Franchises With the Most Games in One Console Generation

While writing my recent Love/Hate posts about the Halo franchise, I was stunned when I realized the amount of effort that had to be put in for the developers to release four mainline Halo games during the Xbox 360 era. Like… these are Halo games, even a smaller title like ODST would have take a ton of work and creativity to complete. This achievement was even more impressive to me compared to today, where most AAA video game developers struggle to release even two games this generation. It got me wondering what other game franchises had a ton of releases over the span of a single console’s lifecycle. Well, it turns out that Halo‘s Xbox 360 run barely even warrants mention next to the titans we’re about to look at.

Some quick notes though about how we’re going to determine our criteria for what counts for this top eight list:

  • The games here will include the original game (if applicable), and any sequels which are treated as a direct follow-up to its predecessor. So, for example, Super Mario Bros 2 would be a sequel to Super Mario Bros, but Mario Tennis or Mario Party would not (they would, instead, be considered their own separate series). This would include some side-games and spin-offs if they were intended to be a major release (for example, Dead Island: Riptide is a sequel, even though it is not a numbered entry like Dead Island 2). This does not apply to follow-ups which are expansions or DLC (such as Half Life: Blue Shift). This also doesn’t include clear, direct spin-off series within a wider franchise (such as Resident Evil: Survivor). It ultimately comes down to a judgment call from me, but I will mention my reasoning as needed.
  • If a game received an official release on the console, then it will be eligible to be counted. However, I am not counting re-releases and remasters which are then released on a later console generation (so, for example, Halo: Combat Evolved would count towards the Xbox’s total, but I would not count Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary towards the Xbox 360’s total since it was a re-release. I will count ports, but only if they are within the same console generation and a short timeframe of the original release (such as Twisted Metal: Head-On, which I would count towards both PSP and PS2).
  • I am not including sports video game franchises. Seeing the entire list clogged up with decades of annualized sports games is just boring – we know that they will dominate the list if we let them compete… the bastards. That said, I did look at all of the major sports games franchises and FIFA comes out on top with a whopping fourteen games releasing on both the PS2 and the Xbox 360!!! (NBA 2K was the second most-prolific, and then Madden.)
  • Also, for simplicity’s sake, if a game has a different number of releases on different consoles across one console generation, I’m only going to count the console with the most releases. This is actually pretty relevant for the Xbox 360, which was getting exclusives and annualized games released on PS2 and Game Cube for a whole year before the PS3 and Wii released, which inflates its numbers somewhat.
  • As I specifically mentioned “console generation” here, it should not surprise you that the PC and mobile are not in consideration for this list, and by extension, PC and mobile-exclusive games do not count.
  • Finally, I have researched as best as I could for this topic, but it’s definitely possible that some obscure series exists with a ton of entries on a single console that I missed. I also don’t doubt that some shovelware publisher has released a threadbare game and several “sequels” in quick succession, but I don’t even think it’s worth anyone’s while for me to even mention those kinds of games anyway.

Honourable Mentions

  • Dynasty Warriors had an impressive five mainline games release on the PS2. However, if I had chosen to include the Xtreme Legends and Empires expansions, then it would have been at ten games released on PS2 instead! It technically doesn’t count under my own rules, but I thought it was notable enough to mention!
  • The Tony Hawk was notorious for pumping out a ton of sequels, but surprisingly, the franchise capped out at five games released on both the PS2 and the Xbox 360. I mean… that’s a lot of games, but it’s barely a blip on the radar for this list.
  • Similarly, the other two franchises I always associated with a flurry of sequels during the PS1 era were Tomb Raider and Twisted Metal. However, these franchises both capped at a total of five games, which just goes to show how many games you had to pump out to even warrant a mention on this list.

Mega Man: 6 Games (Nintendo Entertainment System)

Games: Mega Man (1987), Mega Man 2 (1988), Mega Man 3 (1990), Mega Man 4 (1991), Mega Man 5 (1992), Mega Man 6 (1993)

The Mega Man games were well-known for how many of them were pumped out in the 80s and early 90s, so it was not too surprising to see them make the list. I have never played any of them myself, but even I knew that there were just loads and loads of these games released before I ever held a controller in my hands. They released nearly-annually, which is pretty impressive, but it does explain why the franchise didn’t innovate much at the time.

Rock Band: 6 Games (PlayStation 3/Xbox 360)

Games: Rock Band (2007), Rock Band 2 (2008), The Beatles: Rock Band (2009), Lego Rock Band (2009), Green Day: Rock Band (2010), Rock Band 3 (2010)

Oh my God, the over-saturation of the rhythm game market was absolutely bonkers in the late 2000s. Multiple entries on this list released within a couple months of each other! How could you sustain your audience’s interest with that many releases!

Note: I did not include Rock Band Blitz into this list, because it is meant to be a spiritual successor to Amplitude and Frequency, and therefore is a spin-off. However, I did include Lego Rock Band, because it is a full-on Rock Band game with a Lego skin applied.

Ratchet & Clank: 6 Games (PlayStation 2)

Games: Ratchet & Clank (2002), Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando (2003), Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal (2004), Ratchet: Deadlocked (2005), Ratchet & Clank: Size Matters (2007), Secret Agent Clank (2008)

Wow, I had no idea that the Ratchet & Clank games were so prolific during the PS2 era! They were creative and innovative games, so it never really felt like we were getting over-saturated with Ratchet & Clank games.

Perhaps controversially, I’m counting Secret Agent Clank on this list. I considered cutting it, but it’s meant to be the narrative follow-up to Size Matters and plays similarly to all the other games… I mean, I can’t really justify it as anything but a proper sequel.

Need For Speed: 7 Games (Playstation 2)

Games: Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit 2 (2002), Need For Speed: Underground (2003), Need For Speed: Underground 2 (2004), Need For Speed: Most Wanted (2005), Need For Speed: Carbon (2006), Need For Speed: ProStreet (2007), Need For Speed: Undercover (2008)

It’s wild how Need For Speed was a full-on annualized series on PS2, whereas today the “serious”, AAA racing market is a desert of variety. I appreciated how they would try out different designs in each year’s installment, it always kept the series fresh and exciting.

Assassin’s Creed: 7 Games (Playstation 4/Xbox One)

Games: Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag (2013), Assassin’s Creed Unity (2014), Assassin’s Creed Syndicate (2015), Assassin’s Creed Origins (2017), Assassin’s Creed Odyssey (2018), Assassin’s Creed Valhalla (2020), Assassin’s Creed Mirage (2023)

Assassin’s Creed just does not stop, even when it definitely should have. These are such difficult games to pump out annually, with such detailed environments and animations, I do not know how they manage it. That said, when we get seven games on one console, is it any wonder that audiences have gotten burnt out on this franchise on multiple occasions?

Note, I did not count Assassin’s Creed Freedom Cry, since it was intended to be a standalone DLC for Assassin’s Creed IV.

Assassin’s Creed: 8 Games (PlayStation 3/Xbox 360)

Games: Assassin’s Creed (2007), Assassin’s Creed II (2009), Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood (2010), Assassin’s Creed: Revelations (2011), Assassin’s Creed III (2012), Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag (2013), Assassin’s Creed Liberation (2014), Assassin’s Creed Rogue (2014)

You got that right, Assassin’s Creed has had so many games release that it managed to beat itself on this list! I did not expect the PS3/Xbox 360 era of Assassin’s Creed to be its most prolific, but I suppose it managed to avoid any of the fatigue-related cooling of the brakes for the release cadence.

Note, I chose to count Assassin’s Creed Liberation‘s port to PS3/Xbox 360 for this list since it released about a year and a half after the PS Vita version and retains the series’ traditional gameplay, so it’s more-or-less a proper sequel in its own right.

Armored Core: 8 Games (PlayStation 2)

Games: Armored Core 2 (2000), Armored Core 2: Another Age (2001), Armored Core 3 (2002), Silent Line: Armored Core (2003), Armored Core: Nexus (2004), Armored Core: Nine Breaker (2004), Armored Core: Formula Front (2004), Armored Core: Last Raven (2005)

Good God, I had no idea there were so many Armored Core games on PS2! FromSoftware were working their asses off in the 2000s, and all for a fairly niche market! I mean, we have three games released in 2004, that should tell you the rate at which this series was being cranked out.

The series’ naming conventions were so weird to parse through, but it seems like the non-numbered entries are not expansions or spin-offs, but full-on games in most cases. I agonized about whether to count Armored Core: Nine Breaker since it was meant to be a stand-alone multiplayer game, back before multiplayer was included as an optional mode in a primarily single-player game. I decided I would count it since it’s technically its own entry in the series, but it’s pushing the limits of what I’d accept…

Traveller’s Tales Lego Franchise: 9 Games (PS4)

Games: Lego Marvel Super Heroes (2013), Lego The Hobbit (2014), Lego Batman 3: Beyond Gotham (2014), Lego Dimensions (2015), Lego Marvel’s Avengers (2016), Lego Marvel Super Heroes 2 (2017), Lego DC Super-Villains (2018), The Lego Movie 2 Video Game (2019), Lego Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga (2022)

This might be a controversial inclusion here, since I’m counting all the various “franchises” of Lego games under the banner of Traveller’s Tales’ overall Lego game brand, but I don’t think it’s unwarranted. These games all play virtually identically, with some minor changes made to fit the theme of the franchise it’s riffing on. There’s actually been less of them released in the past decade than I realized, with a pretty long wait between 2019 and 2022 for a new release. Hopefully the slower release cadence is a sign of better games to come!

Some notes on what I would consider to qualify for this lst. I would not consider, say, Lego Racers or Lego Rock Band part of this franchise – just being a Lego game does not qualify, the game has to be following the Traveller’s Tales formula for me to consider it here. By that token, I did not include Lego Worlds, which is more like a Lego take on the Minecraft formula. However, I did include Lego Dimensions, since it’s basically just a toys-to-life take on the traditional formula, and The Lego Movie 2 Video Game is basically a Lego game with the Lego IP as its theme, which is kind of funny to think about.

Guitar Hero: 10 Games (Xbox 360)

Games: Guitar Hero II (2006), Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock (2007), Guitar Hero: Aerosmith (2008), Guitar Hero World Tour (2008), Guitar Hero: Metallica (2009), Guitar Hero Smash Hits (2009), Guitar Hero 5 (2009), Band Hero (2009), Guitar Hero: Van Halen (2009), Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock (2009)

The rhythm game genre would have been oversaturated by Rock Band‘s releases alone, but Guitar Hero absolutely took the piss with ten games released on the Xbox 360! They released five fucking games in 2009!!! Seriously, the rhythm genre did not die due to disinterest, Activision actively killed the damn thing.

Note, I waffled on whether to include Guitar Hero Smash Hits on this list. Like, I would not consider a band’s greatest hits album to be a proper entry in their discography, right? But ultimately I did decide to include it, because it includes new recordings of many of the older songs, adds in support for other instruments, has new venues, etc, meaning that more-or-less has new content which justifies its existence. I also chose to include Band Hero, since it is identical to Guitar Hero, but with slightly different branding due to being full of pop songs rather than rock/metal.

Need For Speed: 10 Games (Xbox 360)

Games: Need For Speed: Most Wanted (2005), Need For Speed: Carbon (2006), Need For Speed: ProStreet (2007), Need For Speed: Undercover (2008), Need For Speed: Shift (2009), Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit (2010), Shift 2: Unleashed (2011), Need For Speed: The Run (2011), Need For Speed: Most Wanted (2012), Need For Speed: Rivals (2013)

As impressed as I was with the release cadence for Need For Speed on PS2, it is wild how many of these games released on Xbox 360. However, you can really see how much flailing EA were doing during this console generation, as they went from arcade action with Most Wanted, to failed attempts at more serious games with ProStreet and Shift, and then back to a Most Wanted reboot to try to recapture what previously worked. Despite that, the series still put out a new game every single year (and two of them in 2011!), which is pretty wild for a franchise which was struggling with an identity crisis, and I imagine the breakneck release schedule didn’t help any with that.

Call of Duty: 11 Games (Xbox 360)

Games: Call of Duty 2 (2005), Call of Duty 3 (2006), Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare (2007), Call of Duty: World at War (2008), Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (2009), Call of Duty: Black Ops (2010), Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 (2011), Call of Duty: Black Ops II (2012), Call of Duty: Ghosts (2013), Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare (2014), Call of Duty: Black Ops III (2015)

We all knew that Call of Duty was going to make this list. A new Call of Duty game each year is one of the universe’s constants; we are all truly fucked when Activision finally decides to take a year off. Looking back, this series was absolute fire during this era, as the run from Modern Warfare to Black Ops II gave us some of the best first person shooters of all-time.

Note, the Xbox 360 port of the original Call of Duty does not count for this list, as it was ported six years after it originally released.

Call of Duty: 12 Games (PlayStation 4)

Games: Call of Duty: Ghosts (2013), Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare (2014), Call of Duty: Black Ops III (2015), Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare (2016), Call of Duty: WWII (2017), Call of Duty: Black Ops 4 (2018), Call of Duty: Modern Warfare (2019), Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War (2020), Call of Duty: Vanguard (2021), Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II (2022), Call of Duty: Modern Warfare III (2023), Call of Duty: Black Ops 6 (2024)

Yeah, that’s right, like Assassin’s Creed, Call of Duty is so prolific that it manages to smash its own, absolutely insane records, despite multiple revolts from their hardcore fans during this console generation. The craziest part is that there very well could be more games releasing on PS4 in future, so this number may end up getting higher in the next couple years!

Note, I am not counting Call of Duty: Warzone as a separate game, as it is a stand-alone multiplayer mode that is included in the mainline releases.

Traveller’s Tales Lego Franchise: 15 Games (Xbox 360)

Games: Lego Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy (2006), Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures (2008), Lego Batman: The Video Game (2008), Lego Indiana Jones 2: The Adventure Continues (2009), Lego Harry Potter: Years 1-4 (2010), Lego Star Wars III: The Clone Wars (2011), Lego Pirates of the Caribbean: The Video Game (2011), Lego Harry Potter: Years 5-7 (2011), Lego Batman 2: DC Super Heroes (2012), Lego The Lord of the Rings (2012), Lego Marvel Super Heroes (2013), Lego The Hobbit (2014), Lego Batman 3: Beyond Gotham (2014), Lego Dimensions (2015), Lego Marvel’s Avengers (2016)

Okay, I knew that the number of Lego games on PS4 felt kind of low, but fifteen games on Xbox 360 is absolutely nuts. The different franchises helped to break things up and allow you to engage with the properties you cared about, but it’s no wonder this game formula became so over-saturated when we had this many games in eight years!

Note, Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga does not count for this list, since it is a re-release of the first two Lego Star Wars games. Bionicle Heroes also does not count, since it is not following the “Traveller’s Tales Lego game formula” that binds this disparate franchise together.

Just Dance: 18 Games (Wii)

Games: Just Dance (2009), Just Dance 2 (2010), Just Dance Kids (2010), Just Dance 3 (2011), Just Dance Wii (2011), Just Dance Kids 2 (2011), Just Dance Wii 2 (2012), Just Dance 4 (2012), Just Dance: Disney Party (2012), Just Dance 2014 (2013), Just Dance Kids 2014 (2013), Just Dance 2015 (2014), Just Dance 2016 (2015), Just Dance: Disney Party 2 (2015), Just Dance 2017 (2016), Just Dance 2018 (2017), Just Dance 2019 (2018), Just Dance 2020 (2019)

GOOD GOD, eighteen games in a ten year period!?!! Some of these games literally released within less than a week of the previous entry! I knew that the Just Dance games had a bunch of releases, but I never would have imagined that it was that prolific. To me, the wildest part about this is that Just Dance didn’t start releasing games until three years into the Wii’s lifecycle… can you imagine how many more games there would have been if we had gotten three more years of releases?

Note, I am not including Just Dance Summer Party, as it is basically a re-release of Just Dance 2. Likewise, Just Dance: Best Of is straight-up a greatest hits compilation with minimal changes made to the formula. I chose to include the Kids and Disney Party games on this list, as they are fundamentally identical to a mainline entry, just with kid-centric soundtracks. Also, Just Dance Wii and Wii 2 were Japan-exclusive, but that counts as far as I’m concerned!

Singstar: At Least 39 Games (PS2)

Games: SingStar (2004), SingStar Party (2004), SingStar Anthems (2006), SingStar Rocks! (2006), SingStar Norske Hits (2007), SingStar Pop (2007), SingStar Popworld (2007), SingStar Pop Hits (2007), SingStar: Die Toten Hosen (2007), SingStar Svenska Hits (2007), SingStar Svenska Hits Schlager (2007), SingStar ’80s (2007), SingStar Amped (2007), SingStar Rock Ballads (2007), SingStar Deutsch Rock-Pop Vol. 2 (2007), SingStar Bollywood (2007), SingStar R&B (2007), SingStar: Morangos com Açúcar (2008), SingStar ’90s (2008), SingStar Summer Party (2008), SingStar Pop Vol. 2 (2008), SingStar Hottest Hits (2008), SingStar Boy Bands vs Girl Bands (2008), SingStar Country (2008), SingStar Legends (2008), SingStar Singalong With Disney (2008), SingStar ABBA (2008), SingStar Queen (2009), SingStar Motown (2009), SingStar Take That (2009), SingStar Vasco (2009), SingStar Latino (2009), SingStar Kent (2010), SingStar The Wiggles (2010), SingStar: Fussballhits (2010), SingStar Portugal Hits (2010), SingStar SuomiHitit (2010), SingStar Studio 100 (2010), SingStar Chart Hits (2010)

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?!?!!! I knew that there were a bunch of SingStar games, but I had no idea the franchise was this fucking unhinged. By the way: 39 games is an estimate based on what I could find, there very well could be nearly double that number!

It’s worth mentioning that this particular list was a massive pain in the ass to collate. No one can seem to agree which SingStar game was released when, or how many of these games there even are. Some games were region-exclusive, and even international releases will often have different tracks in different territories. Wikipedia doesn’t even have a complete list, and everywhere I looked for lists of what games had been released, I would find new entries I’d never heard of, while others were missing from their lists… what the fuck is going on here???

Honestly, I throw my hands up to this one, SingStar has defeated me. Backloggd says that there were 61 games released on PS2 in a six year period, and I’m just going to take their word for it. God help us if there is a video game franchise with even more entries in one console generation…

Halo: Final Thoughts (BONUS)

And with that, we have completed another Love/Hate series here on IC2S! I’m so glad that I managed to finally get through the Halo games – like I said at the start, I’ve had a lot of enthusiasm for this series, long before I got a chance to play them for myself. As you can see with my Top 100 Video Games of All-Time list, Halo 3 was such a well-crafted shooter that it made the list, and Halo 2 even cracked my top 25, which is pretty wild for a game I played for the first time only a few months prior! Funnily enough, my son has somehow found himself interested in Halo after getting some of the Mega Bloks figures. During the course of these playthroughs, we had a few magical evenings where he would sneak down past his bedtime and excitedly watch me play some Halo for a little bit, delighting in seeing Master Chief kick some ass before being sent back to bed. Hopefully I’m instilling in him some of that same wonder that first made me fall in love with this franchise.

As a bonus, I started 2025 with a throw-back session of Halo 3 multiplayer with friends. It was absolutely glorious, we all had a blast fragging each other. I honestly think that these games’ multiplayer modes might be even better today than they were on release – it’s so refreshing to play a multiplayer shooter that doesn’t have any battle passes, live service bullshit, paid cosmetics, daily/weekly challenges, etc. It’s just pure, unadulterated fun, tuned just the way you like it, thanks to Halo‘s fantastic custom game options!

Halo Games Ranked

Here is how I would rank the mainline Halo games’ campaigns:

If you read all of my Love/Hate articles, then I feel like these rankings should be pretty self-explanatory. However, these rankings would be a bit controversial in the Halo fandom, so…

  • S-tier: Halo 2
    • Halo 2 is simultaneously the most unabashedly fun game in the franchise, and expands the narrative scope to a far grander and cinematic degree. Is it more linear? Sure, but I do not particularly mind when we get linear games like this (also, I think people overstate how open the original Halo was). Halo 2 is a fantastically-curated injection of fun.
  • A-tier: Halo 3
    • Gameplay-wise, Halo 3 is probably the tightest, most well-balanced, and best-developed campaign in the franchise. However, its narrative is pretty weak for a trilogy-closer, especially in comparison to its predecessor, which makes me less-enthusiastic about it. I love a satisfying ending, so Halo 3‘s weaker narrative is a legitimate mark against it for me.
  • B-tier: Halo Infinite, Halo: Combat Evolved, Halo: Reach
    • Halo Infinite at the top of B-tier and ahead of Combat Evolved is probably my most controversial opinion on this list, but I loved its gunplay that much. If not for the open world hurting the game’s level design, this could have had a serious shot of hitting A-tier, that’s how much fun I had with it.
    • For a lot of Halo fans, Combat Evolved is their favourite game in the franchise, so seeing it rank below Infinite is probably infuriating them right now. I’ll reiterate what I said before: the level design is just not fun to play. Between confusing levels with reused assets making it difficult to tell where you’re supposed to go, and repetitive encounter design, I spend way too much time in Combat Evolved not enjoying myself to truly love it. That said, it laid a rock-solid foundation and I really have to give it credit for how revolutionary it was on release.
    • Halo: Reach was somewhat disappointing to me. Its narrative and characters just didn’t resonate with me, and the fairly substantial changes to the series’ gameplay makes it less fun to play than Halo 3 was for me. It just kind of plodded along and then, suddenly, it was over. It definitely gets better as it goes, but I didn’t like it anywhere near as much as I wanted to.
  • C-tier: Halo 4, Halo 3: ODST
    • Halo 4 operates kind of like fridge logic: you enjoy yourself when you’re playing it, but when it’s all over and then you think back on it, you decide that you enjoyed it less and less. It’s decent, but definitely a step down after one of the greatest game trilogies of all-time.
    • Halo 3: ODST down this low is probably the second-most controversial opinion on this list. Some people will say that this is their favourite campaign in the franchise, and claim it’s so deep and emotional: what game are you people playing that I missed out on? I cannot stand the characters’ dialogue, the semi-open world sections are dull, and the combat encounters are poorly-balanced.
  • D-tier: Halo 5: Guardians
    • Halo 5 was obviously going to be at the bottom of this list, to the point where I almost considered putting a tier between C and D and calling it “comically empty space to emphasize how much Halo 5 sucks”. It’s a bad Halo game in particular, but it’s not even a good co-op shooter either.

Halo Weapons Ranked

There are a lot of weapons over the course of this series, so naturally I wanted to rank them. Note that I am not ranking each individual weapon for each time it appeared in a game; rather, I am only using the best version of each weapon, which will be noted on the image. Some weapons are technically “different” weapons in subsequent entries, but if it’s just “_____ with a different name”, I’m just going to cover the peak version of that gun. Some weapons don’t really have a “peak” version, so I’ll go with the game that introduced them instead (eg, the sniper rifle is great and basically the same in every Halo game, so I’ve assigned it to Combat Evolved). Finally, Halo 5 and Infinite have “upgraded” versions of each weapon, which I’m ignoring entirely, since they would throw off the entire list.

Okay, got it? Here’s my ranking of the weapons:

There’s no way in hell that I’m explaining all these individually, so I’ll let this list speak for itself. However, I will break these down by game to see which one has the best weapons! There are 60 weapons on this list, but I’m going to exclude the 7 grenades since they can’t really be associated with one particular game, for a total of 53 weapons across 8 games to look at. Points will be awarded with the first place (M90 Shotgun) getting 53 points, the second place (Beamrifle) getting 52 points, and so on.

So, with that said, here’s how the points broke down:

  • Halo: Combat Evolved: 169 points (42.25 average)
  • Halo 2: 253 points (36.14 average)
  • Halo 3: 255 points (23.18 average)
  • Halo 3: ODST: Literally fucking zero, lol.
  • Halo: Reach: 151 points (16.78 average)
  • Halo 4: 249 points (27.69 average)
  • Halo 5: Guardians: 67 points (33.5 average)
  • Halo Infinite: 287 points (26.09 average)

Some observations from this data:

  • Halo: Combat Evolved has only a few weapons that have stood the test of time compared to its sequels, hence its fairly low point total. However, those weapons that have continued to stand out are top-tier (literally, that game’s shotgun is insane and topped this list without question).
  • Perhaps unsurprisingly, Halo 2‘s weapons have also really stood out for being great, with the second highest overall average and a very high point total. I would say that, arguably, this would make it the strongest overall roster (if not for the completely outclassed Brute Plasma Rifle, this game’s overall average would be nearly identical to Combat Evolved).
  • Halo 3 is, unfortunately, brought down by its glut of very mediocre weapons, which tank its overall average. It’s probably got the best-balanced weapons of the entire franchise, but it doesn’t really reflect well on this list, because many of its weapons end up getting poached by other entries in the franchise where they performed better.
  • Halo 3: ODST getting zero points doesn’t surprise me much. No weapon in that game really stood out to me, and it plays worse than Halo 3, so this was kind of inevitable.
  • Halo: Reach has a lot of unique weapons, so it was inevitably going to get some points here, but having the lowest overall average and a very low point total shows just how “good” these additions were. If not for a series-best Needler, things would be pretty dire.
  • Halo 4 also introduced a lot of new weapons, four of which ended up being personal favourites, which give it a solid overall average. The guns here are pretty good, what else can I say? Oh, one thing to note though: if I was counting grenades, then Halo 4‘s average would get tanked, because Splinter and Pulse grenades SUCK.
  • Halo 5: Guardians only had two entries on this list: the most overpowered Plasma Pistol in the franchise, and the Splinter Turret. All of the other Promethean weapons were more interesting and fun in Halo 4, so this game gets absolutely screwed as a result… which is good, because it’s what it deserves.
  • Like 4, Halo Infinite introduces a glut of new weapons to the franchise, but most of these are incredibly fun to use, hence its highest overall point total. However, it has a fairly low overall average due to the really generic UNSC rifles and the awful Disruptor pistol.

Halo Enemies Ranked

Like the previous category, I’m taking into account only the “best” version of any particular enemy type across the series. I’m also not differentiating the sub-classes of enemies (Elite Zealots, Brute Chieftains, etc), each ranking has taken them all as a whole. The main exception to this are Jackals, which have a few very distinct variants, which I have given their own entries:

And, just for fun, we’ll do the same scoring system as last time (out of 21 total entries):

  • Halo: Combat Evolved: 96 points (10.66 average)
  • Halo 2: 27 points (9 average)
  • Halo 3: 0 points… ouch.
  • Halo 3: ODST: 9 points, both total and average.
  • Halo: Reach: 15 points… again, both total, and average.
  • Halo 4: 18 points (9 average)
  • Halo 5: Guardians: 18 points (9 average… I’m noticing a pattern here)
  • Halo Infinite: 27 points (13.5 average)

I definitely need to give some observations from this data since, now that I have it call collated, it’s skewed pretty badly by the small sample size:

  • It should really go without saying that Halo: Combat Evolved skews these numbers significantly, claiming 9 out of the 20 enemy types on this list. This game established how the core enemy types play (Grunts < Jackals < Elites). In nearly every subsequent game, they’ve either functioned identically, or they’ve been notably worse. It’s amazing how well they captured the fundamental essence of these enemy types right out of the gate, and the game deserves all the accolades for it. However, the Flood enemies drag the total down somewhat – they’re decent as a way to shake-up the core gameplay, but they are very repetitive to fight and you quickly tire of dealing with pod infectors and bursters, not to mention all the ones firing rocket launchers at you. The Sentinels are also really dull and ineffective enemies.
  • Halo 2 mostly continues the formula established by its predecessor, but it does introduce a couple new enemy types. Most notably are the notorious Jackal snipers. They are potentially lethal, but they’re handled fairly in my opinion and are a pretty ingenious addition to the formula. The Drones are also a fairly unique and underutilized enemy type, but they’re at their best here in this game. Unfortunately, this game also has the Sentinel Enforcers, those annoying-ass, large, shielded sentinels that you have to blow apart piece by piece to defeat. Every time I had to fight these things, it was a total slog. The only thing keeping them from the bottom of the list is that they’re at least an uncommon enemy type.
  • Halo 3 had zero enemies make the list… which, I guess, isn’t too odd, since it’s basically a trilogy-closer and isn’t introducing anything completely new. In my opinion, its enemies aren’t doing anything particularly new or notable compared to its predecessors or successors.
  • Halo 3: ODST, on the other hand, actually gets some points this time, for the Engineers. These guys have been very under-utilized through the series, mainly because they aren’t impactful by themselves and have the potential to be annoying when they buff all nearby enemies with an overshield. I didn’t find them that annoying in my playthroughs, hence their fairly middling placement.
  • Halo: Reach is another game that basically just has the same enemies as before, although it does introduce one new enemy type: the Jackal Skirmishers. These guys aren’t as fun as regular Jackals, but they do shake-up their playstyle substantially – instead of being slow with a big shield, they’re fast with a could small shields. A solid, late-game introduction to the series.
  • Halo 4 introduced the Prometheans… which doesn’t help it too much, because there were only a couple different types of Prometheans, and they aren’t as fun to fight as the Covenant are. In particular, the Watchers are known for being really annoying, due to running away and resurrecting Knights. I did not have much issue with them in my playthroughs, but I could see them being lower in some peoples’ estimation.
  • Halo 5: Guardians, we actually have a couple interesting notes here. The Knights are significantly more fun to fight than they were in Halo 4, hence their fairly high placement in B-tier. However, I really disliked the Armiger Soldiers, which are kind of like mini-version of the Halo 4 Knights, which dragged the game’s overall score down.
  • Finally, we have Halo Infinite, which pulls off a coup by finally perfecting the Brutes. These guys have been a questionable enemy type for so long in the franchise, and have seen so many re-designs to try to get them to work, but I actually really enjoy fighting them in this game. Infinite also features the Skimmers, which show up on occasion and sort of act like the Drones. They don’t make a huge impact, but the Brutes were so good that, funnily enough, they manage to give Infinite the second highest average. Obviously, this is due to the tiny sample sizes, and due to Combat Evolved hogging most of the best enemy types, but funny to note nonetheless.

What Does the Future Hold For Halo?

The future is pretty uncertain for Halo. Halo Infinite‘s launch went well, but it very quickly bled players due to monetization and content issues, and the game has underperformed as a result. 343 Industries has also suffered mass layoffs on both the management and developer level, the studio itself has been rebranded as “Halo Studios”, and they will be using Unreal Engine for any future games rather than Halo‘s traditional, proprietary engine. So… honestly, no one really knows what will happen, but at this point, Microsoft has mismanaged the franchise so badly that there’s no sense in getting too excited for the future.

Personally, what would I like to see for a future Halo game? Well, as much as I enjoyed Infinite, I don’t think it’s the blueprint for the franchise’s future. You can’t just keep making Master Chief fight the Covenant on a Halo ring over and over again. You can get away with a throw-back once in a while, but when that’s done, you’re stuck in the same place you were at before.

I’d also prefer a more curated, linear level design again, but I am fine with the games remaining open world if they can refine the formula and make it more interesting to avoid modern-day open world fatigue. If we can keep the gunplay as good as it is in Infinite, then they’ll already be a long way towards success.

Aaaaaand that’s it for another Love/Hate series! I already have my next one in mind and will begin playing/writing it soon. Writing this one took me a couple months, so don’t expect the next one any time sooner than that. In the meantime, I’ll continue writing and posting here whenever the mood strikes me. (Also, I will continue/finish the Resident Evil Love/Hate series at some point in the future. I have not forgotten it or shelved it for good! I’m just having fun enjoying other things right now!)

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Love/Hate: Halo Infinite

Welcome back to the Halo love/hate series! In this entry we’ll be going over the most recent game in the franchise Halo Infinite. After all the shit 343 Industries had put the fanbase through, expectations were really low for this game, and then got even worse when people saw the reveal trailer, which necessitated a delay to polish the game up for launch. Since then, I’m aware that the game has been through some major highs and lows, so I wasn’t really expecting a whole lot going in. Could 343 finally right the ship and deliver a worthy follow-up to Bungie’s trilogy? Read on to find out…

Love

  • The Gunplay – As far as I’m concerned, Halo Infinite has the best gunplay of the franchise since Halo 3. Shooting enemies just feels so good. This is largely because your shots feel like they have real impact when they land and there’s some really satisfying feedback that goes along with it. This is best exemplified with the big power weapons, which impact with a massive explosion of fire and colour and a satisfyingly loud bang. Even smaller, standard weapons like the Mauler pack a punch and are really satisfying to blast away your foes with. It feels like they took a cue from Doom (2016) and put a ton of effort into making sure that combat makes you feel like a total badass.
  • Enemies Have Personality Again! – The Covenant in the first couple Halo games had so much personality, making them into some of the most fun video game enemies to fight. Grunts screaming and running when you started killing their comrades, contrasted with the tactical, honourable combat of the Elites made the game feel like it wasn’t just a simple shooting gallery. This was eroded away over the course of the series, with them eventually just feeling like regular video game bad guys that you need to shoot to win the game. In Halo Infinite though, the Covenant soldiers have so much personality again. This is largely due to them being extremely chatty – you’ll hear Grunts acting arrogant, only to immediately start squealing and freaking out when they see you, Jackals obsessing over collecting your bounty, Brutes yelling taunts, and Elites steeling themselves for battle, etc. All this chatter almost makes me feel sorry as I mow them down by the dozen.
    • Also, on a somewhat related note, the enemy variety in this game is fantastic. There have been different tiers of each Covenant troop in all previous games, but they’ve been expanded here and are more notably differentiated in my opinion. For example, let’s look at just the Brutes: we’ve got the standard Brutes, multiple variants in heavy armour, guys with jet packs and heavy weapons, chieftains with various weapon configurations, and even melee-only berserkers who rush head-long at you. Oh, and any one of these can have shields and various weapon combinations, making the variety of combat scenarios even among one enemy type truly vast. Good God, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually really enjoy fighting Brutes in this game!
    • On another related note, I love the UNSC banter in this game. They spout all sorts of cheesy one-liners which perfectly capture the feel of early 2000s video game writing.
  • New Weapons – As usual, Halo Infinite introduces a bunch of new and remixed weapons and, due to this game’s emphasis on fun gameplay, there are some truly awesome additions. My personal favourites are the Skewer (which fires a massive, impaling spear which one-shots most enemies), the Hydra (which is kind of like a Halo version of the 40k boltgun, with an alt-fire mode that homes in on enemies!), and the Heatwave (a shotgun that allows you to set its spread to go horizontal or vertical, making it much more accurate at longer ranges). Making things even better, most guns have special upgraded versions which you can get, which make them even more devastating to use. Legitimately, the only weapon I don’t like is the Disruptor Pistol, but everything else I will gleefully pickup and mow down the enemy with.
  • Grappling Hook – Ever since Halo 3 introduced equipment pickups, these games have really struggled to introduce an equipment ability which really sticks with you. The Grappling Hook is easily the best addition to the core formula, bar none. I (perhaps notoriously) hate open world games with dull traversal, but the grappling hook makes swinging about this world quicker and more entertaining, while also opening up space for creative mobility during combat. Making things better, the grappling hook has offensive abilities too, allowing to you grab distant weapons and items, and you can also hook an enemy to swing in for a melee strike. It can also be upgraded to stun enemies, which can be really helpful when you’re getting beat down by a particular guy with a power weapon and need to close the distance to them quickly.
  • The Story – Halo Infinite‘s narrative is definitely an improvement on the previous two 343 Industries games. While Halo 4 was bogged down by lore and Halo 5 was vapid and rushed, Infinite takes a more cinematic, character-driven approach that makes it feel more akin to Metal Gear Solid 5 than its two predecessors. The overall story here is basically a throwback: you’re on a Halo ring and the Covenant Banished are trying to activate it, so you have to stop them. The villains also have a fairly large role in the narrative and often show up to taunt you directly. So, while they are fairly generic and melodramatic, at least they leave more of an impression than, say, the Didact or Eternal Warden did. It takes a while to get there, but this story does end up being fairly entertaining by the end.

Mixed

  • Scan Pulse – Halo Infinite introduces a “scan” button, which will send out a pulse which briefly points highlights all weapons, enemies, and interactable objects in the vicinity, and will display where your objectives are. It’s definitely handy, but it also just feels like a crutch: I constantly want to press this button to make sure that I’m not missing anything. The only reason I don’t do it is because that’s really fucking annoying to keep up, so I just resign myself to missing things. That said, there are times where you actually do need it, because you can’t find some random panel where you need to press a button to advance the mission, and it won’t make that clear to you. Maybe it’s just like this because modern games have gotten so big and detailed that it’s way too easy to miss anything important, but it feels like an inelegant solution to the problem.
  • The Characters – A character-driven story needs its characters, and while they are a bit of a mixed bag, what we get here is an improvement on the last couple games overall. First of all, Master Chief is back to being the effortless badass he was in Halo 2, and those Doom (2016) influences have helped make his dry humour even more awesome. Where things get a bit more mixed is in the supporting cast:
    • The Pilot is a coward trying to flee, but gets caught up with Master Chief and becomes exasperated as he gets dragged into danger again and again. He can be somewhat annoying as a result, but he does grow on you as the game goes, and at least I can understand and sympathize with him.
    • The Weapon, on the other hand… I’m really mixed on her. She’s our new AI companion, who is an incomplete copy of Cortana that was supposed to find Cortana, destroy her, and then delete herself. However, upon Cortana’s deletion, the Weapon finds herself still operational, much to her confusion. Her personality is noticeably different compared to Cortana; the Weapon is much more childlike and inquisitive. While she is fairly well fleshed out as a character and I’m glad they’ve gone to the effort to differentiate her from Cortana, she just ends up being kind of annoying to me. Some of this is down to her dialogue, which can be fairly cringey. She’s also our objective-giver, so after every single objective you complete, she’ll say something along the lines of “oh hey we need to go find ____ to advance the story, lets go do it!” This bothers me, because I can just feel the developers prodding me every time she says something like this (which is a lot). Like… it’s an open world, I’ve got camps to capture and soldiers to rescue, I can see my objective markers, just let me do what I want to.
  • Open World Structure – I am fairly burnt out on open world games, so I was pretty concerned about how Halo Infinite would fare as a result. Luckily, it works out fairly well I’d say, although there are some pretty big caveats to that. One of the most revolutionary aspects of the early Halo games were their massive, open sandboxes, so going fully open-world just feels like an evolution of that concept. I think it’s best summed up this way: playing Halo Infinite is like playing Combat Evolved the way you imagined it in 2001. That said…
    • Big caveat #1: Halo Infinite is basically a carbon copy of the Far Cry open world structure which has become very tired in the past decade. For most of this game’s runtime, you’re just capturing bandit camps and dealing with a bunch of filler side quests which provide very little incentive to complete them, other than checking off some boxes on your mini-map and allowing you to spawn more powerful weapons and vehicles at captured bandit camps. Surprisingly, this didn’t wear thin for me (perhaps because the game has a fairly reasonable playtime), but if you’ve been playing more open world games than I have, then this may be a bigger issue for you.
    • Big caveat #2: Halo Infinite has the worst level design of the entire franchise, bar none. Since 343 Industries cannot curate encounters or force you to complete missions in a certain order, objectives are absolutely swarming with enemies, and your missions are extremely generic: press X buttons to expose power cores that you need to blow up, kill all bad guys in the area, blow up X objectives, etc. This would be unacceptable in any previous Halo game, but for some reason, being open world makes this less of an issue for me, even though in the back of my mind I know I prefer a more curated, creative, and diversified approach. The gunplay in this game is just so good that it props up issues like this which would have sunk a weaker game. I think this is why, as much fun as I was having playing the game, I just didn’t find myself wanting to play it as much as some of the other games in the franchise, and my play sessions end up being shorter and more spread out than for, say, Halo 2 and 3.

Hate

  • Skipping Over the End of Halo 5 is Cowardly – As much as I enjoy this game’s throw-back to classic Halo and its fantastic gunplay, I just cannot get over the fact that it skips over the end of Halo 5 and basically soft-reboots the entire franchise to not have to bother dealing with the consequences of it. For all my problems with Halo 5, the ending was downright bold. Only a handful of humans managed to escape Cortana before she fires EMP bombs at all worlds resisting the AI takeover, blasting them into the stone age. This hinted at a future game that’s scrappier and lower-tech, where we have to scavenge for better weapons and armour, akin to The Terminator. Plus, Halo 5 barely even started to deal with Cortana as our new main villain, so having her die off-screen before Halo Infinite begins is borderline insane and makes this entire extended universe of continuity feel like a joke. Instead, it’s back to the ol’ status quo: Chief fighting the Covenant on a Halo ring. Is that all this franchise will ever be? Because that’s a depressing future if it is…
    • Granted, Infinite does touch on this storyline in its final hours, but it’s done in such a way where it feels like we skipped over an entire game’s worth of plot and consequences… like, imagine if Star Wars went from Attack of the Clones to A New Hope. It would feel kind of weird and disjointed, right? That’s kind of what playing Infinite is like.
  • Load Times – Halo Infinite has some of the longest load times that I’ve seen in a game since the PS3 era. The first time I loaded up the game, it legitimately took at least a minute just to get to the main menu. Thankfully, it loads quicker from there on, but if you’re like me and are playing this game for the campaign, there’s an extra “fuck you” in store: the game always loads into the multiplayer menu, so you have to then select “Campaign” and then go through another lengthy loading screen to play that. Thankfully, once you get in-game, there are basically no more loading screens, but it’s still enough friction up-front that I sometimes didn’t even want to bother starting the game up.
  • The Other Equipment Choices Suck – If there’s one big issue with the grappling hook, it’s that it’s arguably too good… which is actually kind of a problem, because you have other equipment you can use. However, they are so inferior in comparison that they aren’t worth using at all. Like, the first equipment you can switch to is the Threat Sensor, which… highlights nearby enemies. Big fucking whoop. The only time you might want to use this is when an Elite pulls out an energy sword and uses its active camouflage. However, I would literally rather blindly fight an invisible enemy that can one-shot me than go through the convoluted sequence of button presses to switch from the grappling hook to the threat sensor… so that’s exactly what I did. I legitimately never used any piece of equipment other than the grappling hook the entire game, and never felt like I missed out for this.
  • Rough Around the Edges – Halo Infinite is a game that ended up needing to be delayed for a full year in order to get it into a shippable state… and thank God they did, because the game we got is still pretty rough at times, so I can only imagine what it would have been like if it released in 2020! I’m talking some pretty stiff animations, questionable optimization (substantial frame drops are not an uncommon occurrence), random bugs, weird ragdolling (especially when you die), guns turning into unintelligible blobs that stretch infinitely across the game world, etc. Oh, and there’s one mission where you will be told that you need to visit four beacons, which will be marked on your map and everything. However, these beacons do not allow you to progress until after you’re told about the mission, at which point you are expected to walk forward a little bit to actually trigger it. On two separate occasions, I fast travelled away before the mission triggered without even realizing it, and was then left completely confused about why I couldn’t do anything at these beacons. This could be a minor annoyance, but the area you need to go to to trigger the mission is far away from any fast travel point you will have unlocked up to this point, which turns it into a giant, confusing headache which is far too easy to find yourself mired in.
  • Overpowered Weapon/Vehicle Spawns – As you complete objectives in Halo Infinite, you will get “Valor” points which allow you to spawn a chosen weapon or vehicle if your Valor is above a specific threshold. Initially this will allow you to call for an assault rifle or a mongoose ATV, but you quickly start getting the ability to call in upgraded versions of the game’s strongest weapons, or even goddamn Scorpion tanks! It’s cool that they give you the choice, I guess…? But, at a certain point, you have to actively choose not to trivialize the game if you want to have fun. It also robs that feeling of excitement in the tank sections in previous games, as it was no longer this surprise awaiting you, and I just kept finding myself starting every mission with the exact same overpowered guns.
  • Worst Vehicle Physics in the Franchise – You can spawn in any vehicle you want at forward operating bases (FOBs) that you capture. This sounds great, especially since it can take a few minutes to get where you’re going in this open world… however, I usually just hoof it on foot, because the vehicle physics in this game suck, particularly for the warthog and mongoose. Like, they control about as well as ever, but they crash, flip over, and get stuck on the terrain constantly, which I can only assume is due to the open world structure and a lack of polish.

Halo Infinite really surprised me. I had heard that its campaign was decent, but I’m so sick of open world games that I was not expecting much at all. Its gunplay was so immediately fun though that it sucked me in. It may look like there’s a lot of things I hated about this game, but honestly, these are all nitpicks. For literally every single one of these complaints, you can add onto the end “…the gunplay sure is fucking great though”. I had an absolute blast with Halo Inifinite, to the point where open world bullshit and a cowardly plot reset couldn’t even dampen my enthusiasm for the game.

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Love/Hate: Halo 5 – Guardians

Welcome back to the Halo love/hate series! In this entry we’ll be going over Halo 5: Guardians. I’ve been well aware of this game’s reputation long before I played it: stories about the marketing being deceptive, the game being full of repetitive boss fights, being downed constantly in co-op, and a despised story. Honestly though, I didn’t dislike Halo 4 as much as some people, so I’m going into this with an open mind. Maybe it can shake-up the series formula in some interesting ways? Maybe all the shit people sling at 343 Industries is unwarranted? Read on to find out…

Love

  • Meridian – Halo games haven’t really bothered to explore the wider cultures of humanity. That sort of thing is generally relegated to the EU novels. As a result, it was fascinating when the game heads to the human frontier world, Meridian, and we get to see the tension between the UNSC and the colonists. In the Halo universe, the SPARTAN program was developed to crush dissent from separatist colonists. The animosity that the people of Meridian hold towards the SPARTANs is palpable, and the way that the SPARTANs have to be extra polite to avoid pissing them off makes for some legitimate tension. Perhaps the most interesting thing here though is that Meridian’s governor, Sloan, is an AI. This took me by surprise, but it’s kind of brilliant: of course humanity would have AI politicians, it makes so much sense to implement. Making this even more interesting, Sloan is in the early onset of rampancy, making his actions somewhat erratic and making the whole situation even more tense, since he could go off the deep end at any moment.
  • Quality of Life Improvements – In its efforts to modernize the franchise, Halo 5 has some nice quality of life improvements. One that I particularly liked was that you can now swap seats in a vehicle by pressing A instead of having to go through an animation to leave the vehicle and then manually move to find the seat you want. The game also allows you to give simple commands to your squadmates, which they will follow fairly reliably.
  • More Movement Options – In line with Halo 5‘s QoL improvements and modernizations, movement has been overhauled to be much faster and more in-line with the FPS games of the day. You can now grab ledges while jumping, do a charging attack or a ground pound, do a quick rocket thruster dodge, aim in mid-air to float momentarily… oh, and you can just sprint endlessly now too. As you would expect, this shakes-up the series’ core game feel and pace substantially.

Mixed

  • Modernized Controls – When I was playing through Combat Evolved, I kept getting tripped up by its old-school control scheme (R1 to reload and pickup items? L3 to crouch? B to melee? L2 to throw grenade?). FPS control schemes have become so standardized that it’s weird going back to an older game and trying to get acclimated. However… I just played through six Halo games that all retained that control scheme. Going into Halo 5, I was used to that traditional scheme and was completely thrown off when it played exactly like a modern shooter (B to reload/pickup items, L2 to aim down sights, L1 to throw grenade, etc). I didn’t like this at first… but, honestly, this is just me complaining about the game being different. Changing the controls to be more familiar to modern gamers is fine and does not take away from anything. It’s not even like Resident Evil‘s tank controls, where you’re being nostalgic for a fundamentally different way to experience those games: you could remap the controls if you wanted to and it would play the exact same.

Hate

  • Fucking Loot Boxes – This game has paid loot boxes in it. Do I even need to say more than that? That, by itself, should give you an idea of the sort of bullshit you’re going to be subjected to in this game. Strap in, we’re just getting started here…
  • It’s a COD Clone – The back half of the PS3/Xbox 360 era was a graveyard for FPS games trying to emulate the success of Call of Duty. Every franchise was bending over backwards to change or dilute its core tone and gameplay systems in order to appeal to the lowest common denominator COD fan. Here’s the thing though: every one of those games that went all-in on mass appeal failed. By the time that the new console generation was rolling around, this was pretty well known and we were getting far less COD clones. Hell, with the dawn of the PS4 and Xbox One, even COD had outstayed its welcome and was facing some pretty heavy backlash. So, I can only imagine that 343 Industries looked at all these failed COD clones and said “We can do worse”. I could feel the influence of Call of Duty on this franchise since at least Reach, but in Halo 5 it is blatant (even down to the aforementioned modernized controls, which basically just bring the franchise into parity with Call of Duty). Nearly every bit of gameplay that was distinctly “Halo” has been stripped away in favour of appealing to the Call of Duty crowd.
    • The biggest impact of this approach is that the combined arms, open sandbox structure that most Halo games employ (to varying degrees) has been largely eliminated in favour of much more linear shooting galleries. In their place, 343 Industries have instead inserted several bombastic, scripted set-piece action moments that Call of Duty campaigns are famous for. These moments just feel vapid, the sort of noisy light shows that we had largely tired of years earlier. Meanwhile, the linear levels are painfully mediocre, with every level being a series of “kill all enemies in this room to unlock the door, then move onto the next room and do the same, etc”. These moments were always the weak, filler portions of the previous Halo games, so seeing that be the core gameplay loop here is pretty dire. That said, if this was the only problem, then Halo 5 would just be mediocre. However…
  • Co-op Focus Screws the Game Design – Halo games are famous for their campaigns which can be played through entirely in co-op. I actually was unaware that you could play up to four-player co-op in these games as early as Halo 3, but you honestly would never realize it: the campaign was clearly designed for single-player and is balanced as such. Halo 5, on the other hand, is designed from the ground up with four players in mind, which means that things have changed quite a bit…
    • Pity Halo 5‘s level design: not only is it getting fucked for being a COD clone, but then the four player co-op comes in to fuck it from an entirely different angle. To accommodate entertaining four people at once, combat encounters are far less focused. Each area feels like a miniature multiplayer arena, where you start the encounter by picking a lane and then clear out all the enemies there until everyone has cleared out their zone. You end up getting swarmed by enemy forces from all angles, including occasions where you have enemies spawning behind you. The game ended up reminding me way too much of Operation Raccoon City, although the core gunplay was good enough that it’s not quite that bad at least.
    • Since you can be revived now, Halo 5 is simultaneously more forgiving and more punishing than other Halo games. Sure, you can get revived by your partners if you play sloppily, but you also get a lot more overpowered enemy attacks that will either one-shot you (such as the Eternal Warden’s melee attack), or which have splash damage which is difficult to negate (such as incineration cannons, the Hunter fuel rod cannon, etc). Naturally, you are going to hear “I’m down, need assistance!” a lot.
  • The Story – Halo 4‘s story was a mess, but at least it had a solid emotional core that you could latch onto. Halo 5 ditches much of the sci-fi gobbledygook that plagued its predecessor, but it’s no less confusing for it…
    • First of all, the narrative is poorly conveyed. The actual plot here is pretty simple: Cortana is back and evil now, Master Chief goes AWOL to try to find her, SPARTAN Locke is tasked with apprehending Master Chief, and they all get caught up in Cortana’s plot to resurrect the Guardians – giant Forerunner robots which were used to enforce order in the galaxy. Good luck keeping track of what’s going on though, because Halo 5 just assumes you already know what’s happening at any given time. Like… to give you an idea of how bad the storytelling in this game is, the game just suddenly assumes that Cortana is evil before we actually have any reason to believe that to be the case. You’re just expected to go along with it, but that’s a massive change that needs some time to breathe. Or how about the Guardians: they’re supposed to be the big threat that the game revolves around, but we never really get a sense of what they do or why they’re so scary. Again, the game just assumes that you already know what’s going on.
    • Then there’s the inciting incident which puts this entire plot into motion: Master Chief gets knocked out, hallucinates about Cortana, who gives him some mysterious directives, and then he just decides to do what she told him to (to the point of disobeying his superiors to do so). Like… what the fuck? I get that Halo 3 and 4 had weird hallucinations with Cortana, but they never really came across like they were “real”. This here in Halo 5? It’s full-on space magic, I don’t know how else they can really justify it.
    • Maybe the worst part about this story though is what it does to the Master Chief. He spends this entire game chasing after Cortana instead of dealing with the existential threat of the Guardians… in fact, by chasing after Cortana, he’s actually kind of complicit in everything that happens. You could argue that he was pursuing Cortana, because she was the source of the threat and he needed to eliminate her to stop the Guardians… but that never happens. He encounters her and then they have a chat instead of trying to eliminate the problem. It’s also not like this is the Cortana we knew before; she is clearly an entirely different person now, so it should be easier for him to do what’s needed. Is… is this what 343 Industries were trying to convey from the whole “you’re not a machine” theme in Halo 4? Are they saying that he needed to be way more selfish and damn the rest of humanity for his own interests? Guys… are these tech bros a bunch of libertarians…? Fucking insanity.
  • The Characters – Related to all the previous issues we’ve already discussed, the characters in Halo 5 suck. Theoretically, it’s kind of cool that 343 Industries brought Master Chief’s squad mates from the Halo novels into the games. Having ODST‘s Buck become a SPARTAN is also a pretty cool move. However, none of this ends up mattering, because none of them have any development, interactions, or characterization beyond “is a soldier”. Even Arbiter’s return isn’t particularly interesting, because he basically does nothing (although I do find it hilarious that they make a point of telling us that he’s a feminist, because he breaks Elite tradition and allows females into his ranks, LOL).
    • The Eternal Warden is, apparently, supposed to be this game’s main “bad guy”. He’s a Promethean construct who occasionally shows up to oppose you. You end up having to kill the guy like seven or eight times across the course of the game and it becomes tiring very quickly. I also don’t get his part in the story at all. He’s like a rival to Cortana, but she slaps him around like a bitch at every turn. When she vanquishes him at the end, you’d think it would be a big “oh shit, she just killed the powerful bad guy!” moment, but I didn’t feel anything. Dude sucks.
    • Also, probably goes without saying, but having multiple SPARTANs in your story is lame. Master Chief’s cool, largely because he’s the only man capable of saving the day. When you have an entire squad of SPARTANs, it dilutes that importance and your squad doesn’t feel exponentially more powerful than you did when you were solo.
  • Technical Issues – Okay, we’ve gotten through the big problems, now onto some smaller fish… This game has some really weird technical issues, the most obvious of which is that enemies will render at a lower frame rate if they’re more than a few meters away and you’re not looking directly at them. I can only assume that this was implemented to keep the game running smoothly and to deal with optimization issues (it reminds me of similar issues in Pokémon Violet). However, this game doesn’t look that good, so I assume that it’s probably a combination of having to accommodate four players and general development incompetence. Oh, and speaking of incompetence, the NPC AI is worthless. You can give commands, sure, but your squad mates will struggle to kill anything, and their pathfinding makes having AI operate vehicles an exercise in frustration. I saw my squad mates get themselves killed constantly, including one particularly funny moment where we had to escape a massive Covenant vehicle. I escaped in a Banshee, only to turn around and see that my squad was still fucking around inside before the whole thing blew up and took them all with it.
  • Interactive Cutscene “Missions” – Halo 5 has three “missions” which can only really be described as interactive cutscenes. In these sequences, you and your companions are tasked with finding an NPC, talking to them, and then finding another NPC and talking to them. These sequences legitimately last anywhere from thirty seconds to two minutes at most, and make absolutely no sense to me. They even count as full-on missions for the achievements! I’d get it if all cutscenes in the game were done this way, but no, the game has plenty of cinematics, so I honestly do not understand what the hell they were doing with these things.

Halo 5: Guardians was a fucking experience. Moments after the game started, I just sat there and went “Oh. Oh no.” Taken on its own, Halo 5 is a mediocre-at-best co-op shooter with a weak narrative. In the context of this franchise though, Halo 5 is straight-up insulting. As you can see from all the “Hates” listed here, the game was fundamentally compromised on a design level and these issues cascaded to make by far the worst game in the entire franchise. Halo 5 gleefully packs so much of the stuff I hate about the past decade of gaming into its runtime, shedding everything you might have liked about Halo in the process. Oh, and making matters even more annoying for me, in particular: I just made a list of my 25 Worst Video Games of All-Time, and it’s already outdated. Halo 5: Guardians definitely deserves a spot on that list. Is this a bad time to announce that I’m intending to update my best/worst-of lists in about five years time to see how much they’ve changed in that time? Because, unless I play a lot of shit games between then and now, Halo 5: Guardians is sure as hell gonna be on there.

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Love/Hate: Halo 4

Welcome back to the Halo love/hate series! In this entry we’ll be going over Halo 4, the first new entry in the series by 343 Industries! I’ve heard really mixed things about this game over the years. On launch, it was lauded, but with the disappointment surrounding subsequent entries, it has retroactively been considered to be shit by Halo fans. Then again, ODST and Reach are loved by Halo fans, and I found them to be fairly disappointing, so maybe the disdain for this game is just complaints about it being different? Now that I’ve finally gotten the chance to play it, read on to find out what I thought…

Love

  • Graphics and Presentation – If there’s one area 343 Industries have undeniably improved over the previous Halo games, it’s the graphics and presentation. The CGI cutscenes are almost film-quality and the in-game cutscenes are more cinematic than ever. The graphics are also really good for an Xbox 360 game, to the point where I had to triple check that this wasn’t an Xbox One launch game. This game also makes you feel more like you’re seeing the world through the Master Chief’s eyes by having bits of helmet on the fringes of the screen and HUD projected onto his visor. I initially thought that this was going to be distracting when I started the game, but it ends up being really immersive and I stopped noticing it almost immediately.
    • Okay… I say “undeniably”, but this is also, apparently, a pretty controversial opinion. Turns out that people complain that the environments don’t look good and that there’s the early-2010s desaturated filter applied to everything – I did not notice this even once and I can only assume that this is just a symptom of the “343 can do nothing right!” complaints.
  • Improved Driving Controls – The driving controls have been refined once again, making vehicle-based gameplay more enjoyable. This is especially true for the Ghost, which is just buttery smooth to drive now.
  • New Weapons – As usual, Halo 4 introduces several new weapons to try out. Some are certainly better than others, but I particularly love the Binary Rifle, it feels so good to snipe people with it. I also quite enjoyed the Rail Gun for similar reasons, and the Storm Rifle is a cool upgrade to the Plasma Rifle.
  • Cortana – Jen Taylor is absolutely acting her ass off in Halo 4. Cortana has always been the best character in the previous games, but she’s especially relevant here. The entire emotional core of the game revolves around getting you to care about (and then be worried for) Cortana as she slowly succumbs to Rampancy (a condition in the Halo universe that causes AIs to “die” after around seven years as they become too complex to sustain themselves). Does she feel somewhat different compared to the previous games? Yes, but she’s also reckoning with her impending, inevitable death, and is realizing that she has so much that she still wants to live for. When Cortana’s facing down her mortality and says “They’ll pair you with another AI. Maybe even another Cortana model if Halsey lets them. It won’t be me… you know that right?”, Jen’s performance broke my fucking heart.
    • Also: call me a gooner if you want, but I actually quite like the redesign Cortana received in this game. It’s not very faithful to her design from the first couple games, and she’s been sexualized in a blatant attempt to try to get you to fall in love with her… but I’d be lying if I said it was not appealing. Hell, one could even argue that, as Cortana has come to develop a legitimate love for the Master Chief, she’s intentionally choosing this design to deepen their relationship to one another.
    • On that note, a bit of a side-tangent: I think my favourite Cortana design is from Halo 3. After that, I think I’d have to go with Combat Evolved‘s more sassy, punk-looking version of the character, just because of how different it is from the rest of the series. I guess that means that Halo 2‘s design’s my least favourite; it just feels like a half-measure on the way to the Halo 3 design.

Mixed

  • Prometheans – The new enemy type, the Prometheans, are decent. They may have been introduced a bit too early though: the Flood weren’t introduced until the sixth mission in Combat Evolved, which allowed them to shake-up the gameplay significantly, whereas the Prometheans show up at the end of the third level in Halo 4. The other issue with them is that they aren’t nearly as differentiated in their roles as The Covenant are. Each Covenant unit is very distinct and needs to be approached in a particular way. In comparison, the Crawlers and Watchers aren’t particularly different to fight – they’re both very weak and mobile, with the Watchers occasionally spawning in new enemies and flying away when shot. The Knights are the most differentiated and threatening. Some people really hate them for how they can teleport away from danger. This can be annoying, but I didn’t have too much trouble with this during my playthrough and typically killed them before they could escape. Maybe they’re worse on legendary difficulty, but I can’t really speak to that myself. All-in-all, the Prometheans are fine – I don’t enjoy fighting them as much as I do the Covenant, but they’re still passable FPS enemies.

Hate

  • The Covenant – Imagine being there for Halo 4‘s release and speculating about where the story would go next. Humanity won the war against the Covenant. The Prophets were dead, the capital city of the empire was destroyed by the Flood, and the Elites were now an independent faction. Sure, there’d probably still be some remnants of the Covenant continuing to fight, but surely we’d be facing off against some other threat, right? Well… minutes into Halo 4, you fight the Covenant as if literally nothing ever happened. They’re even led by Elites again! It’s just so underwhelming to see them dive back into the ol’ status quo for several reasons:
    • For one thing, Master Chief says that these Covenant seem “more fanatical”, but that does not come across in the slightest. The Covenant we had faced in the Bungie games would literally send suicide bombers at you, I daresay that these ones seem less fanatical in comparison. Like… they couldn’t do something to differentiate them? Even Halo 2‘s Arbiter missions had heretical Covenant who were clearly distinct from the rest of their kin. You’d think that they could make them stand out like that? Or, hell, since their empire is now shattered, maybe their weapons and gear are more ramshackle, or they have less access to heavy weaponry? Literally fucking anything but more of the same…?
    • They also redesigned the Covenant in this game, and I kind of hate what they’ve done to them. Elites have been bulked up massively, but the Grunts and Jackals especially just look wrong to me, ditching their previous designs in favour of something more reptilian. It makes them look less like a conglomerate of unique, unified species and more like a bunch of lightly-differentiated, scaly, alien bad guys.
    • Also, I don’t think the game ever explains why these Covenant are fighting us? This could be entirely on me missing some line of dialogue, but they just show up on your drifting spaceship and attack you out of nowhere. It’s not like they were even trying to link up with the Prometheans, because they start slaughtering the Covenant when they first encounter them, only to turn them to their side moments later. Again, maybe I just missed something that explained this, or didn’t read some novel about this faction, but that kinda leads into my next problem with this game…
  • The Story – Halo 4 has a different tone compared to its predecessors. Combat Evolved and 2 were written like grand, sci-fi military novels. 3 was written like an a blockbuster action movie. In comparison, 4 is written to be this blockbuster, sci-fi space opera. It has a much more melodramatic tone, is more focused on the emotional drama between the characters, and has way more focus on the lore of this universe. This is different, which is not necessarily bad. In fact, I rather like that 343 Industries are trying to put their own spin on Halo: Lord knows that these games’ stories weren’t so good that they couldn’t do with some narrative experimentation. However, the way that they’ve gone about this made Halo 4‘s story more frustrating than enthralling for me…
    • Put simply, the biggest issue with this game is that way too much of the dialogue boils down to Cortana throwing around lots of sci-fi mumbo-jumbo. Rampancy, Requiem, Infinity, Terminus, the Didact, the Librarian, the Mantle, the Composer… you might get a context clue or a single line of dialogue to explain what these things are, and then you’re expected to keep track of that for the rest of the game, or until the game bothers give you another context clue several hours later. I remember Rampancy from the Halo novels, so at least I understood that part, the Didact is the bad guy, and I eventually figured out that Requiem is the new Forerunner installation we spend most of the game on, but so much of this game’s narrative is utter nonsense if you cannot keep all these terms straight. Hell, even when we find out what things are, I still couldn’t tell you what these things even do. Like, Halo is simple: it’s a location to contain the Flood and, when it fires, it will kill all sentient life. Requiem, on the other hand, is… a prison for the Didact, maybe? I literally do not know why it exists or what the fuck is happening in this game. The Composer is probably the most egregious example of this. I guess it genocides people and then… digitizes them into Prometheans or something? How many people did it kill at the end of the game? Hell if I know.
    • I’ve heard people accuse 343 Industries of being a studio that makes Halo games, but hates Halo. I really don’t get that impression after playing Halo 4. The way that they’ve written this game, it screams passion for this universe. However, the way it has been written puts emphasis squarely on “the lore”. The world-building and lore were important to the success of the earlier games, but they were not the most important thing, whereas here it feels disproportionate to your enjoyment of the game. If you are obsessed with the lore, read the dozens of novels, and can actually follow all the gobbledygook they throw at you, you might have a really rich experience. If not… man, you are in for a rough time. Halo 4 just feels like an example of “fans do not know what they actually need”: a lot of the time, it’s retreading Halo‘s greatest hits, while obsessing about the finer details that only the biggest Halo nerds would get excited about. As a result of all this stuff, playing through Halo 4 feels like you’re reading through a fucking Fandom wiki.
    • Also, this probably seems contradictory to my last point, but this game makes some pretty major retcons to the Halo lore. In particular, the Bungie games had heavily implied that the Forerunners were humans (or human-related). 343 Industries have instead elected to make the Forerunners a completely separate species who were at war with humanity at one point. They destroyed human society and bombed us back to the stone age. Then, when they annihilated themselves to contain the Flood, they seeded knowledge into the human genome to eventually create the SPARTAN program and take over the galaxy… which is just fucking insanity, holy shit. It can be easy to miss or gloss over this stuff because of how nonsensical the narrative is, but when you piece it all together, it’s pretty baffling and an awful change to the series’ lore. Like… I still think that 343 Industries are passionate about Halo… like any fandom though, they have a particular way of viewing that lore, which they’ve expanded and pushed in their preferred direction, and that’s rubbed fans who have their own interpretations the wrong way.
    • On a completely different note, the game’s writing is ham-fisted beyond belief. At one point, Cortana says to Master Chief “Before this is over, promise me you’ll figure out which one of us is the machine.” This is a pretty cool line, but it just comes out of nowhere. There’s never been any concern between them about the Chief being too machine-like; it just feels like it was written for the trailers. Then, at the ending, one of the characters awkwardly mentions that soldiers aren’t machines, which was already making me roll my eyes for how unsubtle it was, but then Master fucking Chief himself goes “She said that to me once. About being a machine…” I slapped my fucking head in frustration. WE GET IT, your theme isn’t nearly as clever as you seem to think it is.
    • Oh, and then there’s the grating melodrama. The most egregious example of this is Captain Del Rio. Why is this guy such a fucking dick to Master Chief every time we see him? He’s being confrontational and screaming at the dude who literally won the war for him only five years earlier. It’s a cheap way to add some stakes, but it just comes across as dumb and lazy, especially since most Halo characters to this point have acted professionally and intelligently at all times (except for you, ODST…).
    • All that said: the game does start getting good in the last couple levels. When the third act kicks off, they’ve finished introducing new gobbledygook, so we’re able to focus on the actual important shit: Cortana, Master Chief, and the existential threats they’re facing. I might even be open to the argument that Halo 4 has the strongest finale of any Halo game, because a solid emotional core and strong characters trump all the lore in the world. And this is despite me having no fucking clue what is even happening for most of this finale: it doesn’t matter that I have no idea how Cortana somehow magically saved Chief from nuking himself, because I can understand the emotional stakes between these characters, which are far more interesting than anything else in the game.
  • Sound Design – I’m not really someone who notices or properly appreciates the sound design in a game. Take that how you will, but that tells me when I do notice it that they’re either doing something amazing, or they’re doing something really bad. I had a few issues with the sound design in this game, but many of the guns in particular just sound wrong. There’s also this weird difference between a gun’s sound when you’re using a scope vs hip firing it… like, are you sticking your fucking head into the scope? Why does the Lightrifle sound so weird in ADS, but normal in hip fire?
    • That said, I will give them credit for the good ol’ shotgun though: that thing sounds explosive when it fires.

Halo 4 was… fine. I didn’t dislike it nearly as much as some people did, but it certainly didn’t deserve the high 8s and 9s it got from reviewers on launch either. I honestly think that most of the distaste for the game is a combination of retroactive sour grapes after being disappointed by 343 Industries in latter entries, and for being different from the Bungie games. It’s fine, which isn’t exactly a glowing endorsement, but it’s better than some people give it credit for.

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Love/Hate: Halo – Reach

Welcome back to the Halo love/hate series! In this entry we’ll be going over the final Bungie-developed Halo game, Halo: Reach! Going in, this was probably the Halo game I knew the least about, but I had always heard that it was a solid swan-song for the Bungie games. How does the game hold up today? Read on to find out…

Love

  • Customizable Avatar – Perhaps the coolest feature of Halo: Reach was one that I didn’t realize until I was most of the way through the game. It turns out that Noble Six, the SPARTAN you play as, is customizable and based on your multiplayer avatar. I set that avatar months before I actually got around to playing the game, so I had no idea until very late in the game that my character was personalized, but it’s such a cool feature and a great way to pay tribute to the fans.
  • Perks – The equipment system from Halo 3 has been reworked in Reach and, in my opinion, it’s much more impactful now. The equipment pickups are now replaced with Call of Duty-style perks which operate on a quick cooldown and can be swapped out if you find a perk pickup in-game. There’s some pretty cool options, like the armour lock and jet pack, but (perhaps most notably) these perks finally bring sprinting to Halo (albeit, on a pathetically-short time limit, but at least it speeds up traversal a bit).
  • Long Night of Solace – This is the first level where Reach really stands out from its predecessors. A very big chunk of this level has you piloting a space ship and getting into full-on dogfights with Banshees and Phantoms before flying into a Covenant supercarrier and battling your way through the interior. It’s a level that is epic in scope and execution. While I can see some people getting annoyed with this level, since the flying combat isn’t as good as dedicated flight game and it can drag on a bit long, but it’s such an ambitious and epic level that I have to give it major props.
  • Lone Wolf – Speaking of memorable levels, the finale of Reach is really memorable. You’re given minimal information about what to do (Current Objective: Survive) and then get swarmed by Covenant. Eventually, you’ll come to realize that there is no happy ending, all you can do is take down as many Covenant with you as you can. There’s nothing stopping you from just chucking a grenade at your feet and ending it immediately, but it’s got that Call of Duty Zombies compulsion that makes you want to hop right back in and see if you can make it further next time.
  • Exploding Grunts – A pretty small, but funny change is that Grunts’ backpacks can explode, sending them flying wildly when they die. I love the Grunts for being a bunch of cowardly goobers, and this cartoonish death just makes them even more endearing.

Mixed

  • Elites Are Back – Look, I know I’ve ragged on the last couple games for being less fun because the Elites were replaced by the less-intelligent Brutes, so I should be happy that the Elites are back here. However, if you put a gun to my head and asked me if I thought that their return was a noticeable upgrade, I honestly don’t think it’s made much of a difference. Hell, even the Brutes don’t feel much like Brutes in this game, they’re just Elites with a different character model. I am not sure why exactly these enemies do not have that spark that made them stand out in the first couple games, but I think it comes down to changes in the enemy AI. Enemies and allies felt like they had personality and intelligence before, but I never really got that sense here.
  • New and Rebalanced Weapons – Reach has quite a few new weapons and has rebalanced a lot of the old weapons, although I’m pretty mixed on both of these aspects.
    • In terms of the new weapons, my favourite is the Plasma Repeater, which is just a straight upgrade on the old Plasma Rifle. The grenade launcher is also pretty cool, although it’s kind of surprising that it took this long for one to get introduced. However, other new weapons, like the Concussion Rifle, Needler Rifle, and Focus Rifle kinda suck. Every time I ran out of ammo and had to pick up one of these weapons, I made a stink face and then ditched them as soon as I could.
    • For the rebalanced weapons, the magnum is awesome again, one-shotting most unshielded enemies with a headshot. The needler is also legitimately good here. In every game thus far, I would try it out just to see how it was, but this was the first time where I would actively seek it out. Unfortunately, the plasma sword is kind of shit once again, especially compared to the brute hammer (which has also been nerfed).
  • Noble Team – Your squad of SPARTANs in this game, Noble Team are… alright. They have significantly more interesting personalities than the goofball soldiers from ODST, but they don’t have any sort of development over the course of the story. They’re introduced with an archetypal character trait, and then that defines them for the rest of the game. Consequently, I didn’t really care all that much when they start dying, because there’s nothing really to latch onto.
  • Story Structure – The fall of Reach is supposed to be this massive defeat for humanity, where one of our greatest strongholds was crushed by the Covenant as they scour the entire surface of the world from orbit. Unfortunately, Reach rarely lives up to this promise, as the game doesn’t feel all that desperate. This is especially true in the first half of the game, where you’re basically just killing time fighting random Covenant patrols. It feels less like a world-ending tragedy, and more like a bunch of SPARTANs getting themselves killed unnecessarily like a bunch of dummies. It’s not until the last couple missions that it finally feels like there are some stakes, but even then it’s not that effective. Hell, I completed the last mission, then the credits started rolling and I literally said “Wait, that’s it?” Sure, it’s followed up by “Lone Wolf” as the epilogue, but I legitimately thought I had a couple more levels of content to go, because the ending felt like an anti-climax.

Hate

  • The AI – As I alluded to earlier, the AI in Reach is pretty poor by Halo standards, especially for your allies. That’s a particular problem in this game, since you almost always have a fellow SPARTAN with you instead of some random marine, so it feels even more egregious when they get themselves stuck somewhere and then have to be conspicuously teleported in front of you to keep up. Vehicle pathfinding is a bit better than it was in ODST, but I had one moment in the final level where the AI was driving a mongoose and then they said “We have to jump it!” over a broken bridge… before proceeding to gingerly drive over the ledge. I got lucky and avoided dying because I got caught on the scenery, but it was a pretty embarrassing moment (especially because my AI companion was stuck at the bottom of a canyon, making their forced teleport later even more noticeable).
  • No Dual-Wielding – A big reason why the weapons have been rebalanced again in Reach is because Bungie removed the option to dual-wield. This has clearly been done for balancing reasons (you can just make the weapon good, instead of having to make it only good when dual-wielded)… but fuck that. I’m only really analyzing these games on their single-player, so let me have my power fantasy. Dual-wielding in Halo 2 and plowing through a horde of grunts was one of the biggest power trips of my life. I kind of hate this competitive multiplayer mentality some developers have with their shooters, just let players have fun.

Honestly, I was pretty disappointed by Halo: Reach. Ever since this game came out, I figured it would be the definitive Halo game; Bungie’s last, big hurrah before the franchise went to 343. While I did enjoy it more than ODST, it’s missing that special spark that made Halo 2 and 3 so much fun to play through. The industry had changed fairly substantially in the decade between Combat Evolved and Reach, and I can’t help but feel like the growing dominance of Call of Duty, and competitive multiplayer in general, influenced the changes in this entry. Maybe it’s better on the multiplayer side of things, but as far as the campaigns go, Reach was a pretty big disappointment for me, even if the game itself is not bad.

Anyway, onto the 343 Industries games, I’m sure those will be much better…

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Love/Hate: Halo 3 – ODST

Welcome back to the Halo love/hate series! In this entry we’ll be going over our first spin-off title, Halo 3: ODST! This was a weird little release: the series’ overarching narrative seemed to have concluded, so there was a lot of questions about how Halo would be able to continue. Bungie then announced this game, which had started out as an expansion to Halo 3, but would evolve into its own stand-alone experience. The resulting game is pretty interesting for a number of reasons, not least of all because it’s the first game to not feature Master Chief in any capacity. Would the game hold up without the franchise’s hero? Read on to find out…

Love

  • Experimentation – Halo 3: ODST shakes up the franchise’s normal campaign structure in some pretty fundamental ways, which make the game feel very unique among Halo titles. The campaign is split into two timelines. The A-plot is the present, where you play as “the Rookie”, who has become isolated from his squad and is trying to figure out what happened to them as he makes his way across New Mombasa. The B-plot involves a bunch of flashbacks to the Rookie’s various squadmates as they battle Covenant forces. The B-plot plays out through traditional Halo levels, but the Rookie’s sections occur through a semi-open world as you navigate through the isolated streets of New Mombasa. In these sections, you have to decide how to reach objectives while confronting or avoiding any Covenant patrols you may come across. It’s a fairly unique structure for a Halo game, let alone a stand-alone DLC expansion, and I have to appreciate that they at least tried to do something different here.
  • The Opening Drop is Intense – You name a game ODST (which stands for “orbital drop shock trooper”), and you’d better believe I expect to get dropped from orbit at some point. In that regard, ODST does not disappoint. It opens with some quick character introductions, and then it’s feet-first into hell through a visually-spectacular and chaotic opening that is easily the highlight of the game.

Mixed

  • VISR System – ODST introduces the VISR optical HUD, which has some fairly interesting functionality. It plays similarly to Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter, outlining objects in the world and highlighting friendlies and enemies. With the larger, more open environments, it can be very helpful to have a way to point out where to go next. However, I can’t help but feel like it is a bit of a crutch, like detective vision in so many games of this era: the environments do not clearly communicate where you need to go, so instead the game relies on waypoints and colour-coded highlights to do that for you. It also doesn’t help that the game often makes VISR basically unusable, since it becomes a visual hinderance in bright areas, forcing you to toggle it on and off regularly.

Hate

  • The Writing and Characters – For all its military realism, Halo has some pretty cartoonish characters between Master Chief’s confident badassery and Sergeant Johnson’s cigar-chomping antics. However, they’re also contrasted against more serious characters, like Jacob and Miranda Keyes, Lord Hood, the Arbiter, or even Cortana to a certain degree. However, ODST is clearly inspired by Joss Whedon’s writing style on Firefly, even down to casting Nathan Fillion, Adam Baldwin, and Alan Tudyk in the lead roles. As a result of this influence, the entire cast are a bunch of cartoonish jokers who can’t take anything seriously or professionally (which gets especially egregious when Nathan Fillion and Tricia Helfer are arguing about relationship drama over comms in the middle of a warzone).
    • On top of this, ODST is framed like there’s a big mystery that you’re building towards, but the story itself is really uncompelling. The flashback sequences don’t really move the story forward at all, they just kind of exist to pad the runtime. It’s not until the last level that the story actually has some interesting developments, but by that point it is way too late to salvage this narrative. Let’s put it this way: the first three Halo games were about telling a story. This game is just fleshing out the series’ lore.
  • The Level Design – While I will give ODST credit for trying something different with its structure, I really hate the move away from a more curated, linear level design. The streets of New Mombasa are huge and weirdly empty. It’s not unusual to spend a long time wandering around without even running into a Covenant patrol. I can see how this might be immersive to some players, but for my part, I found this incredibly dull. I’ve complained before about open world design and how it makes the minute-to-minute gameplay boring, so you can imagine how annoying ODST‘s slow, monotonous traversal gets for me.
  • Health Regeneration System – ODST goes back to Combat Evolved‘s health system, where you have a regenerating shield and a health bar to maintain. However, one key difference is that the game will freak out at you long before your shield has actually gone down. This puts you in a stressed state way more often than previous Halo games. However, when you come to realize that the game is being over-zealous with its shield warnings, you kind of just ignore them and push more aggressively, making this new warning system kind of worthless. It also doesn’t help that health stations are really badly sign-posted, so you can go for long stretches of gameplay without a chance to heal while playing as the Rookie.
  • The AI – Unfortunately, ODST is the first Halo game where the AI feels straight-up dumb:
    • First of all, the friendly AI are incredibly stupid, especially when they’re in vehicles. Their pathfinding is awful, often getting stuck on objects or charging at a tank and then getting you blown up with no real opportunity to prevent this from happening. On more than one occasion, I had a story-important squad mate get stuck and then (very obviously) have to be teleported ahead of me to prevent them from getting left behind.
    • Perhaps worst of all though is the enemy AI. In ODST, you’re not playing as Master Chief, so you should feel out-gunned by Covenant forces. The game certainly throws overwhelming numbers of Covenant at you, but the game feels like it has gimped them compared to previous Halo games. Throughout this game, I felt like I was making reckless plays which would have gotten me killed in any previous Halo game, but I was getting through because enemies would just refuse to shoot me, or have terrible aim. Making matters worse, I was being forced to make these reckless plays, because I just wasn’t being given the resources needed to deal with all these enemies. I dunno who thought it made sense to have me fight two Wraith tanks and two squads of Covenant forces at the same time with just anti-infantry weapons, but the fact that I was able to pull through this with little difficulty is kind of ridiculous.

Halo 3: ODST left me thoroughly underwhelmed. I wasn’t really sure what to expect going in, but I really dislike all the ways that this game attempted to shake-up the Halo formula. I appreciate the attempt to differentiate this game, and I’m sure that there are people who love what they were going for here, but nothing they’ve tried here makes Halo more fun to play for me. As annoying as Combat Evolved could be, I still enjoyed myself there more than I did here.

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Love/Hate: Halo 3

Welcome back to the Halo love/hate series! In this entry we’ll be going over the series’ third entry, Halo 3! We’re now past the point where I had any first-hand experience with these games: I remember this game being an absolute blockbuster at the time, and it was the #1 shooter in the world for a few years until Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare took over the genre, but I never got to play it. Could it resolve Halo 2‘s cliffhanger in a satisfying way? Read on to find out…

Love

  • New Weapons – As usual, a new Halo game means new weapons, and they’ve introduced some really cool ones here:
    • Best of all is the brute hammer. This thing is ridiculously satisfying to use. It’s devastating, one-shots pretty much everything, has a large area of effect blast when it hits (which will kill multiple clustered enemies), sends debris flying on impact, and makes a really loud noise. It’s the quintessential distillation of the brutes as a species, and it’s fantastic.
    • The spiker and mauler are both really cool options. The spiker is kind of like an SMG version of the needler, it’s really reliable and enjoyable to use. The mauler, meanwhile, is a shotgun pistol. Both of these guns are dual-wieldable, which just makes them even more fun to use.
    • The Spartan laser is also a really cool power weapon that puts out a devastating amount of damage. However, it remains fairly balanced due to its long charge time before it fires, meaning that you have to keep the target in your sights or waste the shot.
    • Oh, and the game now lets you pickup gun turrets from around the environment and use them as power weapons! It’s as badass as it sounds to pick up a heavy machine gun or a plasma cannon and then spend the next minute mowing down everything in sight.
  • Weapon Rebalancing – Halo 2 suffered a bit due to its wildly unbalanced weapons. You could maybe argue that this was intentional, but Halo 3 is clearly trying to make every weapon viable. There aren’t really any weapons here that I wouldn’t want to pickup. Most of the weak guns from Halo 2 have been improved massively: the assault rifle is back and actually useable, the shotgun is worthwhile again (although it’s still nowhere near as good as it was in Combat Evolved), the plasma rifle is far better against non-shielded enemies, the Brute shot is significantly better… really, the only weapon that has clearly been nerfed to oblivion is the energy sword. The lunge distance has been made extremely short, and while it does one-shot most enemies, I’ve had instances where I’ve had to hit a Flood combat form five times to get a kill on normal difficulty… HOW???
  • Epic, Free-Form Combat Scenarios – Gone are almost all the corridor shooting levels from previous Halo games: Halo 3 loves to revel in the large combat arenas where you fight alongside allies and use various vehicles to combat hordes of enemies. Probably the biggest highlight is driving a mongoose ATV while your allies blast rockets at enemy vehicles… and then a scarab walker shows up and you need to disable it, jump on board, and then blow it up from the inside. Combat is straight-up epic in this game!

Mixed

  • Equipment Pickups – Halo 3 introduces several equipment pickups, which operate similarly to the temporary armour upgrades you could find in the previous two games (bubble shield, deployable cover, auto-turret, invisibility, invincibility, flashbang, etc). The big differences are that they are way more common and you get to choose when to use them. They’re… alright. They certainly work, but they do not feel all that important to the combat flow (at least on normal difficulty: I can see bubble shields and deployable cover being way more impactful on legendary). A lot of these equipment pickups are stationary once used, which isn’t really something you want to be doing in Halo most of the time. It’s also really hard to see them; I kept accidentally picking them up by walking over them… I could count the number of times I intentionally grabbed an equipment pickup on one hand and still have fingers to spare for your mom.

Hate

  • The Story – Halo 3 is a suitably epic finale for a story about a galactic war and genocidal alien parasite. However, as it goes on, I can’t help but have several nagging issues about it which sour it somewhat:
    • First of all, the grand, sci-fi world-building of Combat Evolved and Halo 2 is pretty much gone. We learn nothing new about the Covenant society (which, if you’ll recall, had its entire freaking capital city genocided by the Flood in Halo 2). Basically nothing new is learned or introduced here, it’s just culminating the events of the last two games. Aside from a couple big deaths, there’s no risks taken. That’s fine, I guess, but it’s disappointing after the thoughtful writing and big revelations brought in by Halo 2.
    • On a related note, the war just kind of… ends. The prophets are dead, but you’re telling me that there’s no Covenant still choosing to fight? The Brutes sure as hell seemed to want to fight this war, they’re not taking over and continuing the fight? There’s no new power structure forming? Oh, and the game acts like the Flood have been defeated, but that was just one Gravemind… given that we know there are multiple Halo rings still out there, that presumably means that there are several installations which still have Flood on them, right?
    • I get that Cortana’s out of the picture for most of the game due to the events of Halo 2, but you can really feel her absence (and, when she comes back, it’s a breath of fresh air). Definitely makes you appreciate her character more, but the entire narrative suffers without her.
    • I also found it pretty disappointing that the last couple levels are basically just rehashing the ending of Combat Evolved, to lesser effect, in my opinion.
    • Finally, Arbiter’s just kind of “here”. People complained about him in Halo 2, so Bungie folded and he’s no longer playable outside of co-op. He’s still gets a couple story moments, but his character development is stunted and we miss out on a lot of the developments that would be happening on the Covenant side of things (like that the Elites are now working with humanity against the Covenant).
  • Flashbangs – So, something I neglected to mention about equipment: enemies get to use them as well. This is not that big a deal most of the time, but where it becomes infuriating is that one of the pickups is a flashbang. It’s worthless when you use it, but when Brutes start chucking them around, they’re infuriating. There’s a reason most first person shooters do give NPCs flashbangs, it basically makes the game unplayable when they’re used. Thankfully, these were only used on a handful of occasions during my playthrough, but there was one section early in the game where Brutes were just spamming them at me and it drove me nuts. Oh, and speaking of which…
  • Brutes – Brutes just are not that fun to fight compared to Elites. At least in Halo 2, you only start fighting Brutes halfway through, but here they’re the main enemy for a good chunk of the game. Since they don’t have shields, this breaks the strategic weapon choices from the previous two games, since plasma is less-necessary. They’re also a lot less intelligent, so the enemy AI is not nearly as interesting as it was previously.

Halo 3 is solid, but I can’t help but feel disappointed with it compared to Halo 2. While it is a fitting conclusion for the trilogy, the world just feels smaller and more dumbed down after the expansion it received in Halo 2. The gunplay is definitely improved, so it has that, but I guess this just shows where my priorities are with games: gameplay is just one factor to the overall package, and story matters quite a lot to me, to the point where Halo 2 is the clear best of the trilogy, even though Halo 3 undeniably plays better overall.

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Love/Hate: Halo 2

Welcome back to the Halo love/hate series! In this entry we’ll be going over the series’ second entry, Halo 2! Like I said in the first entry, I had played a bit of Halo 2‘s multiplayer back when we did LAN parties at my church, but other than that, I had very little first-hand experience with the game. I didn’t see past the campaign’s opening cutscene, and I didn’t get that far into the novels to reach any Halo 2 content, so nearly all my knowledge of the game was just general cultural osmosis (Arbiter, the cliffhanger ending, etc). Would it be able to improve the rough edges of the original game? Read on to find out…

Love

  • Major Gameplay Improvements – It’s hard for me to really describe how much better Halo 2 feels to play compared to Combat Evolved in nearly every facet. Let’s put it this way: when I was playing through Combat Evolved, I’d be able to stomach one level per sitting before I’d want to turn it off. For Halo 2, I blitzed through three levels the first time I sat down to play and the only reason I didn’t play more was because I really needed to sleep. So I went to bed, and then I blitzed through another three levels the next day. Throughout this playthrough, I was gleefully playing two-to-three levels back-to-back whenever I could get the opportunity, it is that much fun. Knuckling down to specifics, major improvements include:
    • Vehicle handling is similar to Combat Evolved, but so much tighter and more responsive. No more crashing into everything because you can’t control your damn vehicle (plus, it also confirm that this was not an engine issue, it was very much a Combat Evolved issue, because vehicles are a blast here).
    • Explosives are far less oppressive now. You’ll still die to the occasional rocket launcher or plasma grenade, but the combat actually feels fair now.
    • Weapons held by allies can now be taken, meaning that you can customize the support that they provide, and you can get yourself a better weapon if needed (you are, after all, the best warrior in the room, so why are you stuck with the needler!?).
    • You can also hijack enemy vehicles now, which makes for some epic moments on its own, but it also means that you aren’t necessarily left flailing around if you have a weak weapon and some Elite is charging at you with a Ghost or a Banshee.
    • I also like the changes made to health. In Combat Evolved, you had a regenerating shield and a health bar which would be depleted when the shields went down. In theory, this sounds like a good system, but in practice, it means that you have very little margin for error. Shields down? You need to hide IMMEDIATELY or you’ll die in one hit next time your shield goes down, and who knows how long it will be before you find a med pack to restore those lost health points. Halo 2 simplifies this to just be a regenerating shield and then a set amount of damage you can take before your health and shields fully regenerate. It makes taking damage more forgiving and makes you feel like more of a badass, since you can choose to take that risk to take some damage if it means that you get to kill the last couple enemies in the process without punishing you for it.
  • Dual-wielding! – Easily the coolest new feature in Halo 2 is the ability to dual wield any one-handed weapon. I was grinning ear-to-ear like an idiot as I blasted away with dual SMGs in the opening levels. Granted, you can’t throw a grenade or melee when you’re dual wielding, but it’s very much worth it and, with this franchise’s strategic weapon-based combat system, it opens up so many options. You can choose to double-up your damage potential with a second copy of a particular weapon, or you can choose to shore up one weapon’s weakness with another (eg, SMG in one hand for Grunts, plasma rifle in the other for Elites). This is such an inspired feature and just another aspect of what makes combat in Halo 2 so goddamn fun.
  • New Weapons – Halo 2 introduces several new weapons to the franchise. My favourite is, without a question, the energy sword, which kills almost everything with one melee strike and which closes the distance with an enemy if you swing while close to them. I also really love the beam rifle, which is kind of like a plasma sniper rifle. The battle rifle is also excellent, leaving Combat Evolved‘s assault rifle in the dust where it belongs and I also rather enjoy tearing through Grunts with the SMG.
  • Level Design – One major reason why Halo 2 is so much more playable than Combat Evolved today is that they completely fixed my issues with the first game’s level designs. The way that levels are designed is far better at directing you to where you need to go next, to the point where I never got lost.
  • Graphical Leap – Graphics only matter so much, especially when comparing two twenty-year-old games from the same console generation, but it is notable just how much better the graphics of Halo 2 are compared to the first game (I played both games with original graphics, so their anniversary updates did not factor into this assessment). The character models are so much better and environments are all much more detailed than before, making the opening warzones and areas like the Covenant holy city truly awe-inspiring in open vistas.
  • “Blow Me Away” – As a big fan of Breaking Benjamin, the hype was off the charts when I was playing through Gravemind and this track started playing during one of the toughest battles in the game. You’d think that a post-grunge rock track might feel out of place, but no, it’s easily one of the highlights of the campaign.

Mixed

  • The Arbiter – One of the most interesting additions in Halo 2 is that you have a second playable hero: the Arbiter, the Elite who was in charge of the Halo ring that we blew up in the first game. A lot of the most interesting world-building and narrative beats comes from his perspective, as we get first-hand insight into the Covenant hierarchy and society. He also plays somewhat differently to Master Chief, getting access to an active camouflage system which encourages more stealth gameplay. That said, his levels suffer somewhat due to us not really having much investment in the fate of the Elites initially, as our concerns are on the fate of humanity. This improves over time, but it takes a while to really appreciate this side of the story. Arbiter’s gameplay can also be less enjoyable than Master Chief’s… I wasn’t able to find anything to confirm it, but I swear that Arbiter has less health and/or shields than Master Chief, meaning that you’re going to die way more and have to play much more carefully when playing as him. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s not communicated well and, since you swap between the two characters throughout the campaign, the difference in health is going to throw you off every time you swap back and have to remember to play more conservatively again. It’s just kind of a bummer in a game that otherwise makes you feel like a total badass.
  • The Story – This is a true “Mixed” section for me, as the narrative of Halo 2 is extremely polarizing. It’s simultaneously one of my favourite and least favourite aspects of the game.
    • On the plus side, the presentation is way better. The opening sequence of Master Chief’s award ceremony, contrasted with Arbiter’s shaming, is downright cinematic and demonstrates that Halo has some of the best narrative presentation in gaming. In accordance, the narrative scope has expanded to the point where it is downright epic. We’ve got the fate of Earth hanging in the balance as the Covenant launch their final offensive on humanity, we’ve got Master Chief trying to stop a second Halo from firing, we’ve got Arbiter being sent to quash heresy and the getting caught up in a full-on Covenant civil war with three different factions involved. It’s extremely impressive stuff, especially for a goddamn first person shooter from the early 2000s.
    • That said, the way that this story is told is extremely confusing. The story is far more complicated, but the way that it is communicated to the player is often unclear, making it difficult to follow at times. For example, the first Arbiter missions take place on a second Halo installation, but the game takes a while to actually make this clear, and never really confirms if this is supposed to be the same installation that Master Chief and his allies are fighting on at the same time. Similarly, the Flood Gravemind just kind of shows up with zero foreshadowing or explanation. This is arguably the most dangerous being in the galaxy and we don’t really get any indication of what it is until very late in the game (hell, you’d need to use context clues to even clue in that this thing is a “Gravemind”). The way the game switches between Master Chief and Arbiters’ campaigns also doesn’t really help, as you’ll probably forget some of the details of what was happening in each campaign by the time you switch back to the other character.
    • Oh, and I’d be remiss to not mention the cliffhanger ending. I didn’t mind it, especially since I’m playing this game years after we’ve already had follow-up to it, but I can see how the story just suddenly ending with no resolution would be a problem for some people.

Hate

  • Energy Sword Lunge – As much as I love the energy sword, the way that its lunge has been implemented is a goddamn liability. Getting close to an enemy and then swinging will launch you forward in a lunge attack, even if you’re in mid-air. It’s really helpful and helps make the energy sword an absolute beast, but my God, you will launch yourself off the side of the map several times when you first get the energy sword until you come to grips with how it works. I swear, during the first couple Arbiter levels, I died more to the energy sword throwing me off the map than I did to Flood and heretics, combined. I did eventually get used to it around the time when the game stops having so many lethal drops around every combat arena, but it was infuriating for a while.
  • Weapon Balancing – Bungie were clearly aware of how overpowered certain weapons were in Combat Evolved, because the nerf bat has come for them. The shotgun is, sadly, the most nerfed. It’ll kill a Flood in one shot still, but it struggles to down Covenant outside of point blank range (and even here, you’ll likely need a couple shots to do the job) and its damage drop-off is pitiful. The magnum has also been made basically useless, and the plasma rifle’s damage is lower. Beyond general nerfs, there’s a pretty big gulf between the good and bad weapons in Halo 2. The brute plasma rifle, for example, is a weapon you never pick up unless you have no other option – it’s literally just the regular plasma rifle, but it overheats twice as fast. How exciting!

Halo 2 is a triumph. The original game was already acclaimed and revolutionary for its time, but Halo 2 absolutely blows it out of the water in nearly every regard. Everything has been tuned to make you feel like a total badass while playing and the campaign is simply enthralling. If Combat Evolved set the bar for quality, Halo 2 cemented this franchise’s place in gaming history. I’m so glad that I finally got the chance to play this game in full and I hope that I get the chance to relive one of those LAN parties someday soon to really enjoy that multiplayer carnage too.

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Love/Hate: Halo – Combat Evolved

Surprise! It’s time for a new love/hate series! As you can probably tell, we’re going to be diving into the Halo franchise, going over all the mainline entries and their campaigns. Multiplayer is a pretty major aspect of Halo, obviously, but I’m about 23 years too late to properly dive into these games’ multiplayer modes, so we’ll just stick with the campaigns for this analysis.

As for my history with Halo, I got invited to a LAN party at my church a couple times where we hooked up four Xboxes and played Halo and Halo 2‘s multiplayer. It was an absolute blast and, for many years thereafter, Halo was the gold-standard multiplayer game in my mind, unsurpassed until 2007’s Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. I purchased an Xbox 360 with Halo Anniversary several years later and tried to play through the game’s campaign, but fell off about halfway through before selling the system. Recently though, Steam had a huge sale on for the Master Chief Collection, so I picked it up and finally decided to knuckle down and play through this series. How do these games hold up today? Read on to find out…

Love

  • The AI – No, I’m not referring to Cortana here (although she is an excellent character). No, I’m referring to what was probably the most defining aspect of Halo for me: the incredible amount of personality that Bungie have baked into all of their NPCs. Grunts scream and run from battle when you kill their superiors. When you kill an enemy, they will fire their gun a few more times in a death spasm. Your allies will rage and unload magazines into dead enemies in revenge. These are just some of the more obvious examples, but there is just so much personality baked into the NPCs that it makes them feel like more than just bullet sponges. It’s even more impressive considering that few shooter games today even bother with these kinds of touches to make their world feel real.
  • Enemy Designs – Combat is so much fun in Halo because you can feel how well-designed the enemies are in these games. Each enemy type requires different approaches to defeat them: for example, Elites have powerful weapons and shield generators, requiring plasma weaponry to kill effectively before they obliterate your own shields, while Jackals have an arm-mounted shield which needs to be overloaded with plasma or bypassed with precision weaponry, grenades, or good ol’ fashioned melee. In addition, each enemy type has a very distinct silhouette, making it easy to tell who is who in the heat of combat. As a result of this strong design foundation, Bungie are able to mix and match enemies and environments to make for endless potential for fun encounters.
  • Large-scale Warfare – While Halo is primarily a corridor shooter, like many of its contemporaries, it does open up during a few levels (most notably in the second level) and allow you to engage in large-scale open warfare. These areas are always the game’s biggest highlights, allowing you to pilot vehicles, including the Scorpion tank and Banshee, or you can just hoof it on foot and use the terrain to your advantage. There are also multiple moments where you can choose to just sit back and watch the Covenant fight your allies or the Flood, which helps sell the idea of this huge war that you are just a part of. It’s wild to see this kind of ambitious design in an Xbox launch game!
  • The Lore – The actual plot of Halo is pretty basic: you crash land on Halo, rescue your comrades, and then try to figure out what the Covenant are doing here. What really makes it stand out to me though is how authentic and real it feels. You can clearly tell that the people who wrote it are military history nerds and they ensure that the UNSC characters speak and act like real soldiers. Add in the intriguing zealotry of the Covenant and the mysteries of the Halo installation and this is a world that feels positively lived-in, even in this first entry.
  • The Flood – No one who played Halo for the first time expected it to turn into a full-on horror game about halfway through, but man is it effective. It’s a cool twist which comes just in time to shake-up the gameplay and introduce several new enemy types to deal with, which function differently than any other enemy you’ve encountered up to this point. Plus, y’know, the Flood are an existential threat which really ramps up the narrative as soon as they’re introduced.
  • The Shotgun – Oh. My. GOD! In the pantheon of video game shotguns, Halo‘s is easily one of the most satisfying. This thing is a fucking beast, shredding Flood and Covenant alike in a single blast. Most weapons in this game feel kind of weak, requiring a lot of shots to actually kill anything, but it is so refreshing when the shotgun arrives and bucks this trend. You don’t get access to it until about halfway through the game, but as soon as it was introduced, the entire back half of the game for me was ride-or-die with the shotgun.
  • Weapon Variety – One of the most impressive aspects of playing Halo today is seeing just how unique the various weapons are. This was kind of par for the course back in 2001, but since video weapons became codified as “assault rifle/pistol/shotgun/sniper rifle/DMR/SMG/machine gun”, it’s refreshing to see weapons as distinct and iconic as the needler and plasma pistol. Even the assault rifle and plasma rifle don’t overlap – the assault rifle is purely a low damage, high rate of fire weapon, whereas the plasma rifle specializes at knocking down energy shields and will overheat if fired for too long. There’s simply no overlap for any of the weapons here and, given what I said about enemy design previously, they all have some strategic use depending on the situation you find yourself in.

Hate

  • Level Design – This is my biggest complaint about Halo by far, and it’s the reason I fell off the game the first time I tried to play. It took me months to slog my way through this game and that largely came down to how dull the levels can get at times. This is mainly due to the time-period in which Halo was developed, as you can see the DNA of early corridor shooters like Doom or Star Wars: Dark Forces with these maze-like environments. It’s especially bad because the levels in Halo are, ultimately, quite linear, but I was still managing to get lost because of all the reused assets and non-sensical level layouts which make it hard to tell where you’re going and where you’ve been. Making matters worse, Halo loves to just throw wave after wave of enemies at you. I remember reading the second Halo book, The Flood, and realizing it was basically a full-on walkthrough of the game when it would describe how Master Chief kills all the enemies in a room, then goes to the next room and does it again for another wave. For how dull that was to read, it was a pretty accurate description of how these levels often play out and, while the enemy designs keep things fun, it does start to get a bit much towards the end.
  • Vehicle Controls – As much as I love that Halo lets you shake-up the gameplay by driving vehicles, the actual controls are fucking dogshit, specifically for the Warthog. They are so slippery and unwieldy, causing you to crash into everything if you end up in a situation where you need to drive with any sort of precision. This is especially a problem because the final level requires you to race a Warthog through an obstacle course while a timer counts down. Suffice to say, I failed the first time I tried this and that was almost entirely due to the poor vehicle controls screwing me over.
  • Explosive Spam – Holy shit, the sheer damage and blast radius of explosives in this game is nuts. A single explosion is often enough to kill you instantly and can come out of nowhere, with even basic Grunts frequently hucking plasma grenades at you. You are going to die to explosions all the time, especially in the latter levels when enemies are unloading barrages of grenades, fuel rod cannons, and full-on rocket launchers at you.
  • The Assault Rifle Suuuuuuucks – So I did say that every weapon in Halo is useful in certain situations, but the assault rifle’s the closest we come to a weapon just being worthless. Unlike most video game assault rifles, Halo‘s is only good at extreme close range due to some insane bullet deviation. Even Grunts take most of a magazine at close range to kill, which is insane. The only situation where the assault rifle shines is in killing pod infectors… but that’s not that impressive, because literally stepping on them will kill pod infectors, and they do such miniscule damage that it’s barely worth wasting a bullet on them.

Halo: Combat Evolved is rough. I can see how it revolutionized the shooter genre and it still has some brilliant aspects that hold up today, but actually playing the game can be exhausting at times. Still, for all its rough edges, I’m glad that I finally got to experience this game for myself and live out my teenage dreams for real.

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My Favourite Magic: The Gathering Cards of 2024

Over the past couple years, one of my friends finally convinced me to check out Magic: The Gathering… and my wallet has been cursing him ever since. One of my weekly rituals is to listen to the EDHrec podcast, which recently had an episode about their favourite cards of the year. This got me thinking about what my favourite cards of the year were as well, which eventually lead to me sitting down and writing a full-on article about this.

Instant

And the winner is…

Sorcery

And the winner is…

Enchantment

And the winner is…

Artifact

And the winner is…

Creature

And the winner is…

Lands

And the winner is…

(Note: in the EDHrec podcast, Planeswalker was the next category. I have only two of the Planeswalkers released this year, Sorin of House Markov and Kaito, Bane of Nightmares. Really not enough variety to even have a valid opinion, but if I had to pick, it would be Kaito.)

Mechanic

And the winner is…

Commander

This category is solely made up of the commanders I built this year. There may very well be better commanders from 2024, but it would be wrong of me to say that the ones I built weren’t the best, wouldn’t you agree?

And the winner is…

And that’s the end! I hope you enjoyed this impromptu dive into the world of Magic: The Gathering! I don’t know if I’m going to make this an annual thing or not, but this certainly was a fun project for me.

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Ranking the Albums I Listened to in 2024

Welcome back to my annual music countdown! As is tradition here on IC2S, I go back through the albums I’ve listened to this year and then rank them from worst to best. Hopefully this list encourages you to check out some new music you may or may not have heard of before now!

There’s no honourable/dishonourable mentions this year, so let’s just get right into the countdown, starting with…

16) The Fall, Trapt

Trapt hold the distinction of having the worst album I’ve ever listened through, so of course I was going to have to see what the hell they were going to shart out the next time they released an album. The Fall certainly leaves a “great” first impression… I mean, just look at that cover, there’s no way this wasn’t AI generated garbage (just look at the face, hands, feet… what the hell is this?). For the record, Trapt put out an even worse AI generated cover for one of the singles from this album, so this is in no way unwarranted speculation.

Shitty AI art is one thing, but we’re here to make fun of the actual music. Okay, that’s a bit unfair – I actually heard reasonably good things about this album going in and, as I demonstrated with OMNI last year (or, hell, my very generous Left Behind reviews), my pre-conceived thoughts on an album don’t necessarily line up with my final thoughts. That said… this is Trapt. I had thought that Shadow Work might just be an experiment that went wrong, but no, The Fall sounds pretty damn close to what we got from Shadow Work. Now, to be entirely fair here: it’s not as bad as Shadow Work, but that statement sets the floor so low that “The Fall is terrible” is still an big improvement.

So I guess “lowest common denominator soft post-grunge” is just Trapt’s default sound now? I know it’s kind of a joke at this point, but “Headstrong” is what this band is known for. You’d think that they’d try to provide something for people looking for more music that sounds like that? Instead, we get track after track of whiny, toothless, lethargic, limp rock that blends together to produce boredom. Not since I was three years old has music so effortlessly put me to sleep like “Home” did. For most of the album, it’s just this – aggressively mediocre rock songs with no energy to them, and it makes for a completely forgettable listen.

…note: I said most. Yeah, I’m going to be somewhat charitable to Trapt here, because there were a couple tracks that I actually found myself enjoying. “Above It All” has an 80s pump-up pop-rock sound and energy to it. It even has a guitar solo! This track was fun, I kinda liked it. Then there’s “When I Get Better”, which just goes full pop and is all the better for just embracing it instead of taking a bunch of half-measures. These aren’t exactly song of the year contenders, and they’re not doing anything unique, but I could see myself legitimately enjoying these two songs if I gave them a few more listens.

But… yeah. That’s just two songs in a nearly hour-long album. They definitely rocket The Fall well past the level of Shadow Work, but it doesn’t change the fact that the vast majority of this album is just dull.

Trapt? More like… Crapt, amiright?

15) Doomsday/Here I Am/Learning How to Be Human, Manafest (Bandcamp… none of these albums are on there though…)

Earlier this year I had to re-rip a bunch of my CDs so I’d have better audio quality for the MP3s on my phone. In the process of doing that, I had to go over a couple Manafest albums and they reminded me that, once upon a time, he was making some legitimately good music. After a swathe of disappointments, I had sworn off giving his newer releases a chance multiple times, but after this recent listen of Epiphany and Glory I said “Y’know what? I’m gonna give Manafest ONE last chance to impress me.”

…and then I looked at Spotify and saw that he has released THREE albums in 2024 which, as far as I can tell, literally share 81% of their tracks between each other (that’s not even a joke; I did the math, 27 out of 31 tracks between these three albums are on at least one of the other albums… worst of all, Here I Am doesn’t even have one unique track).

Okay, so even if these albums end up sucking, it’s at least going to be an interesting story, right? As far as I can tell, it seems like he released a bunch of singles in 2023 and 2024 and then compiled them into Doomsday… and then made two more albums which compiled the previous album and then added a couple new tracks each time. These albums released weeks apart from each other and two of them even have the exact same album cover! As far as I can tell, Learning How To Be Human is intended to be the “definitive” album, but then the other two are classified as full-on LPs on Spotify and Album of the Year, so who the hell actually knows? It’s such a baffling way of going about things – I’m used to seeing bands release an EP with a few tracks from an upcoming album, but this usually is just a snippet, the tracks can often end up being different than the album versions, and it’s not unusual for there to be some unique material. Releasing basically the same album three times just makes no sense; good luck understanding this mess. Is it to game the Spotify algorithm, somehow? Do you get more listen time this way? I don’t get it at all.

Whatever Manafest’s reasons for re-releasing this album so many times, the resulting music is… fine. I mean, it’s Manafest – my expectations are already pretty low given how many times he’s left me disappointed, so at least my expectations were met this time, I guess? The music is at its best when Manafest is leaning into his classic rap-rock sound, where it at least has some energy to it (such as “Glitch in the Matrix”, “Here I Am”, and the “Doomsday” remix). It’s at its worst when he’s attempting to pull off a modern pop sound, which results in boring, limp instrumentation and flat vocals (“Back of a Church”, “HELP!”, “No Stranger To The Pain”).

I’m going to be charitable and include the unique tracks from Doomsday into my analysis as well (since I basically view this as one big album in my mind). These tracks include covers of “Crawling” and “In The End” by Linkin Park, “Seven Nation Army” by The White Stripes, and “God’s Gonna Cut You Down”. Unfortunately, these covers are fine at best. “God’s Gonna Cut You Down” fares best, with an aggressive, country-gospel swagger. On the negative end of things though is “In The End”, which suuuuucks compared to Linkin Park’s rendition. It exemplifies what makes most of these cover tracks fail, and that’s the limp instrumentation and flat vocals compared to the tracks they are covering, which robs them of much of their energy.

All-in-all, it’s another Manafest album. As soon as it was done, I found myself thinking “Well, I can’t imagine that I’m ever going to listen to any of this ever again”. Nothing here is necessarily bad like The Fall, but it sure as hell is dull and not something I have any interest in experiencing again. I guess that’s part of life though, you don’t need to keep forcing yourself to keep trying things that you just don’t enjoy anymore. I’ve been at that place with Manafest for at least a decade, and checking-in, I can say that I’ve made the right choice. Unless he has a big farewell album, or a universally-acclaimed comeback at some point, I really can’t see myself bothering to pay any more attention to Manafest ever again. Best of luck, Chris, and thanks for the memories; it was pretty cool that you signed my copy of Glory seventeen years ago.

14) Colossal Oppressor, Ten Ton Slug (Bandcamp)

Earlier this year, as I was regretting selling my copy of Toxrill, the Corrosive back when I started Magic, I came across this awesome album cover on r/metal. It was destiny, I had to give Colossal Oppressor a listen. Ten Ton Slug are, appropriately, sludge metal (think early Mastodon), with a heavy, aggressive, slow-tempo sound. The results are enjoyable and definitely worth a listen, but none of the songs particularly stood out to me. And… um… yeah, that’s about all I can really say about Colossal Oppressor. As you can tell, it didn’t leave a big impression on me and the fact that I’m struggling to put a paragraph together about the album should tell you all you need to know.

13) What Slept Beneath Tarvos, The Wise Man’s Fear (Bandcamp)

The Wise Man’s Fear return to the annual music countdown and this time they’re branching out a bit from their usual fantasy-metalcore themes: this time, they’ve ventured into sci-fi! While this is largely a narrative change, it has resulted in an eclectic mixture of new elements worked into their sound, including electronic music, more deathcore sections, and even a couple tracks with rap-metal influences. This results in some interesting tracks, the highlights of which would be “Obsidian Blade” and the title track. Unfortunately, my main issue with What Slept Beneath Tarvos is that there just isn’t enough here. This is an eleven-track album which lasts barely twenty-four minutes. Two of these tracks are mood-setting instrumentals and four are interludes, meaning more than half of the tracks here don’t really give us any meat to dig into. I’m not even sure if you can really classify an eleven-track release as an EP. Whatever the case, What Slept Beneath Tarvos is just too short. It leaves you hungry for far more, and that makes it feel disappointing. Maybe that’s just me being greedy, but the album as a whole suffers for it.

12) HAPPY, OCEANS (Bandcamp)

Since releasing one of my favourite albums back in 2020, OCEANS have been steadily releasing new music. Hell is Where the Heart Is represented a new chapter for the band, moving into a more nu metal-inspired sound, which also coincided with an increase in angst that led to some pretty cringy songwriting at times. HAPPY finds OCEANS leaning harder into the nu metal trappings, introducing some rap elements into the fold now. Unfortunately, this means that we get some of the cringiest music in their career with “SLAVES TO THE FEED”: “I’m sick and tired, this social media game is a charade / Fake personas, chasing fame, it’s all a masquerade / We’re scrollin’ through the timelines, dealing with our clicks / Validation is the drug, I’m breaking free from the fix”. As you can probably tell, HAPPY is largely about our relationship with social media and its effect on society and mental health. I’m very much receptive to an anti-social media song, but this kind of ham-fisted songwriting just comes across as dumb (contrast this with OMNI: Part I‘s artful approach to the topic). That said, I do find myself getting some guilty pleasure out of HAPPY: it’s extremely angsty, but in a way that feels sincere and the eclectic fusion of genres sounds good for the most part. This is definitely one of the messier releases of OCEANS’ career, but it’s still an enjoyable time.

11) Voyage of the Dead Marauder EP, Alestorm (Bandcamp)

As I’ve said plenty of times now, Alestorm’s career has been pretty mixed for the past several years. On the one hand, you know exactly what to expect of them – the issue is whether the new music they deliver actually ends up any good. Voyage of the Dead Marauder acts like a little slice of their career as of late and, thankfully, it is mostly successful. On the one hand, we have their more “high-effort”, “serious” pirate metal tracks, exemplified with the titular “Voyage of the Dead Marauder”. Then there’s the goofier tracks and, as a Canadian, I’m happy to say that “The Last Saskatchewan Pirate” is one of the funniest songs Alestorm has ever put together. Meanwhile, “Uzbekistan” carries on their tradition of globe-trotting adventures, landing somewhere in the middle between serious and an outright joke, although the resulting song is a bit middling overall. Then there’s the video game soundtrack nostalgia bait, “Sea Shanty 2”. Of course, this is also a modern Alestorm release, so it has to have another “LOL, obscene!” track, and this is filled out with “Cock”… which is about as lame as you’d expect. Look, “Fucked With an Anchor” came out seven years ago and this is, at least, the third time we’ve gotten an attempt at copying it; are Alestorm fans really clamoring for a new one with every album? All-in-all, Voyage of the Dead Marauder doesn’t break any new ground, but for $5 it’s a worthwhile buy, even if only for the title track and “The Last Saskatchewan Pirate”.

10) Pirates II: Armada, Visions of Atlantis (Bandcamp)

As I alluded to last year with Delain’s Dark Waters, I’m really hungry for some non-Alestorm pirate metal. I had checked out Visions of Atlantis’ Pirates a couple years ago, so I was interested to see what this follow-up would hold. Similar to Delain, Visions of Atlantis approach pirate-themed music through a symphonic metal lens, so if you’re familiar with that subgenre, you should know exactly what to expect: operatic female vocals, power metal vibes, string instrumentation, etc. In that regard, Pirates II is on the heavier side for symphonic metal, but doesn’t present anything particularly innovative. That said, there are some really solid tracks here, such as “The Land of the Free” and “Tonight I’m Alive”. If you’re getting bored of Alestorm’s extremely tongue-in-cheek take on pirate metal, then Pirates II should help scratch that itch.

9) Wake Up the Wicked, Powerwolf (Bandcamp)

It’s another year, so that means that Powerwolf obviously put out another album to milk their rabid fanbase. This time we get Wake Up the Wicked, which feels like a throwback to Blood of the Saints, in contrast to their last couple albums, which have been experimenting with the boundaries of Powerwolf’s traditional sound. On the one hand, this means that Wake Up the Wicked is not breaking any new ground – every song sounds like a Powerwolf song, it’s all very familiar. On the other hand, this is Powerwolf – they’re very good at what they do, and even with all this well-trodden ground, they’re still making really enjoyable songs, like “Bless ’em With the Blade”, “1589”, and especially “Thunderpriest”. All-in-all, it’s Powerwolf: if you like them, you’re gonna like this. If you don’t like them, there’s nothing here that you haven’t heard before.

Also, I feel the need to say that Powerwolf usually have some of the best deluxe albums in the industry, featuring entire bonus albums of cover tracks, either by Powerwolf themselves, or by various friends and peers. Unfortunately, Wake Up the Wicked‘s deluxe edition is underwhelming in comparison, only having a live album and orchestra versions of the album tracks. This isn’t nothing, but Powerwolf have set the bar so high that it feels relatively disappointing and is worth noting.

8) VERITAS, P.O.D. (Bandcamp)

As a long-time P.O.D. fan, it’s been sad seeing a band, which was once on top of the world, struggle for any relevance for nearly twenty years now. VERITAS marks the first time since at least 2012’s Murdered Love that P.O.D. has gotten an actual marketing push behind them, with several singles released to hype up the album. P.O.D. always does something different with each new release, but VERITAS sees the band leaning into their a heavier, more straight-forward hard rock side (in fact, their signature reggae elements are practically non-existent this time around). The highlight of the album is easily “AFRAID TO DIE”, featuring some of the strongest music and lyrics that the band has put out in the last decade, which has made it the band’s biggest hit in years. Other highlights include “DROP”, which is one of the heaviest tracks P.O.D. have ever put out (featuring Randy Blythe of Lamb of God, no less), “LIES WE TELL OURSELVES”, and “I WON’T BOW DOWN”. Other tracks are fine, but unremarkable, like “I GOT THAT”, “LAY ME DOWN”, and “THIS IS MY LIFE”. The album itself is barely over half an hour, so it doesn’t last very long (nor does it outstay its welcome). Overall, VERITAS has some great tracks on it, but they’re offset by an equal number of unmemorable tracks, making for a bit of a mixed bag in the end. Still, it’s heartwarming to see P.O.D. getting some recognition again and I hope that they can really capture that success when the next album cycle rolls around.

7) OMNI, Pt. 2, Project 86

I’ve had very complicated feelings about Project 86 and OMNI, but I went over those in last year’s album list, so I’m not going to repeat it here again. Suffice to say, we’re back for what is apparently Project 86’s final studio album, bringing another round of social media paranoia and heavy metalcore music. Unsurprisingly, this release is very much a “part two”, carrying on immediately from where the first album left off and making for a seamless double album listen. Pt. 2 is largely the same as the previous album, although it does differentiate itself a bit by not being bogged down by extended interludes, and is even heavier, angrier, and even more paranoid than the previous album was. Unfortunately, I’m still soured on Project 86 for aforementioned reasons, so while I can acknowledge that this is a solid album, I’m sad that I can’t enjoy it the way I’d like to. Maybe someday I’ll be able to look back on Project 86 with different eyes and, at that time, OMNI will stand as a beacon marking the end of an impressive career.

6) Stories to Forget EP, Words of Farewell (Bandcamp)

Words of Farewell have a pretty well-established sound at this point, putting out epic, industrial-tinged, melodic death metal. I’ve always enjoyed their new releases, and Stories to Forget is more of the same in that regard. From the opening moments, Stories to Forget is clearly Words of Farewell doing what they do well, but damn if it is not enjoyable. My favourite tracks here include “A Lesser King” and “Mono No Aware”, but you really can’t go wrong with any track on Stories to Forget. Also of interest is “This Mirage, My Likeness”, which is basically a cover of “This Shadow My Likeness” from their album A Quiet World, but given a very different sound which makes it an interesting companion piece. All-in-all, Stories to Forget is not reinventing the wheel, but it is an enjoyable little collection of solid music that is sure to please any fans of Words of Farewell.

5) Erebus EP, REMINA (Bandcamp)

Since REMINA’s debut album released in 2022, I’ve found myself drawn back to STRATA again and again as a go-to chill, melancholy, atmospheric listen. Suffice to say, I’ve been looking forward to their next project ever since. Erebus is a stop-gap release of sorts, songs that were produced as part of an upcoming album, but which did not fit with the album’s themes. Rather than discard them, REMINA decided to release them as their own stand-alone thing. As a result, Erebus does have a somewhat incoherent feel to it, but the tracks that we have gotten are solid. REMINA are clearly trying to expand their sound beyond the atmospheric, chill, haunting, cosmic doom they established on STRATA, which is best exemplified with this EP’s title track and “Siren’s Sleep”. “Cinderfall” hews closer to what I’d expect from this band, but “Siren’s Sleep” is really the highlight here. It has a more traditional doom metal sound to it and features male vocals which contrast well with Heike Langhans’ poignant voice. If this is what REMINA’s cast-offs sound like, I cannot wait for the full album to get into my hands.

4) LIFA Iotungard (Live), Heilung (Bandcamp)

The original LIFA is easily my favourite Heilung release: the live setting works so well for their style of ritualistic, Neolithic folk music. Naturally, when I heard that Heilung were releasing a second live album, I was excited to see if it could capture that same sort of energy. While I can say that, for the most part, LIFA Iotungard succeeds, there’s a couple nagging issues which make me enjoy it less than I’d like. First of all, the quality of the recording is a bit worse compared to LIFA, sounding like some of the performers aren’t mic’d up and are getting recorded from halfway across the venue. Secondly, there is a lot of overlap in the setlist between LIFA and Iotungard, with only four new tracks added to this set. If this is your first Heilung experience, then you probably won’t mind, but if you’re like me and have listened to LIFA many times over the years, it’s probably a bit disappointing, especially since new tracks like “Svanrand”, “Norupo” and “Traust” are major highlights here. It also probably doesn’t help that this was performed and recorded in 2021, long before Heilung released Drif, so their options for new songs to perform was more limited than it would have been if they had released a more recent live recording. Really though, this is largely nitpicking – LIFA Iotungard is a spellbinding listen from start to finish. If you have not listened to Heilung before, then you owe it to yourself to experience the hypnotic splendor of tracks like “Alfadhirhaiti”, “Othan” and “In Maidjan”, especially in a live setting like this.

3) CONCRETE JUNGLE [THE OST], Bad Omens

Since topping my list of best albums of 2022, Bad Omens have found themselves become arguably the biggest new band in metal, leading the charge for a new movement of pop-metal fusion bands. It’s kind of a cool moment for me, because I’ve never had a band I liked suddenly become popular. Interestingly, Bad Omens have decided to follow-up this success with an experimental album which gives me some hope for the band’s future. My biggest hang-up with The Death of Peace of Mind was always that I feared that Bad Omens would drop their metal roots altogether, but CONCRETE JUNGLE [THE OST] suggests a future where Bad Omens doubles down on the pop elements and the metal elements simultaneously, which is enticing to say the least.

CONCRETE JUNGLE [THE OST] is basically a three-part “expansion pack” to The Death of Peace of Mind, featuring new tracks, remixes, and some live performances, for a meaty, hour-and-a-half release. The remixes and live tracks are all what you’d expect, so I won’t labour on them, but the real meat of this release is in the nine new tracks (one of which is a cover of a song from the first Bad Omens album). These new tracks have a distinctly cyberpunk feel to them, weaving pop, metal, and industrial elements together in a way that just bores into your skull and stays there. My favourite of the bunch is “THE DRAIN”, which has an absolutely killer, heavy bassline which you can’t help but headbang along to. Other highlights here include the infectious “V.A.N.”, “ANYTHING > HUMAN” , and the heavy EDM stylings of “NERVOUS SYSTEM”. Really, for an album billed as an experimental supplement, CONCRETE JUNGLE [THE OST] is brimming with ideas and great music and makes for a great listen in its own right. Add in the fact that they also threw in an entire album of remixes AND an entire live album as gravy, and this release is just an absolute treat. I may have had some hesitation about Bad Omens’ future after TDOPOM, but after CONCRETE JUNGLE [THE OST], I can’t wait to see what the band has in store for us going forward.

2) Shining, Swallow the Sun (Bandcamp)

Since I discovered them in 2020, Swallow the Sun have become one of my all-time favourite bands. Their brand of doom metal mixes beauty and melancholy in such an evocative way. Their past couple albums have been grappling with the tragic passing of Aleah Stanbridge, the partner of songwriter Juho Raivio, which has clearly affected the band’s musical output. Moonflowers was particularly dour and depressing, but it seems like Swallow the Sun have turned the page for Shining. If I had to liken it to one of their previous albums, I’d say it’s closest to Emerald Forest and the Blackbird: it’s still definitely extreme/doom metal, but there’s much more of a focus on melody and catchy songwriting (“Under the Moon & the Sun” is probably the best example of this). Every track here is solid and easy to listen to, to the point where I’d argue that this is the most accessible Swallow the Sun album ever put out. So what are you waiting for then? If you haven’t listened to Swallow the Sun yet, then there’s no better time than now!

1) Welcome to Suffocate City, The Funeral Portrait (Bandcamp)

Earlier this year, one of my friends excitedly recommended me a song they had discovered. I decided to check it out and that was my introduction to The Funeral Portrait. I really dug their emo rock sound and hungrily devoured every song they had put out. They reminded me a lot of early Marilyn Manson, except not garbage and without the edgelord pontification. It looks like I got onto the train just in time, because shortly thereafter, The Funeral Portrait were an up-and-coming supporting act for big bands and they announced their first big album in years, Greetings From Suffocate City. About half of the tracks on it had already been released as singles, and they were all great, so I already knew that this was album of the year material for me.

Greetings From Suffocate City is just packed front to back with great rock tracks. “Holy Water”, “Greetings From Suffocate City”, “You’re So Ugly When You Cry”, “Happier Than You”, “Alien”, and “Generation Psycho” are all well-worth a listen and any one of them would easily be stand-outs on a weaker album. In my opinion, the diamond that shines the brightest is “Dark Thoughts”. This is the track that first got me into The Funeral Portrait. For the album release, they’ve turned it into a duet with Danny Worsnop, which compliments the track’s bluesy feel. It’s easily one of my favourite tracks of 2024, but “Voodoo Doll” is a close second, with a powerful message which is made all the better with the soaring guest vocals from Eva Under Fire. Greetings From Suffocate City is a triumph and I hope it heralds great things for The Funeral Portrait going forward.

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15 Best Movie Posters of 2024

It’s mid-December, so that means another count-down of my favourite movie posters of the past year! In case you’re unfamiliar with how this works, I spend the year trolling through impawards and collecting all the really cool, interesting and striking poster designs for 2024 movies and then narrow them down into a shortlist. As always, any poster released during the year is eligible to make the list, but special consideration is given to posters which are intended for mass distribution rather than posters which are intended to be limited-release, alternative, “artistic” posters. As usual, you can see the full-sized poster in all its glory if you click on the images.

Anyway, with those considerations out of the way, let’s get onto the list, starting with some dishonourable mentions:

Bloodline Killer is a badass title for a horror movie, and this poster is trying its damnedest to be edgy, but it just comes across as goofy to me. Maybe this movie is good, but this poster sure as hell isn’t making that case for me (also, that axe head is tiny).

OH FUCK ME“, I literally said when I saw this poster with Matt Walsh’s shitty, fucking face plastered on it. All that this poster makes me want to say, upon seeing it, is “yes, you are, you piece of shit”. That said: I’ve heard that the movie is not nearly as bad as it looks. I may, in legitimately good faith, check it out just to see if that’s true.

Yeah… they’ve made another one of these movies (two, actually, since I last covered the series). Unfortunately, God’s Not Dead 3‘s more moderate message was rejected by the audience, so they went back to full-on conservative circle-jerking for these last two movies. In God We Trust appears to be the most overtly-political of them all, featuring Pastor Dave trying to run for office… good fucking God, given how bad the other movies were, I cannot begin to imagine how awful this one will be. I am probably going to do another Retrospectives catch-up in 2025 covering all the new movies in existing Retrospectives series, so expect more suffering from me when I get around to watching this…

And with that said, let’s get into our top 15 proper:

15) The Wild Robot

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m a simple man. You put a cute fox on your movie poster, and you’ve instantly caught my attention. That said, these posters genuinely do a great job selling the movie: a sense of wonder, joy, and mystery with charming characters, reminiscent of The Iron Giant. Hell yeah, I’d love to see that, sign me up.

14) Twisters

Twisters made for a pretty good, back-to-basics summer blockbuster. Lots of excitement and mayhem, with a fun, Hallmark-style romantic drama at its center. These posters for Twisters do a good job of letting you know what you’re in for: the wonder and terror of nature, and how powerless our heroes will be in the face of it. Also, probably goes without saying, but the posters hearken back to the iconic poster for Twister, so it also promises to be a good time like that movie was (I’d say they succeeded).

13) Alien: Romulus

Even if you know nothing about the Alien movies, this poster for Alien: Romulus is uncomfortable. If you do know what a Facehugger does to you, this poster is downright disturbing. The overwhelming red gradient makes the poster eye-catching, while also feeling threatening and alarming. A very well-composed and considered poster all-round, does a great job appealing to Alien fans and general horror audiences too who may be less familiar with the franchise.

12) Destroy All Neighbors

This year’s “what the fuck is this movie!?” poster, Destroy All Neighbors is certainly eye-catching. Initially this appeared blasphemous – the guy looks and is posed like zombie Jesus. However, after a bit more analysis, I think the guy got electrocuted, which burned his face off? It looks pretty wild and wacky and it makes me kind of want to know what the hell is going on in this movie.

11) Despicable Me 4

I haven’t cared about Despicable Me since the first movie came out, but I will say that this poster is pretty cool. I like how they’ve composed the image: first you look at Gru, then the goofy minion trying to look like a badass, and then up to the baby. Really sells what this movie’s going for: a colourful, light-hearted, comedic, family-friendly spy caper.

10) Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga

While not as grand as some of the posters for Fury Road, I kind of like that Furiosa is going for its own thing here. Furiosa is posed like a saint in a medieval painting, a connection which is only reinforced by the adoring skeletons and war boys at her feet. The car parts everywhere remind the audience that high-octane vehicular action is at the core of this series’ identity. Having everything in the poster be made out of gold highlights this film’s turn into grandiose myth-making. It’s a very cool poster in its own right, the sort of thing you’d be stoked to mount on your wall, but the extra depth just makes it all the better.

9) The Apprentice

Admittedly, I didn’t want to put this film on the list. I was sick of Donald fucking Trump in 2017, I sure as hell did not want to see his stupid, fucking face when this movie came out, and the 2024 election results have just made me hate the idea of anything Trump repulsive. That said, when I had to make my list, I couldn’t help but begrudgingly accept that this is one of the best posters of the year. It’s appropriately gaudy, invoking the desperation of Trump to appear rich. Sebastian Stan looks perfect as Trump, to the point where I kind of want the movie to turn into Inglourious Basterds in the third act… Jeremy Strong looming over it all makes you wonder what part he has in shaping Trump as well. As much as I hate to admit it, this is really solid poster.

8) Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes

I am happy to report that the latest Planet of the Apes film had some of the most visually-interesting posters of the year. I particularly like the center poster, which references the colours and composition of the original film’s poster, while also working in a destroyed cityscape and the main characters. I also really like how much they set the king ape up as a real sinister bastard. Considering that the previous films set the apes up as the good guys, it’s good to remind the audience that there’s going to be a shift in tone going forward, with the established moral lines being much more grey. I haven’t actually gotten the chance to see Kingdom yet, but these posters certainly suggest that it will be a good time.

7) Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire

A new Monsterverse movie released this year and, once again, the marketing team was on-point, giving us some of the most visually striking posters of the year. While I do think that Godzilla x Kong‘s posters are a step down from their previous work, and they haven’t given us anywhere near the same number of absolute bangers, what we did get still looks really cool. Hopefully next time they step their game up a bit more, because I’d love to see Godzilla top one of these count-downs once more.

6) Art of a Hit

Like Alien: Romulus, Art of a Hit uses red to invoke threat and alarm. Unlike Alien: Romulus, I do not know what this movie is about, and it makes my mind brim with imagination. We’ve got five characters, presumably a rock band central to the narrative. The guitar is dripping blood, suggesting that this isn’t just a standard music biopic – some pretty nasty events are going to play out. The title itself is clearly a double-entendre, promising murder will be involved. I had never heard of this movie, but this poster legitimately has got me interested, which means it’s doing its job. Bravo, poster.

5) Back to Black

I do not particularly care about Amy Winehouse’s music, but damn, even I am impressed by how perfectly they’ve transformed Marisa Abela to look like her for this poster. I also appreciate that they’re being respectful here – they don’t invoke the a lurid, grimy side of Winehouse’s life here. Instead, they celebrate her at her peak, the best image of her that the public would have seen. Sure, it’s probably all in service of yet another Oscar-bait music biopic, but this poster is at least promising.

4) In a Violent Nature

Speaking of grimy posters, In a Violent Nature‘s posters absolutely deliver what you’d want to see out of a brutal, old-school slasher film. I especially like the first two posters, which use evocative, messy stills to invoke 70s grindhouse film advertisements. They don’t show too much directly, but the implications are all there that you’re in for a bloody, nasty time. The third poster is more modern and conventional for a slasher film, reminding me of the sorts of posters we got for My Bloody Valentine 3D. All-in-all, these are some pretty impressive posters for an indie slasher film, easily some of my favourites of the year.

3) Terrifier 3

Of course, as far as grimy, nasty, old-school posters go, it would be pretty hard to top Terrifier 3. True to form, these posters are fucking gross, which is entirely appropriate for a Terrifier film. I’m not a huge fan of art that is shocking and violent solely for the sake of getting people offended (Crossed, Cannibal Corpse’s entire discography, etc), but these posters are absolutely warranted in the case of Terrifier 3, considering that they intentionally market this franchise as “movies so shocking that only the most hardcore of audiences can make it through them”. The Christmas imagery just makes this even more offensive, likely intended to be evocative of the moral panic which occurred around Silent Night, Deadly Night.

2) A Quiet Place: Day One

In an industry inundated with meaningless character posters and Drew Struzan rip-offs, I am always a sucker for a good “simple” poster, which A Quiet Place: Day One nails beautifully. You will see the image and the warnings before you realize what movie is being advertised, due to the small title. In my opinion, this makes them much more effective. In addition, they also have some more subtle additional details about the film’s setting and the importance of obeying the “rules” to survive in this world. As for the last poster for Dolby Cinema, it’s very much an ad (the double-Ds take up more real estate than the actual movie being promoted), but I love how elegantly it communicates the importance of sound in these particular films. It straight-up sells me on the idea that, yeah, seeing this movie in Dolby Cinema would probably be the ideal way to go about it.

1) Longlegs

These posters for Longlegs perfectly combine my favourite things about a good subtle poster and a good horror movie poster. It reminds me a lot of 2018 best poster runner-up, The Clovehitch Killer, where the there isn’t really any one “thing” going on with it to tell you what the movie is about… however, the image is so beautifully shot and composed that it communicates far more than you might expect at first glance. The first poster is downright disturbing – why the fuck is she holding that knife to her belly?! That doesn’t look like the face of someone who is scared. The implications are profoundly unsettling. Meanwhile, the poster featuring Maika Monroe is just her reaction to something horrifying. We see that she has a gun, and she’s still terrified. Naturally, this gets your imagination going, wondering what she could have seen: did she see the end-result of the previous poster? I don’t know, but it is very effective.

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My 100 Worst Movies of All-Time (25-1)

25. Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

Kicking off our bottom twenty-five, we have another legendarily bad sequel, Jaws: The Revenge. Suffice to say, this movie’s as bad as everyone has said. Again, this is another horror sequel that just kills off its most famous characters, making Sherriff Brody die of a heart attack off-screen and then having his son, Sean, get killed by the shark at the very start of the film. It just feels insulting to the series’ legacy and is such a lame way to try to make us give a shit about Ellen Brody… that’s right, the main fucking character of this movie is the mom who is basically window-dressing in the previous films. This could work with a hell of a writer who tries to flesh out her character, but this is Jaws: The Revenge: of course we don’t give a shit about her. The film is just fucking boring, and rehashes the original film for most of the runtime, only a thousand times worse and with nonsensical plot developments which make the shark seem like it has psychic powers. I generally find that the movies most notorious for being bad are over-hyped: sure, they’re bad, but they were also famous enough that a general audience would recognize them. For the real bad shit, you usually have to look into the more obscure films which lack even professionalism. Jaws: The Revenge, on the other hand, is one of those bad movies that has well and truly earned its reputation. Like I said before: the 80s were a wild time for baffling, theatrically-released stinkers.

24. BloodRayne (2005)

Oh hey, BloodRayne has an entry in both my all-time worst games and worst movies list, what an accomplishment! Once again, we’re looking at a Uwe Boll video game adaptation “classic”. Despite its star-studded cast (which includes Michael Madsen, Billy Zane, Udo Kier, Ben Kingsley, Michelle Rodriguez, Meat Loaf, and Kristanna Loken, fresh off Terminator 3, as Rayne), the film feels completely amateur on every level you can think of. It makes for an incredibly shoddy film, which attempts to create this huge fantasy epic, but with basically no talent, budget, or capability to do such a thing. It doesn’t even feel like this is a passion project for Boll, everything is just lazily done. It’s not even as laughably entertaining as some of his other, more notorious efforts either.

23. Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)

Even by the standards of 90s slasher sequels, Freddy’s Dead is just the worst. The film is so embarrassing: New Line Cinema clearly viewed Freddy Krueger as a global icon, and so they removed the last shreds of horror from him to give him more mass appeal. Instead, they just play up his one-liners, making him completely insufferable. The result is like one of those corporate mascots who is marketed as edgy, but they can’t actually be edgy or they’ll piss some people off, so they just come across as lame instead.

The film looks incredibly cheap, which is why it’s so shocking that they actually had a fairly large budget to work with. Its plot is also downright insane, immediately starting with the premise that, in a ten year period, Freddy has killed every single teenager in Springwood, except one. That is just monstrous and gets glossed over almost immediately. It also just suffers every pitfall you’d expect a bad slasher sequel to fall into (bad acting, bad narrative, tired formula, etc).

That said: Carlos’ death scene is still a solid, grade-A kill, and the one time that the cartoonish tone actually works for the movie.

22. Pompeii (2014)

I would say that this movie was a bigger disaster than the real-life eruption of Vesuvius, but that would be just insensitive, stupid and uninspired… oh hey, all of those words COULD describe Pompeii adequately though. Pompeii is clearly trying to be a mix of Gladiator and Titanic: a lowly gladiator and a high-born merchant’s daughter fall in love and try to evade her betrothed and survive the natural disaster going on around them, only to be met with tragedy at the end. Unsurprisingly, Kit Harrington and Emily Browning put in terrible performances as the lead characters. Only Kiefer Sutherland puts in an enjoyable performance, as he hams it up like mad as the primary antagonist. The actual eruption sequences are about as loud, CGI-filled, and over the top as you’d expect. The eruption of Vesuvius has a ton of potential for a great film, but you’re not going to find it here. Stay as far away as possible.

21. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)

This… this movie did not get a theatrical release. In 1997!? No, there is no way they would do that. I literally am having to look this up as I’m writing this, because I do not believe it happened. Not with this level of quality. No, that is not possible, no one in their right mind would think that this movie belongs on a theater screen. OH MY FUCKING GOD, IT GROSSED $51.3 MILLION!??!

I legitimately think that the original Mortal Kombat is one of the best video game adaptations of all-time. This sequel is staggeringly bad, even by the standards of video game movies. The acting is abysmal. The narrative is nonsense. The special effects look horrendous. The fights are terrible. The sets and costumes look so fake. THIS MOVIE HAD A $30 MILLION BUDGET!?!?!!!?

It might sound like I hated Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, but I actually love it. It is a special kind of bad, one which is utterly unhinged and never boring. However, it is because of that love that I have to put Annihilation in the place it deserves: near the top of the worst movies of all-time list.

20. Dogman (2012)

I’ve long had a fascination with the legend of the Michigan Dogman, a werewolf-like beast said to roam the woods of its namesake state. So, when I found out that someone was making a movie based on the cryptid, I was immediately interested. Hell, I saw a copy of the Blu-ray of this movie at an HMV back in the day for like $30 or $40, but I was so interested that I almost went and paid that outrageous amount for it. THANK GOD I did not, because it would have been the worst purchase of my life. I’d love to say that Dogman is this plucky, indie film success story, but it is anything but that. The film looks so cheap that you could confuse it with a home video. The narrative is incredibly dull, with no suspense at all. The acting is below even amateur. Oh, and to make it all worse, the film just ends anti-climactically, leaving you feeling even more pissed off after all that. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen it, but Dogman really left an impression on me that I vividly remember it for just how bad and boring it was and will often bring it up whenever I’m asked what the worst movies I’ve ever seen were.

19. Monster Hunter (2020)

Boy, Paul W.S. Anderson sure is getting a lot of spots on this bottom twenty-five list, isn’t he? I’m not even exaggerating when I say that Paul W.S. Anderson has to be the worst writer-director and producer in Hollywood these days. After ruining the Resident Evil film franchise, Anderson and Milla Jovovich turned their sights to another Capcom video game franchise: Monster Hunter… and, somehow, they’ve managed to make an even more insulting adaptation of their source material.

Now, I do think that Monster Hunter could make for an interesting high-fantasy film series if it’s confined to the world of the games and features a character learning to hunt these monsters that threaten civilization. Instead, Anderson goes for that lucrative US military propaganda money and makes this a dimension-hopping misadventure where a bunch of marines get pulled into a portal to a world full of monsters. Pretty much everything here sucks, particularly the direction and breakneck pacing. The film barely makes use of the Monster Hunter concept of preparing for the hunt ahead, which is nuts considering that’s entirely what those games are about. Instead, this is just another brainless Paul W.S. Anderson flick that will entertain only the most undiscerning of tastes.

18. Silent Hill: Revelation (2012)

Silent Hill: Revelation is staggering for how badly it captures the appeal of its series. The original Silent Hill is definitely one of the better video game adaptations (which is to say that it’s not great, but has some interesting ideas and captures the tone perfectly). It pretty much laid the blueprint for what a sequel would need to do: use the same brand of spooky, psychological of horror and aesthetic, but just have a stronger story this time and you’ll make a legitimately great film, guaranteed. Revelation didn’t give a shit about that. Released at the height of the garbage Silent Hill games and the 3D movie trend, Revelation discards its predecessor’s lessons entirely and instead dives face-first into a pile of shit. Gone is any attempt at psychological horror, this is just the most generic horror slop you could imagine. Seriously, this film is a total disaster: the writing, the acting, the special effects, the direction… everything. Like, I don’t want to be “that guy”, but I’m certain that even I could make a better Silent Hill film than this.

17. Alone in the Dark (2005)

Yet another Uwe Boll classic, Alone in the Dark gets us near the top of his game. Like BloodRayne, this film feels embarrassingly amateur. This can be felt the moment the film begins. Like, you know that a movie is going to be bad when it opens with a lengthy narration which explains the movie’s backstory. It just keeps going on and on to the point that it’s comical. Legend has it that this narration was added after test audiences said that they couldn’t understand what was going on in the film, which caused Boll to over-explain everything in response. The rest of the film isn’t much better, as it’s a horror movie that is direly short on scares. That said, there is one pretty cool moment halfway through where a bunch of soldiers have a shootout with a bunch of monsters in the dark, which is lit only by their muzzle flashes as they get swarmed. It’s the sort of cool sequence that makes the rest of the movie feel even more boring in comparison… like, you’re telling me you could have been doing that this entire time?

16. Vanished (2016)

Vanished was so bad when I watched it for this year’s Left Behind retrospective that it was legitimately shocking. It is just so cynical, stapling a gaggle of YA movie tropes onto a Walking Dead narrative, and then loosely tying it to Left Behind in an attempt to appeal to general audiences. That said, it’s hilarious that about 80% of this movie is a pissing contest between conservative evangelicals and conservative libertarians. That at least makes the movie kind of interesting, but the film is so badly made that it’s almost unwatchable. I legitimately think that Tim LaHaye was lying to his grandson when he said that he liked the movie, and the fact that he died shortly after watching it… well, I’m not gonna say that the movie did him in, but hopefully it left him with one more massive disappointment before the end.

15. God’s Not Dead 2 (2016)

God’s Not Dead 2 is a torturous watch. It’s the absolute worst example of the American evangelical Christian persecution complex in action, a propaganda piece which is so transparently cynical in its construction. Atheists are portrayed as a bunch of God-hating body snatchers who love nothing more than to ruin the lives of poor, innocent, put-upon Christians who never bothered anyone in their lives. The entire premise here is ridiculous, but even the filmmakers realize this, because after all their posturing about how the government and courts are biased against Christians… they end up siding with the Christians, because there’s literally no case here that can be made against them. The film doesn’t even make this out like there’s a big, clever twist that the Christians use to save themselves, it just fucking happens. Like… I can’t believe I’m defending Left Behind: Rise of the Antichrist again, but at least that movie tries to justify its propaganda and persecution complex by having it be set in a nebulous near-future where the government has taken over everyone’s lives after an unprecedented emergency. Getting any enjoyment out of God’s Not Dead 2 requires you to be fucking deluded.

14. Fantasy Island (2020)

Oh, speaking of movies that shocked me with how bad they were… I wasn’t expecting much out of a Fantasy Island remake, but somehow this movie managed to be worse than I could ever have imagined. This is supposed to be a professionally-made film with big-name actors, an experienced director, and a great production studio, so how is this the result of all that talent!? The film is entirely bereft of any sort of scares or tension, which would be bad enough, but the writing is also incredibly dumb and the characters are paper-thin and uninteresting. About the only fun in this movie was when the two brothers were on screen because, while they were a couple of stereotypical “bro” types, they were at least enjoying themselves… so maybe I’m just jealous, because I sure as hell was not enjoying myself watching this shitty film.

13. Piranha 3DD (2012)

Piranha 3D is a surprisingly solid horror film, with some of the gnarliest gore I’ve ever seen in my life thanks to Alexandre Aja’s involvement. It’s also just really fun, bringing in creative kills, big set-piece carnage, and an unabashedly sleazy tone that we rarely get out of a big movie like this these days, all wrapped around a very competently told Jaws-like narrative.

Piranha 3DD attempts to double down on the sleaze, the humour, and the cameos, but the resulting film is so much worse than its predecessor in every way imaginable. The humour and sleaze have been pushed to a point where it just makes the film stupid… like, the first movie had a guy get his dick bit off and then eaten and regurgitated by the piranhas, so in the sequel we need to have more penis trauma, right? How do they go about this? Well, a baby piranha… swims up a girl’s vagina… Somehow she does not really notice that there’s a fish swimming around in there, and this piranha doesn’t do what every other piranha in this series has done up to this point. Anyway, she has sex with her boyfriend, who gets a piranha biting him in the dick for his troubles. How does he deal with this problem? If you said “he grabs a knife and cuts his own dick off!”… then congrats, you’re as insane as the people who made this film. That’s the level of contrived, tired bullshit this fucking movie is subjecting you to.

12. The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007)

Speaking of bad horror sequels to Alexandre Aja movies which double down on the things their predecessor did, The Hills Have Eyes 2 left me fucking infuriated. The Hills Have Eyes remake (and the original before it) is notorious for having a character get raped by the villainous mutant cannibals. It’s stomach-churning stuff, but it’s shot in a tasteful way that really emphasizes the horror of the act and its effect on the women involved. Anyway, want to take a guess what aspect of the first movie The Hills Have Eyes 2 doubles down on? Yeah, the movie opens with a woman, who has been raped who knows how many times by these cannibals, giving birth to a mutant baby, and then is immediately killed by the mutants. Oh yay, cheap, mean-spirited sexual abuse and violence against women, just what I wanted… Later on, we also get a full-on rape scene after the cannibals capture one of the main characters. It’s infuriating, because the film makes you think she’s going to fight her way out before anything can actually happen to her, but no, right after she beats up her attempted rapist, a stronger cannibal immediately shows up and then he rapes her. Making matters even more despicable, the goddamn thing’s shot like a fucking porno.

The movie isn’t just shit for the ham-fisted and juvenile handling of sexual violence though. This movie attempts to follow the Aliens sequel template by having a bunch of marines fight against these mutants… but, my God, these are the worst soldiers I have ever seen on-screen. They act like a bunch of children in a Call of Duty lobby, rather than actual trained soldiers. I don’t care how much these cannibals know the terrain, they got killed by a dog and a pissed off nerd in the last film, they wouldn’t stand a chance against a squad of trained marines with guns. Fuck this piece of shit movie, I despise it.

11. Lost City Raiders (2008)

We are really scraping the bottom of the barrel now. Lost City Raiders is a TV movie about a bunch of Indiana Jones-style adventurers who look for relics after global warming has flooded most of the Earth. As you’d expect, the acting, effects, and narrative are terrible. Unfortunately, it also has a budget which would make a shoestring take pity on it. This film’s big MacGuffin is an ancient staff which is obviously made of plastic. At least it’s somewhat entertaining, but this movie is so painfully far from its ambitions that it’s downright pitiful.

10. Noobz (2012)

Man… 2013 was a different time. In a pre-Trump, pre-Gamergate, pre-anti-woke grifter world, Noobz legitimately seemed like an outdated portrayal of gamer stereotypes. Not even a year later, it would turn out that a large contingent of gamers actually were proud of being racists, homophobes, and general assholes and wanted you to know it. So… yeah, Noobz is basically Gamergate: The Movie. Even if that wasn’t enough to turn you off, the “comedy” here is awful, just a bunch of “edgy” stuff that sounds like it was cooked up by a teenager. Like… I don’t care how much you want to offend people, if the bulk of your comedy revolves around constantly making fun of a character’s life-threatening disability, and making fun of a character for being really obviously gay, you really need to diversify your jokes and get some actual fucking taste. This movie was pathetic in 2012. Now it’s just annoying in a world where fuckwits like Grummz exist to jerk off the losers who look at Noobz and think that it speaks to them.

9. Atlas Shrugged Part III: Who Is John Galt? (2014)

I really cannot understate just how badly made Atlas Shrugged Part III is. As bad as its predecessors were, you can at least tell that John Aglialoro and company were trying to make something good – they just were too inept to actually pull it off. However, after bleeding tens of millions of dollars on those movies, it feels like Part III exists only out of obligation and pure spite. Part III is cheap and shoddy to a shocking degree, to the point where I was constantly having to pause the film to take notes about some ridiculous detail I noticed. This happened so frequently that I ended up doubling the film’s runtime from all the notes I took. It’s not even like the film itself is all that interesting: it’s mostly just a bunch of time wasting to try to fill out a feature length and then get it all over with. The politics also get downright insane, ending with a scene where Dagny shoots a guard who would rather discuss a toddler’s understanding of the philosophy of free will rather than just get the fuck out of the way when told to… oh, and we’re supposed to think Dagny is righteous for doing this. If there was ever an indictment of Randian philosophy, there can be no clearer example than Atlas Shrugged Part III. It comprehensively shits all over the entire philosophy in both narrative and in its tawdry execution.

8. House of the Dead (2003)

House of the Dead is our final Uwe Boll entry and another shocking example of a movie that got a theatrical release. I legitimately do not understand how someone could see this movie and then say “people need to see this in theaters!” In a lot of ways, it’s an incredibly generic 2000s teen horror movie, but Boll packs in some proper batshit insanity which make this movie unintentionally hilarious. My jaw was agape so many times while watching this movie because I couldn’t believe that Uwe Boll had actually put something so ridiculous to film. We’re talking action sequences which are filmed on a turntable, so Boll can get copious amounts of slo-mo shots while the camera spins around the actors, and there are even sequences of the video game spliced into the film at complete random. While it may be easily one of the worst video game movies ever made, it’s also incredibly watchable and a lot of fun mock.

7. The Room (2003)

The Room is legendary for its poor quality and insane writing. The subsequent decades, and the release of The Disaster Artist, have pulled back the curtain on this film’s bizarre aspects in a way that actually makes the entire thing an interesting exploration of Tommy Wiseau’s own psychology. However, even with that in mind, The Room is legendarily bad for a reason and deserves every bit of its reputation, even if it is one of the most fascinating and unintentionally funny bad movies of all-time.

6. Teenage Zombies (1959)

Again, here’s a temperature check so you understand just how far down on this list we are in terms of quality: Teenage Zombies is a no-budget, Z-grade sci-fi movie from the 50s with basically no filmmaking talent to speak of. Hell, long stretches of it are shot more like a stage play than a movie… not for any stylistic reason, just because everyone involved had no idea what the fuck they were doing. The film also features the world’s worst gorilla costume, and the poor guy inside has clearly been given no direction, so he just kind of stands there awkwardly and wriggles around every once in a while as the camera just lingers on him pathetically. It’s not even particularly fun either, it’s just boring. A friend of mine actually bought this movie on DVD when we were in high school, and it turned out that the DVD distributor had inserted a softcore porn feature at the start of the film. I don’t know if that was just put in to try to try to sell copies of the DVD, but I am certain that that was infinitely more enjoyable than Teenage Zombies.

5. Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus (2009)

Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus was my warning to never again trust movies that sell themselves as “so bad it’s good”. This movie was infamous on release for its ridiculous scenes of giant sharks jumping out of the ocean to catch passing jet liners. These scenes are indeed hilarious… but they are also where literally all of the money has been spent, because they are intended to go viral and sell copies of the film to the morbidly curious. However, there are no funny secrets hiding here waiting to be discovered: it’s just a bunch of wheel-spinning and constantly reused CGI shots until they can get to the ending. I bought this for five dollars on DVD, because I figured it would be funny-bad. It wasn’t. It was soul-crushingly awful. They even forgot to key out the green screen at one point! Did literally no one even watch the movie before releasing it!? I’m not even kidding here, I want my ninety minutes and five dollars back.

4. Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)

Another legendarily bad “classic”, Birdemic is a surreal experience. It’s basically like if someone ripped off The Birds, but shot the whole thing on a handicam, hired the world’s worst actors, and then used literal animated gifs for the birds. There is actually a legitimate message here about environmentalism and love, so you can tell that writer-director James Nguyen really believed in this movie… he just has zero talent, so instead we get this. It’s also just really fucking dull for the first half, wasting so much time on a weirdly chaste romance that no one gives a single shit about… only to suddenly cut to a bunch of looping gifs of birds flying around and exploding. I nearly ran out of breath from laughing when this first happened, and some of the bird attacks are hilariously pathetic (they fight them with goddamn coat hangers!), but Birdemic is mostly just dull. Truly one of the worst movies ever made, but at least it made me laugh, which is more than I can say for…

3. Project X (2012)

I was not kidding back in the day when I said that I loathed Project X. A found footage film released at the height of that trend, Project X follows a group of teens who try to throw the biggest, craziest party of all-time. You’d think that this would be a formula for some fun hijinks, but Project X‘s cast of assholes make the whole affair insufferable. Costas is still the most infuriating character in cinema, up there with Dolores Umbridge in that class of characters that even Mother Theresa would murder with her bare hands if she met them. It literally nothing more than eighty-eight minutes of douche bags being douche bags, with no redeeming qualities. Even the party aspects aren’t that entertaining. Oh hey, it’s teenagers drinking, doing drugs, and… uh… pissing on each other and throwing Martin Klebba in an oven, because making fun of little people is always good for a laugh, right? Fuck this fucking piece of shit movie.

2. Scary Movie 5 (2013)

All of the other Scary Movie films were really bad, but they at least had the occasional laughs and the presence of such comedic talent as Anna Faris, Regina Hall, and Leslie Nielsen would help elevate the proceedings immensely. Scary Movie 5 has none of these qualities, making it a pathetic film to watch. The jokes are tired, stupid and go on for way too long. About the only good thing that I can say about this movie is that, for once in this franchise, at least it doesn’t lean into mean-spirited homophobia, transphobia, and making fun of people with disabilities… but, like, I shouldn’t have to congratulate the movie on that. The Zucker spoof movie was well and truly dead long before Scary Movie 5 came out, and the fact that this movie was still this bad after all that is just an indictment on humanity as a whole.

1. Howling: New Moon Rising (1995)

I cannot conceive of a movie worse than Howling: New Moon Rising. In every single way imaginable, this movie is abysmal. It is, allegedly, a werewolf movie which has more country music line dancing sequences than it does scenes with werewolves. The entire cast are extras… like, full-stop, there are no actors here. The film reuses copious amounts of footage from previous Howling movies in order to pad out its runtime. Nothing fucking happens in this movie until the last couple minutes, at which point we get the world’s worst werewolf costume and then the townsfolk immediately shoot it to death. There is literally nothing redeeming about this movie, it is pure garbage and makes the other Howling sequels look like fucking masterpieces in comparison.

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