15 Best Movie Posters of 2024

It’s mid-December, so that means another count-down of my favourite movie posters of the past year! In case you’re unfamiliar with how this works, I spend the year trolling through impawards and collecting all the really cool, interesting and striking poster designs for 2024 movies and then narrow them down into a shortlist. As always, any poster released during the year is eligible to make the list, but special consideration is given to posters which are intended for mass distribution rather than posters which are intended to be limited-release, alternative, “artistic” posters. As usual, you can see the full-sized poster in all its glory if you click on the images.

Anyway, with those considerations out of the way, let’s get onto the list, starting with some dishonourable mentions:

Bloodline Killer is a badass title for a horror movie, and this poster is trying its damnedest to be edgy, but it just comes across as goofy to me. Maybe this movie is good, but this poster sure as hell isn’t making that case for me (also, that axe head is tiny).

OH FUCK ME“, I literally said when I saw this poster with Matt Walsh’s shitty, fucking face plastered on it. All that this poster makes me want to say, upon seeing it, is “yes, you are, you piece of shit”. That said: I’ve heard that the movie is not nearly as bad as it looks. I may, in legitimately good faith, check it out just to see if that’s true.

Yeah… they’ve made another one of these movies (two, actually, since I last covered the series). Unfortunately, God’s Not Dead 3‘s more moderate message was rejected by the audience, so they went back to full-on conservative circle-jerking for these last two movies. In God We Trust appears to be the most overtly-political of them all, featuring Pastor Dave trying to run for office… good fucking God, given how bad the other movies were, I cannot begin to imagine how awful this one will be. I am probably going to do another Retrospectives catch-up in 2025 covering all the new movies in existing Retrospectives series, so expect more suffering from me when I get around to watching this…

And with that said, let’s get into our top 15 proper:

15) The Wild Robot

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m a simple man. You put a cute fox on your movie poster, and you’ve instantly caught my attention. That said, these posters genuinely do a great job selling the movie: a sense of wonder, joy, and mystery with charming characters, reminiscent of The Iron Giant. Hell yeah, I’d love to see that, sign me up.

14) Twisters

Twisters made for a pretty good, back-to-basics summer blockbuster. Lots of excitement and mayhem, with a fun, Hallmark-style romantic drama at its center. These posters for Twisters do a good job of letting you know what you’re in for: the wonder and terror of nature, and how powerless our heroes will be in the face of it. Also, probably goes without saying, but the posters hearken back to the iconic poster for Twister, so it also promises to be a good time like that movie was (I’d say they succeeded).

13) Alien: Romulus

Even if you know nothing about the Alien movies, this poster for Alien: Romulus is uncomfortable. If you do know what a Facehugger does to you, this poster is downright disturbing. The overwhelming red gradient makes the poster eye-catching, while also feeling threatening and alarming. A very well-composed and considered poster all-round, does a great job appealing to Alien fans and general horror audiences too who may be less familiar with the franchise.

12) Destroy All Neighbors

This year’s “what the fuck is this movie!?” poster, Destroy All Neighbors is certainly eye-catching. Initially this appeared blasphemous – the guy looks and is posed like zombie Jesus. However, after a bit more analysis, I think the guy got electrocuted, which burned his face off? It looks pretty wild and wacky and it makes me kind of want to know what the hell is going on in this movie.

11) Despicable Me 4

I haven’t cared about Despicable Me since the first movie came out, but I will say that this poster is pretty cool. I like how they’ve composed the image: first you look at Gru, then the goofy minion trying to look like a badass, and then up to the baby. Really sells what this movie’s going for: a colourful, light-hearted, comedic, family-friendly spy caper.

10) Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga

While not as grand as some of the posters for Fury Road, I kind of like that Furiosa is going for its own thing here. Furiosa is posed like a saint in a medieval painting, a connection which is only reinforced by the adoring skeletons and war boys at her feet. The car parts everywhere remind the audience that high-octane vehicular action is at the core of this series’ identity. Having everything in the poster be made out of gold highlights this film’s turn into grandiose myth-making. It’s a very cool poster in its own right, the sort of thing you’d be stoked to mount on your wall, but the extra depth just makes it all the better.

9) The Apprentice

Admittedly, I didn’t want to put this film on the list. I was sick of Donald fucking Trump in 2017, I sure as hell did not want to see his stupid, fucking face when this movie came out, and the 2024 election results have just made me hate the idea of anything Trump repulsive. That said, when I had to make my list, I couldn’t help but begrudgingly accept that this is one of the best posters of the year. It’s appropriately gaudy, invoking the desperation of Trump to appear rich. Sebastian Stan looks perfect as Trump, to the point where I kind of want the movie to turn into Inglourious Basterds in the third act… Jeremy Strong looming over it all makes you wonder what part he has in shaping Trump as well. As much as I hate to admit it, this is really solid poster.

8) Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes

I am happy to report that the latest Planet of the Apes film had some of the most visually-interesting posters of the year. I particularly like the center poster, which references the colours and composition of the original film’s poster, while also working in a destroyed cityscape and the main characters. I also really like how much they set the king ape up as a real sinister bastard. Considering that the previous films set the apes up as the good guys, it’s good to remind the audience that there’s going to be a shift in tone going forward, with the established moral lines being much more grey. I haven’t actually gotten the chance to see Kingdom yet, but these posters certainly suggest that it will be a good time.

7) Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire

A new Monsterverse movie released this year and, once again, the marketing team was on-point, giving us some of the most visually striking posters of the year. While I do think that Godzilla x Kong‘s posters are a step down from their previous work, and they haven’t given us anywhere near the same number of absolute bangers, what we did get still looks really cool. Hopefully next time they step their game up a bit more, because I’d love to see Godzilla top one of these count-downs once more.

6) Art of a Hit

Like Alien: Romulus, Art of a Hit uses red to invoke threat and alarm. Unlike Alien: Romulus, I do not know what this movie is about, and it makes my mind brim with imagination. We’ve got five characters, presumably a rock band central to the narrative. The guitar is dripping blood, suggesting that this isn’t just a standard music biopic – some pretty nasty events are going to play out. The title itself is clearly a double-entendre, promising murder will be involved. I had never heard of this movie, but this poster legitimately has got me interested, which means it’s doing its job. Bravo, poster.

5) Back to Black

I do not particularly care about Amy Winehouse’s music, but damn, even I am impressed by how perfectly they’ve transformed Marisa Abela to look like her for this poster. I also appreciate that they’re being respectful here – they don’t invoke the a lurid, grimy side of Winehouse’s life here. Instead, they celebrate her at her peak, the best image of her that the public would have seen. Sure, it’s probably all in service of yet another Oscar-bait music biopic, but this poster is at least promising.

4) In a Violent Nature

Speaking of grimy posters, In a Violent Nature‘s posters absolutely deliver what you’d want to see out of a brutal, old-school slasher film. I especially like the first two posters, which use evocative, messy stills to invoke 70s grindhouse film advertisements. They don’t show too much directly, but the implications are all there that you’re in for a bloody, nasty time. The third poster is more modern and conventional for a slasher film, reminding me of the sorts of posters we got for My Bloody Valentine 3D. All-in-all, these are some pretty impressive posters for an indie slasher film, easily some of my favourites of the year.

3) Terrifier 3

Of course, as far as grimy, nasty, old-school posters go, it would be pretty hard to top Terrifier 3. True to form, these posters are fucking gross, which is entirely appropriate for a Terrifier film. I’m not a huge fan of art that is shocking and violent solely for the sake of getting people offended (Crossed, Cannibal Corpse’s entire discography, etc), but these posters are absolutely warranted in the case of Terrifier 3, considering that they intentionally market this franchise as “movies so shocking that only the most hardcore of audiences can make it through them”. The Christmas imagery just makes this even more offensive, likely intended to be evocative of the moral panic which occurred around Silent Night, Deadly Night.

2) A Quiet Place: Day One

In an industry inundated with meaningless character posters and Drew Struzan rip-offs, I am always a sucker for a good “simple” poster, which A Quiet Place: Day One nails beautifully. You will see the image and the warnings before you realize what movie is being advertised, due to the small title. In my opinion, this makes them much more effective. In addition, they also have some more subtle additional details about the film’s setting and the importance of obeying the “rules” to survive in this world. As for the last poster for Dolby Cinema, it’s very much an ad (the double-Ds take up more real estate than the actual movie being promoted), but I love how elegantly it communicates the importance of sound in these particular films. It straight-up sells me on the idea that, yeah, seeing this movie in Dolby Cinema would probably be the ideal way to go about it.

1) Longlegs

These posters for Longlegs perfectly combine my favourite things about a good subtle poster and a good horror movie poster. It reminds me a lot of 2018 best poster runner-up, The Clovehitch Killer, where the there isn’t really any one “thing” going on with it to tell you what the movie is about… however, the image is so beautifully shot and composed that it communicates far more than you might expect at first glance. The first poster is downright disturbing – why the fuck is she holding that knife to her belly?! That doesn’t look like the face of someone who is scared. The implications are profoundly unsettling. Meanwhile, the poster featuring Maika Monroe is just her reaction to something horrifying. We see that she has a gun, and she’s still terrified. Naturally, this gets your imagination going, wondering what she could have seen: did she see the end-result of the previous poster? I don’t know, but it is very effective.

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My Top 100 Movies of All-Time (100-51)

Surprise! Like I said in my favourite video games list, I’ve been tracking every movie I’ve watched for about twenty years now. In that time, I’ve compiled ratings for nearly fourteen-hundred films, so making a top one hundred list is simultaneously trivial, and yet, even harder, because I have so many more pieces of media to pick between. One hundred picks seems like a lot, but it really is not: several movies that I love didn’t even make the list. Furthermore, I didn’t include several classics that I’ve seen, but haven’t watched in over a decade, so the details are too fuzzy for me to include them in good conscience (The Godfather movies, No Country For Old Men, There Will Be Blood, Apocalypse Now, etc). As usual, this is entirely subjective and only based on the movies I have seen, so leave your angry comments about me omitting Norbit down below. Got it? Let’s go…

100. Tropic Thunder (2008)

I’ll never forget the first time I saw Tropic Thunder. I was sleeping over at a friend’s house and had to work early the next morning. Around midnight, we put on the TV to the movie channel to kill a few more minutes before bed. Tropic Thunder was playing, and I figured we’d turn it off pretty quickly. You see, around the same time that Tropic Thunder released, we got the critically-lambasted Delta Farce. For some reason, I thought that Tropic Thunder was a similarly-bad military comedy and paid it no heed.

However, I quickly found that my initial assessment of the film was incorrect. Tropic Thunder was fucking hilarious. The whole thing was just comedy gold. We stayed up the whole time to watch it and didn’t get to bed until around 2am. I was bloody tired at work the next morning, but it was completely worth it.

99. We Need to Talk About Kevin (2011)

This is a rough film. Tilda Swinton puts in an incredible performance as a mother who struggles through life after her son, Kevin, went on a mass murder spree. Seeing how Kevin got to the point he reached is gut-wrenching. The really remarkable aspect though is how it forces you to interpret Kevin’s actions: was he born evil, or was he made this way by his mother? The film leaves this entirely up to you, and it can lead to some pretty fierce opinions. This film is beautiful, and horrifying.

98. Shaun of the Dead (2004)

A pitch-perfect horror/romantic comedy, Shaun of the Dead is fantastic. Very funny, very sweet, sincerely romantic, and legitimately gory and scary by the end.

97. Blade Runner (1982)

Ridley Scott brings to life a stunning, noir-cyberpunk realization of the future through jaw-dropping 1982 special effects. The results look incredible even today. The narrative is phenomenal, exploring existential themes about life, duty, and what makes one “human”. It’s the sort of cerebral blockbuster that we just don’t get enough of these days.

For the record, its sequel, Blade Runner 2049, just barely missed the top one hundred. If you have not seen it, fix that.

96. Nope (2022)

Nope is a remarkable film. It’s very Spielberg-ian: it’s got moments of wonder, then moments of excitement and suspense, and then moments of pure terror. I’m not kidding, this movie’s horror is so effective because of what it doesn’t show and what it implies. There’s a subtlety to it that allows for the horrors to arise after you’ve watched it, creeping in when you’re thinking about it later and leaving you properly disturbed. For the most part though, this film is quite exciting and wonderous, and yet another feather in Jordan Peele’s cap.

95. How to Train Your Dragon (2010)

How to Train Your Dragon is one of those classic kids movies that can be enjoyed by all ages: full of wonder, emotion, and with a strong story at its center of growing up and earning the acceptance of your peers and family by being yourself.

94. Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024)

Furiosa has the impossible task of following up on Fury Road, one of the greatest sequels of all-time. While definitely a weaker film overall, it manages to still stand out thanks to not being a simple retread of its predecessor. Furiosa is a grandiose, myth-making epic, chronicling the history of the wasteland, as seen through the eyes of its titular character. Like any good prequel, Furiosa lends its main character a lot of additional depth, and it really makes Fury Road all the more satisfying.

93. The Kid (1921)

The lone silent film on the list today, The Kid is classic Charlie Chaplin: lots of silly, physical comedy, backed up by an extremely moving narrative. It’s a truly timeless film, one which can easily be enjoyed even today.

92. Godzilla Minus One (2023)

I love me a good Godzilla movie, but Godzilla Minus One is by far the most impactful in terms of the human drama. Unlike nearly every other Godzilla movie, spending time with the human characters is never a drag. We see first-hand how the people of Japan rebuild their lives from nothing after World War II, so seeing them brought low again by Godzilla makes the requisite destruction all the more stomach-churning and effective. This rendition of the monster even reminds us that the terror of war and nuclear devastation never truly leaves you. It is insane how Godzilla is still resonating with audiences in new ways seventy years later, but Godzilla Minus One is a testament to the creativity of the filmmakers Toho employs.

91. Shrek (2001)

Shrek has to be one of the most quotable movies of all-time. Like, do you really need me to spell out why this movie is so good? I love Shrek. You love Shrek. It’s funny, exciting, and heart-warming in equal measure.

90. Casino Royale (2006)

I’ll admit, I kind of hated Casino Royale when it first came out. My family had been binging the 007 DVD collection which had recently released at the time, so we picked up Casino Royale to continue the collection. However, Casino Royale feels nothing like any other Bond movie released before it, which really turned me off of it for a while. However, in the years since, I’ve found myself really drawn to it. It ditches the traditional Bond formula and is much more of a conventional action/spy thriller, with some of the best writing, direction, and performances in the franchise.

89. Shrek 2 (2004)

I give the slight edge to Shrek 2 over its predecessor, but it is very close. What really makes Shrek 2 work so well for me is the whole second half of the film where Shrek is, well, not “Shrek”. You can clearly tell that Shrek believes that all of his problems stem from people being prejudiced against him for being an ogre, so seeing him get to turn that around and then find out that, actually, his problems can’t just be magically solved gives the movie a lot of emotional weight. Plus it’s every bit as funny and exciting as the first movie, although I definitely have to give the edge to this movie for the fantastic “Holding Out for a Hero” finale.

88. Letters From Iwo Jima (2006)

I don’t tend to be a big fan of war movies: most of the time, they want to have big, exciting action sequences, but they also need to have an anti-war message, so they end up feeling schizophrenic. These sorts of war movies also often have way too much time wasted on a requisite romantic subplot, and it absolutely bogs the entire thing down. Letters From Iwo Jima is one of the good ones. At the time of its release, the Japanese side of the conflict was never really addressed in western media – they were the bad guys, a bunch of kamikaze sub-humans who would rather die than dishonour their country, with the Battle of Iwo Jima representing the height of their bloody conviction. Letters From Iwo Jima paints the Japanese soldiers with a far more sympathetic and human brush. They’re just regular people who are pressured by their superiors and country into doing awful things. There are some truly intense scenes here, all punctuated by fantastic performances, and the overwhelming dread that comes from knowing how hopeless the characters’ defense of the island is.

87. Schindler’s List (1993)

The most famous Holocaust movie, Schindler’s List is obviously not a great time at the movies. The film is bleak, depressing, and emotional, showing how society slowly devolves into fascism, how that affects the lives of the scapegoats that the fascists have marked for death, and how individuals choose to react within this system. A very difficult film, not one that you want to rewatch often, but one which is more relevant today than it was thirty years ago when it released.

86. Akira (1988)

The animation in Akira is simply stunning, bringing to life a bleak, cyberpunk vision of the future. We see the friendship of Shōtarō and Tetsuo get torn apart after government experiments grant Tetsuo god-like power and he goes on a rampage.

85. Shin Godzilla (2016)

A lot of people preferred Godzilla Minus One, but for me, Shin Godzilla is the stronger and more original modern Godzilla movie. Shin Godzilla is the first film to feature an evolving Godzilla threat – at first, something alarming, but not so dangerous as to be unstoppable. However, due to government inaction, the threat escalates until it is something overwhelming and destructive. It isn’t until actual experts get involved and people start working together for the common good that the threat becomes in any way manageable. Shin Godzilla moves at an incredibly fast pace, making it constantly engaging and a very easy watch, while Hideaki Anno’s signature abstract, evocative style makes Godzilla the scariest he’s been since the 50s.

84. Tarzan (1999)

Everyone has their childhood favourite Disney movie, and for me that movie was Tarzan. It came out at the perfect time for me, and I loved its exciting action sequences, music, and more mature storyline. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to appreciate it in more ways: the film is explicitly about growing into an adult, and so it has an additional emotional weight to it now that I’ve watched this as a kid, an adult, and now a parent. Soon I will share it with my own children, and the cycle will continue.

83. Godzilla (1954)

It is truly remarkable how effective Godzilla is seventy years after its release. In so many of its sequels, the destruction sequences are fun and exciting. Here, they are terrifying and horrific, especially for a film released in the 50s, keenly evoking the horrors of the atomic bomb which were still fresh in the minds of the people of Japan. The special effects also are impressive for the time period and the film moves at a very quick pace, even with its grand scope. Finally, the human element of the film is extremely compelling, a factor which its successors almost always fail to recapture even to this day.

82. The Shape of Water (2018)

It’s wild that this film won Best Picture for 2018, but I’m so glad that it did. I loved The Shape of Water. It’s so easy to meme on it for being the monster-fucker movie, or you can be a tool and say “the monster can’t consent” when it very clearly can… that’s all missing the point. The Shape of Water is legitimately, and sincerely, about the power of love outside of the accepted norms of society. The main characters are minorities forced into positions of servitude: a mute woman, a black woman, a gay man, a fish monster, etc. They use their positions on the outside in order to circumvent the monstrous, patriarchal villain. The scene where Richard Jenkins tries to express his feelings to another man, only to be met with scornful rejection and homophobic panic, is truly heartbreaking. His decision to then, in response, try to help Sally Hawkins to be with her own lover is inspiring and really hammers home the film’s message. The Shape of Water is such a great film, don’t be a fucking cynic about it and you will have an amazing time.

81. Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Full Metal Jacket is notorious for having one of the best first acts in movie history (largely thanks to a transcendent performance from R. Lee Ermey), only to fall off for the rest of the movie. While this assessment isn’t entirely wrong, the second half of the film is better than these people give it credit for, showing how the dehumanization of the military system turns soldiers into emotionally-stunted psychopaths. That said… yeah, the first half has some of the best lines in all of cinema, which is even more insane when you consider that R. Lee Ermey made most of them up on the spot. Fucking legend.

80. Kubo and the Two Strings (2016)

First of all, Kubo and the Two Strings is a gorgeous film, utilizing state-of-the-art stop motion animation to make a film where every single frame is a work of art. However, what really earns it a spot on this list is its narrative, which is mature, emotional, tragic, exciting, and even scary. It’s a film for all ages, a tale about the power of stories, family, and how your ancestors have helped shape you into who you are today.

79. Tokyo Story (1953)

I took a film elective back in my first year of university and was introduced to several interesting films that I never would have encountered otherwise. Tokyo Story stands out among them for how unusual it is. It is an incredibly slow and deliberate film, to the point where the camera barely moves and there are long shots which just show the characters going about their business at home. The film is about an aging couple who go to visit their children, but find that they have grown up to be selfish and ungrateful. The one exception is Noriko, their widowed daughter-in-law, who is the biggest sweetheart in the entirety of cinema. The film itself clearly has themes about family and how traditional Japanese society post-World War II was impacted by Western influences. Not the easiest watch on this list, but a very rich one if you can deal with a slow pace and are looking to branch out to something a bit more different and cerebral.

78. Red Cliff (2008)

Anyway, fuck the cerebral, Red Cliff is a historical epic by John Woo. Set in the Three Kingdoms period of ancient China, we follow Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang as they flee the despot Cao Cao, who has taken control of the imperial court and is on a campaign to eliminate all his potential rivals. Our heroes seek shelter with the warlord Sun Quan and his advisor, Zhou Yu, and quickly establish a hasty alliance as they make their stand at the titular Red Cliffs against an army several times their size. The film then features several impressive battle sequences, often employing elaborate, clever strategic gambits which make the film endlessly entertaining and keep the audience on their toes, wondering what sort of genius move Zhuge Liang will spring next. As someone who loves Dynasty Warriors and Romance of the Three Kingdoms in general, Red Cliff left me overjoyed at how well it captured one of the greatest chapters of this period of history.

77. The Bourne Identity (2002)

The Bourne Identity came out at a time when action movies had started getting really over-the-top, and it was a breath of fresh air as a result. The amnesia aspect lends the plot a strong, central mystery, and the action sequences are fantastic. The film is also kind of ahead of its time, steeped in post-9/11 paranoia and US government overreach which they couldn’t have possibly known would be so relevant and defining for the time it released. It also made Matt Damon into a legitimate action hero, which was an incredibly risky move at the time when he was just “the Good Will Hunting” guy.

76. Ben-Hur (1959)

There’s nothing quite like a 50s film epic, and the Charlton Heston-starring Ben-Hur is certainly one of the most remarkable amongst them. Trying to figure out how they shot the massive sea battles and the climactic chariot race with 50s technology is mind-boggling, and the story itself is simultaneously personal and epic in scope.

75. Toy Story (1995)

Another all-time classic family film, Toy Story kicked off Pixar’s fifteen year dominance of the animation industry, and remains amongst their best to this day.

74. Paths of Glory (1957)

Another one of those films I watched for my film elective, Paths of Glory is a tragic World War I film by Stanley Kubrick. The central narrative revolves around generals sending men to die, and then sending even more to die to take the blame for their mistakes. It reveals the nasty side of military hierarchy and the injustice of war.

73. District 9 (2009)

District 9 is a remarkable film, mixing a very overt South African apartheid allegory with a kick-ass sci-fi action romp. The special effects are really good, doubly-so when you consider it was made on a fairly low budget. The narrative is the real highlight though, laying bare the exploitation, isolation, and dehumanization of marginalized groups and how the dominant group enforces this order. Even if you somehow can ignore all that, the film also has some real nasty body horror and an explosive finale where people are literally getting blown to bloody bits by alien weaponry, making it easy to enjoy on multiple levels.

72. Her (2013)

Spike Jonze has such a wild filmography, often taking a weird and intriguing concept and then playing that out over the course of a feature-length film (in that regard, Being John Malkovich barely missed the top one hundred, largely because I haven’t seen it in more than a decade, so the details are a bit fuzzy now). Her follows a lonely, isolated man who purchases an AI assistant and then finds himself falling in love with her. True to form, Spike Jonze then explores this basic premise quite thoroughly, making for a fascinating watch. Her is a film which was remarkable at the time, but has only become moreso in the past few years with the rise of AI “girlfriends” and even the founder of ChatGPT trying to contract Scarlett Johansson herself to voice their own AI due to an obsession with the film (tech bros never understand the movies they claim to love, eh?).

71. A Quiet Place (2018)

A Quiet Place came out at the right place and time for me. As much as I loved the slow, paranoid, post-apocalyptic horror movie, It Comes at Night, that film’s marketing notoriously promised an intense creature future, which it definitely was not. Then came A Quiet Place, which was everything that film promised to be. Not only that, but it came out just over a month after I found out that I was going to be a father, which provided the family-based storyline an added weight and gravitas. People nitpick the shit out of this movie, but I think it’s entirely unfair. If you can leave your cynicism at the door, A Quiet Place is incredibly well-directed (especially for a directorial debut!), well-acted, and intense as all hell (which is even more notable considering that it’s a PG-13 horror film).

70. Toy Story 2 (1999)

Toy Story 2 does everything you want a sequel to: it’s bigger, funnier, more impressively animated, it expands the series’ world, and it introduces several fun, new characters. If you don’t cry at the “When She Loved Me” sequence, you don’t have a heart.

69. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988)

The Naked Gun is easily one of the funniest films ever released, one which I find myself quoting all the time. It is a pitch-perfect noir cop movie spoof, with fantastic sight gags, a memorable third act, and a effortlessly deadpan performance from Leslie Neilsen (who was mostly known for dramatic roles up to this point).

68. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

Of all the movies spewed out by the Marvel Cinematic Universe in the past decade and a half, the ones that have held up the best have to be the Guardians of the Galaxy films. These movies were a major gamble at the time, a property that basically no one had heard of or cared about, starring untested leads and directed by a man best known for making gross-out horror and comedy movies. However, James Gunn really brought his love of comic books to the screen, crafting a hilarious and compelling world, thanks in large part to a star-making performance by Chris Pratt, and supported by colourful performances from Dave Bautista, Zoe Salanda, and Bradley Cooper. This particular film is one of the tightest and most fun comic book romps of all-time, making it an easy recommendation whether you like the MCU or not.

67. Dune: Part One (2021)

Despite influencing all of sci-fi media, either directly or indirectly, for the past sixty years, Dune remains a unique sci-fi vision for how rich and elaborate its worldbuilding is. Denis Villeneuve brings this universe to life with his signature eye for scale and gorgeous cinematography, producing a film which is just plain epic in an era when blockbusters are falling apart at the seams.

66. Get Out (2017)

Jordan Peele’s directorial debut created waves upon its release, and for good reason. This is a damn good horror movie which introduces its mysteries and then slowly pulls the back curtain on them before the frightening and visceral conclusion. Its racial themes were especially relevant at the time, and lend the film much more depth in the process.

65. Mission: Impossible – Fallout (2018)

For a long time, the original Mission: Impossible was my favourite movie in the franchise by a pretty wide margin, even as people sang the praises of each subsequent sequel. Nah, I preferred the more grounded, paranoid, and intriguing approach Brian De Palma took as opposed to the bombast of the sequels. That is, it was my favourite, until Fallout released. Fallout is just the best, hands-down. We’ve got some of the most insane stunts of the entire franchise, we’ve got the fun extended cast which have built up over the past few movies, and we even have some of the more compelling villains to round it all out. It’s just an incredible action movie, top to bottom, and easily the best movie in the franchise.

64. The Witch (2015)

The Witch is one of those horror films which crawls under your skin and demands your attention long after it’s over. As someone who studied Renaissance and early-American literature, it’s fascinating to me that this feels like a direct adaptation of the sort of cautionary stories which would be told at the time: tales of witches committing acts of evil against Christians, the importance of obeying the church leaders, and the corruption of nature against the God-fearing. As a result, it’s arguably a Christian film in some respect, a warning against consorting with the devil. However, remarkably, it is just as much a Satanic film, since you can interpret it just as easily to be a liberation for Thomasin from her harsh, religious family into a world where she can live deliciously. Add in the gorgeous cinematography, the keen eye for authenticity, and the more subtle scares, and The Witch is an all-timer horror movie.

63. Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Night of the Living Dead is one of those movies that you have a bunch of pre-conceived notions going in: it’s a low budget, black and white zombie movie from the sixties, how good can it really be, especially after decades of gory successors? The answer is that Night of the Living Dead is shockingly good, even today. The racial elements of the film have long been acknowledged as a happy accident, but seeing the tension between Ben and Harry is palpable and unmistakable, especially given the civil rights battles occurring at the time. There are also some surprisingly brutal zombie scenes, and the ending is incredibly bleak.

62. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)

As good as the first Guardians of the Galaxy is, Vol. 2 is even better due to its much stronger emotional core. I remember being a bit mixed on it when I first saw it, since it’s much more unfocused. However, the film has strong themes about family… but not in a simplistic way, it’s all about the messy aspects of family: found family, estranged family, abusive relationships, jealousy, selfishness, and the love that can still be found in spite of all that. All of that, on top of the same sort of mad-cap humour and action of the original film, make Vol. 2 arguably the best movie in the entire MCU.

61. Parasite (2019)

Parasite was such an enthralling film. When I watched it, I got about halfway through and then I needed to take my dogs out to do their business before bedtime. “That’s fine,” I thought, “I’ll just watch to the end of this scene and then I’ll take them out.” That scene suddenly and unexpectedly became extremely tense and just kept escalating. Every time I thought it was reaching a crescendo, it just kept wringing more and more tension out, before finding more unexpected ways to make things escalate. After about thirty minutes of this I just resigned myself to watching the rest of the movie (the dogs were fine, by the way).

Parasite is fascinating for how it handles class conflict. It’s not morally black-and-white like you might expect from a poor people vs rich people movie. The impoverished heroes of the film are scheming and taking advantage of the rich characters, and there’s definitely a sense that they’re not exactly in the right. That said, the rich characters are also ignorant, lazy, and dumb. Their wealth is clearly not due to merit, they just got lucky to get where they are, whereas the poor characters have to work like mad just to stay alive, and screwing over others is just what they have to do to survive. It’s such a fascinating film and far more tense, funny, and nuanced than you’d expect going in.

60. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is a film that was formative to me growing up. As a result, it pains me that I can never watch it again. I have carried so many little life lessons and quotes from this movie with me and I treasure them dearly. This is also a film that left me bawling, even as a teenager. Just imagining reliving some of these moments now when I have grown older and have my own kids gets me choked up, and I can’t put myself through that kind of emotional turmoil. That said: this is a must-see film, especially if you’re still young enough that it’s not hitting so close to home.

59. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

Rogue One is, by far, my favourite Star Wars movie of the Disney era, an opinion I’ve held since it released (I remember a lot of people saying it was mid, or that the characters are uninteresting, and I will not hear that shit). The climactic, third act battle is incredible and deserving of its accolades, but I think that the first two acts are also underrated. Seeing a scrappier, more morally-compromised Rebellion is fascinating, and seeing them learn to unite under a more idealistic ideology is cool to see. I also do, legitimately, like the characters and seeing them getting cut down one-by-one in the finale is heart-breaking.

58. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

My least-favourite of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Two Towers is still an all-time great film. It’s got everything that makes the other movies as good as they are: great characters, fantastic writing, epic battle sequences, and ground-breaking special effects, but it has the most prominent flaws in the trilogy. Most notably, after the first half, the film drags when it is not following Aragorn’s storyline. When the action cuts to Merry and Pippin, Arwen, or Frodo (after he gets captured by Faramir), the pace slows to a crawl. Even Aragorn’s storyline suffers at times, as the whole section where Edoras is evacuated and until they get to the warg battle is just kind of dull. That said: it’s still The Lord of the Rings. Even at its worst, it’s still miles ahead of most other films, and the duller moments just feel worse due to being juxtaposed against some of the greatest moments in cinema.

57. Batman Begins (2005)

Batman Begins, along with Casino Royale, ushered in the brief era of “gritty” reboots in the mid-2000s. A lot of those movies ended up being laughably bad, but Batman Begins was really remarkable for how well it nailed the idea of a more grounded take on Batman, especially after the disastrous reception of the Schumacher films.

56. John Wick (2014)

After years of Taken rip offs, the conventional action movie was feeling tired. John Wick seems like it’ll be another one of these, but it ended up being something unexpected, new, and special. The subtle world-building makes the film’s relatively simple setup feel so much more grand. The action sequences are fantastic, aided by a thumping EDM soundtrack. It also helps that the film trims all the fat that action movies feel they need to throw in to make you interested: there’s no obligatory romantic subplot, just a cute dog and a bad guy that you want to see punished so badly. It’s also worth noting that, at the time this released, Keanu Reeves was kind of a joke for how wooden his acting can be. However, John Wick absolutely nails Reeves’ strengths as an actor, putting in one of the best performances of his career and, once again, turning him into a beloved icon that he has remained for the past decade.

55. Titanic (1997)

James Cameron can do no wrong. Titanic is one of those films that has something for everyone: the romance parts are fine, but if that’s not your cup of tea, then you’ll love the spectacular sinking sequences, which remain some of the most tense, exciting, and tragic set-piece action sequences in all of cinema. This movie started a life-long obsession with the great ship for me, and for that I’ll always have a place in my heart for this film.

54. Hot Fuzz (2007)

My personal favourite of the Cornetto Trilogy, Hot Fuzz brings Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost’s signature British humour to the action/cop movie genre. The result is a film that is equal parts side-splitting comedy and rip-roaring action film, with more memorable lines than you will be able to deal with (yeah, motherfucker!).

53. War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)

The finale of the modern Apes trilogy promises action and spectacle, but ends up being a far more emotional, dark, and contemplative film than you might expect. This will likely divide fans of the previous two films, but for my part, War is a grand finale to Caesar’s story. The film is structured like a Biblical epic, creating the foundation for a myth which will lay the bedrock of the new ape society.

52. Sicario (2015)

Sicario is a spectacular action-thriller, featuring spellbinding performances from Emily Blunt, Benicio del Toro, and Josh Brolin, and with the adept direction of Denis Villeneuve. The film shows the ugly side of America’s war on drugs, how it affects Mexico, how it causes those involved to dehumanize Mexicans, and the ways that America perpetuates the conflict for their own benefit. Easily the best part of the film is the sequence where a convoy of DEA agents cross the Mexican border to apprehend a senior member of the drug cartel in order to provoke a response. You’re left on the edge of your seat the entire time, waiting for the cartel to strike, watching them circle like jackals. It’s easily one of the best-directed thriller sequences I’ve ever seen, a nail-biting scene that you need to see for yourself.

51. Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981)

For about thirty years running, The Road Warrior used to be the template for a sequel that is bigger and better than its predecessor. That reputation is kind of forgotten now considering how monumental Fury Road was, but it really has to be said that The Road Warrior is still a hell of a great action film. This film’s car chases are still some of the craziest action sequences put to film, and its depiction of the post-apocalypse has gone on to influence every other vision of a hellish future we’ve gotten since.

And that’s it for part one of this list. If you’re reading this the day it releases, part two will be out tomorrow!

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My Worst 25 Games of All-Time

So, since I went through my top 100 games of all-time, I thought it might be interesting to flip the script and see what my least-favourite games ever were! Important note: I’m only covering twenty-five games on this list. Put simply, it’s a lot harder to get through bad video games as opposed to other forms of media: you either know the sorts of games you’re into, or you are so put-off by a game that you drop it immediately before you can make any impressions. As a result, I don’t have a lot of games played that are truly awful (even the first few entries on the list aren’t all that bad). And, again, these are all very subjective opinions and are based on the games I personally have played. Got it? Let’s get into it.

25. The Simpsons: Road Rage (2001, PS2)

The Simpsons do not have a good track record with video games. There are a few gems, but Road Rage is not one of them. It’s literally Crazy Taxi, but with a Simpsons skin over it. As you might expect, the entire premise is extremely thin: pickup passengers, drive them to their destination as fast as possible, get money based on how quickly you get there. The one thing that makes Road Rage sort of worth it is the quippy writing, which should give you a few laughs. However, there’s not a whole lot to do here and you’re going to hear the same lines over and over again, so it’s an experience that is going to grow dull pretty fast.

24. The Incredibles (2004, PS2)

If you grew up in the PS1 and PS2 era, you probably went through a “licensed games” phase where you were too young to realize that these games sucked. I used to play through anything back then, having not developed any standards of what proper game design was like yet. The Incredibles is the first game where I can remember myself getting close to the end, getting killed over and over by the bullshit controls and balancing, and just deciding “I’m done, this game isn’t worth it.” It’s a very simple, but poorly balanced beat ’em up. Not a game I truly hate, but one that I can’t say I ever actually enjoyed myself playing.

23. Dead Space 3 (2013, PS3)

Okay, maybe I’m being a bit harsh here, but I really do hate Dead Space 3. It killed off one of my favourite franchises, and shit all over its story and gameplay on the way out. If you think I’m just being harsh, then feel free to ignore this entry and put Turning Point: Fall of Liberty on the list… I really couldn’t justify it myself though. Turning Point left me feeling indifferent. Dead Space 3 fills me with disappointment and anger which invalidate any of its positives. As I said in my Love/Hate analysis of the game, it’s a fundamentally compromised experience, one that is worse than its predecessors in every way, and not even good compared to Uncharted and Gears of War, which it’s trying so hard to be like. Perhaps it’s for the best that Dead Space died here, I’d hate to see what would have happened if they paraded its corpse out for a fourth entry.

Oh, by the way: the remake pisses me off too. EA shuts down Visceral and then gets a new studio involved and parades Visceral’s work out when there’s greater profit potential? Fuck you, EA.

22. Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter (2006, PS2)

This one makes it onto the list for a very specific reason. Back when Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter came out, the gaming magazines were singing its praises, calling it the best shooter on the market and a must-play. As a fan of the genre, with that kind of endorsement, I knew I had to check it out. I bought a copy for my PS2, fired it up… and I was bored shitless. The gunplay was so mediocre, the squad controls were a lot less in-depth than I had been led to believe, and there was no cover system… What were the game journalists thinking…? It’s like they were playing a completely different game.

Well… turns out that they were. At the time of the Xbox 360 and PS3’s release, Ubisoft had a fucking scummy policy where they would release completely different versions of games on last gen consoles. The differences between the current gen versions (which got all the coverage and accolades) and the last-gen versions were barely communicated, so I (and many others) got duped with low-effort junk after being told it was gold. The fact that the next-gen version was so good makes it sting even more, I am so annoyed that I got hyped up for this experience and then bought the “wrong” game.

21. Friday the 13th: The Game (2017, PS4)

I actually Kickstarted this game back in the day and, while I didn’t have particularly high hopes, I figured it would at least be interesting. Little did I know that Friday the 13th: The Game would play out pretty similarly to the movies themselves: pretty bad in its own right, but made all the worse due to legal battles over the rights. Friday the 13th was one of the earliest asymmetrical multiplayer horror games: one player plays as Jason against a group of survivors, who need to complete objectives and survive in order to win. While the core of the experience was kind of fun (whether that be sneaking around to find a way to escape the campground, or hacking up teens with a machete), the game was buggy beyond belief. It felt awful to play: the controls were janky, the graphics and animations were very poor (it would have looked dated even on last gen consoles), and the netcode was pretty bad. It was unique enough an experience that I did forgive a lot of this for a while, but I was never under any illusions about how badly made the game was.

That was all bad enough on its own, but what really sank Friday the 13th was that the franchise became embroiled in a rights legal battle, halting any further development of the game for years. There were more game modes, characters, and cosmetics planned, but they never got the chance to implement them, and the game basically withered away on the vine. As we have seen with Dead By Daylight, there was definitely a market for this kind of game, but it’s sad to see that Friday the 13th didn’t really get a fair shake to carve out a proper place for itself.

20. Resident Evil 6 (2017, PS4)

Resident Evil 6 is an exhausting game. There’s just too much stuffed into this bloated mess of a game. In trying to appeal to everyone, it leaves nobody satisfied. There’s so much here that much of it isn’t given enough attention, leaving half-baked mechanics and level designs. Of the four campaigns, the only one that I kind of liked was Jake & Sherry’s. However, I’ve heard just as many players say that Chris or Leon’s campaign were the only one they liked, so you can see how polarizing this campaign structure is. The four campaign structure also screws over the plot (which is easily the dumbest and most over-the-top in franchise history). Then spread this out over a twenty hour playthrough, and you can see why Resident Evil 6 just generates exhaustion even thinking about it.

19. Twisted Metal 4 (2017, PS4)

I loved Twisted Metal as a kid. We had a PS1 demo disc with Twisted Metal 2 on it and my brothers and I would play split screen matches against each other in that demo, it was awesome. Unfortunately, after Twisted Metal 2, the original developers moved onto other projects and the franchise was handed over to 989 Studios. Twisted Metal 3 and 4 are both pretty notorious for how badly they screwed up the franchise’s tone. For my part, I think 4 is worse (hence why it made the list): Twisted Metal 3 feels like the previous games, just… significantly dumber. Twisted Metal 4, on the other hand, turns the franchise into a cartoonish joke. Sweet Tooth pulls off a coup and takes control of the contest, which could be a really cool concept. Unfortunately, they’ve also interpreted Sweet Tooth by putting more emphasis on the clown part, so all of his scenes have him juggling in a circus while surrounded by goofy clowns… it’s something, alright. That’s not even taking into account the actual game itself. The cars look like toys and control like ass. The only cool things are that you can create a custom car (with, like, a grand total of nine options to pick from) and Calypso enters the contest with a goddamn nuclear rocket truck (which is dumb because it makes him by far the coolest driver in the game, why the hell would you play anyone else?).

18. Star Wars: Episode I – Jedi Power Battles (2000, PS1)

You really had to be there for Star Wars: Episode I. Lucasfilm were milking the shit out of it, licensing Star Wars all over the place. The film had 5 video game tie-ins just in that first year (which isn’t even counting all the handheld ports those games got). One of these was Jedi Power Battles. My brothers and I enjoyed it as kids, largely because it was the most “violent” game we were allowed to play at the time. I enjoyed the hack ‘n slash combat for the time, and the blaster deflection parry was really cool, but even back then we had one major complaint… See, Jedi Power Battles isn’t just a hack ‘n slash like it is advertised to be. Oh no, the game is also secretly a 3D platformer… and the absolute worst 3D platformer ever made, I may add. You spend an inordinate amount of time in this game jumping over bottomless pits to land on platforms. With this game’s slippery controls and isometric camera, it’s legitimately difficult to make some of these jumps. Making matters worse are that the game has some extremely precise jumps, to the point where there are jumps in the first goddamn level that you will not make unless you start jump after you’re already off of the platform. It’s fucking ridiculous, but it reaches a zenith during the Coruscant level. You spend 99% of this level jumping on platforms… oh, and it also happens to be the longest level of the entire game. You have a limited number of lives in this game: on more than one occasion, we had to restart the entire level, because we kept falling into bottomless pits over and over again.

By the way, this wasn’t just me being a scrub as a kid. I recently fired up Jedi Power Battles on my Retroid Pocket 4 Pro and, as soon as I got to the platforming sections, I just kept dying. It was flabbergasting how much they were asking of you and how badly it controlled. It’s too bad, the game is pretty fun when it’s actually being a hack ‘n slash, but the platforming is such an inordinate problem that it sinks the entire experience.

17. Cabela’s Big Game Hunter 6 (2002, PC)

Cabela’s Big Game Hunter 6 is clearly a budget title. That is fine. You get a relatively large open world in which to go hunt animals (large enough that there’s an ATV you can drive), and there’s a pretty impressive number of real-life gear in the game that you can use. The problem is that the game is clearly trying to be a hunting simulation, and expects you to treat it like one: slowly, quietly sneaking up on your target to land the perfect shot.

Unfortunately, the illusion shatters as soon as you get bored. “Fuck these deer, I’ve got things to do,” you say and then you just start sprinting headlong at them. The game’s animal AI is too dumb to react appropriately to a screaming monkey with a gun blasting at them, and so they stand there dumbfounded as you close the distance with them in the blink of an eye. Then, when they do run, you’re supposed to track the blood and figure out where they went. Instead, you just sprint after them, continually blasting the poor deer in the ass with your Cabela’s-branded gun. I legitimately wish that they had put some mechanics in to prevent this from happening. A hunting sim could be pretty interesting as a unique, niche experience. However, if you have to force yourself not to play like a moron to actually get that unique experience, it kind of ruins the whole thing.

16. BloodRayne (2002, PS2)

I had always been kind of interested in BloodRayne. I was nothing if not an edgelord when this game came out and I thought that her character design was cool. Given my love for shit movies, I had also seen two of the Uwe Boll adaptations (honestly… BloodRayne 2 ain’t bad). I recently decided to try out the games to see how good they were…

This game left me infuriated. The graphics are terrible (at least, they are in the PS2 version that I played). The art design makes the whole game unpleasant to look at. The voice acting is bad. The level design sucks more than our half-vampire heroine does, especially when the game turns into a finnicky platformer. The melee combat is just the worst though. In order to make a melee attack, you have to press L1 to attack. This would be awkward enough, but there’s absolutely no tracking or enemy lock-on and the attack animations lack impact, so you might as well by attacking with a wet noodle for all the damage it’s doing to the enemy. Add this all up, and melee combat feels like you’re flailing around in thin air all over the place. This gets so much worse later in the game when enemies that are immune to your ranged weapons are everywhere, forcing you to engage with this shitty melee system.

It’s wild how far a great character design can get you. This game was shit, but it still got multiple sequels, films, and a Playboy spread, all because the main character looks fucking cool. Actually playing the game though? I forced myself to get through, but the bright spots were few and far between.

15. Shrek 2 (2004, PS2)

My youngest brother was really into Shrek as a kid. Naturally, he was given the Shrek 2 game as a gift, and it was up to my brothers and I to join him for some co-op, isometric beat ’em up… fun? Yeah… surprise, surprise, Shrek 2‘s one of those shitty licensed video games. The beat ’em up gameplay is extremely simple and tired. For a game with a fixed, third person camera, you’d think that they’d be able to keep all the players and enemies on-screen, but somehow this game struggles to even do that consistently. There’s also just too much slow, dull platforming, often tied to specific characters’ abilities (meaning that everyone else just sits around and waits until the other player does their chores).

14. Resident Evil Survivor (2000, PS1)

I hated Resident Evil Survivor when I first played it. Having played much worse Resident Evil games since (spoiler alert), my opinion has softened on it somewhat, mainly due to its ambitious branching pathways and its hilarious voice acting. However, that’s not to say that I’ve forgiven it. Survivor is still a shockingly bad game: terrible graphics, terrible gunplay, idiotic puzzles, and the lack of saves is fundamentally moronic, not to mention that it’s only like two hours long. Survivor is not this underrated, misunderstood hidden gem. It sucks. It has some cool ideas, but it fails to do them any justice. It just sucks.

13. Super Noah’s Ark 3D (1994, SNES)

Yes, this is a real game. It’s literally running on the Doom engine. It also was unlicensed, meaning that video game retailers were not allowed to stock it. It’s also just laughable on its face: you’re playing as Noah, firing sleep-inducing food at animals (mostly goats; suspiciously, there are way more than two goats on this boat). You then do the “classic” Doom thing of hunting around a maze for keys… it sucks. Like, the joke was funny, but actually having to play it for any length of time is just not worth it.

Also, while writing this entry, I found out that Super Noah’s Ark 3D spawned from a failed attempt to make a Hellraiser game!?! It’s a wild story, you legitimately need to check it out.

12. Dead or Alive Paradise (2010, PSP)

I recently covered my problems with Dead or Alive Paradise here on IC2S, but put simply: it’s the most inessential Dead or Alive game of all-time. The DOA Xtreme gameplay is severely lacking in things to do. The hardware is ill-suited to provide the sex appeal this kind of game is supposed to deliver. Worst of all though, the gameplay changes have turned this already content-thin game into a grindy slog that is just not worth the effort it asks of you. If you have to play a DOA Xtreme game, then make it literally any other one.

11. I Am Alive (2012, PS3)

This game was one of my biggest video game disappointments. I remember back when I Am Alive was first being teased, it sounded really unique: a stealth-survival game where you play a normal guy trying to make his way through a destroyed city after some sort of disaster. Having the environment be the primary antagonist rather than combat encounters was really intriguing and I waited eagerly for more info on it… Well, I was waiting a long time, because it took about four years for this game to re-emerge with a release date. I heard from the reviews that it wasn’t very good, but I had waited so long for this game that I had to try it out anyway.

Just by playing I Am Alive, you can feel the developmental struggles it faced. Everything looks and feels janky. The game was also very buggy, straight-up crashing on me on multiple occasions on PS3. It got to the point where I just had to admit it: the reviewers were right, after all the struggles that went on during development, the devs weren’t able to make the game they had wanted to. It’s too bad, I still think that the concept of I Am Alive is great, which makes what we got sting all the more.

10. Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City (2012, PS3)

If playing your new Resident Evil game makes me start saying nice things about Resident Evil 6, then you know that you fucked up. Slant Six Games made multiple SOCOM games, so why is the shooting in this game so bad? Guns either do piddly damage, or they do a normal amount of damage, but run out of ammo extremely fast. Gunplay is also frustratingly inaccurate, and predictably dull. Most frustratingly, enemies are absolute bullet sponges, taking a ridiculous amount of ammo to take down. It takes me three whole clips from the strongest assault rifle to down one hunter, does that not seem excessive? Don’t even get me started on Tyrants or Nemesis, who ran through max ammo at least three times for my weapon before he went down. It is just so badly designed that it is not fun to play in the slightest.

9. The Lord of the Rings: Conquest (2009, PS3)

Oh man, every time I think about my biggest gaming disappointments, I go back to this game. As you saw on my top one hundred games of all-time list, I loved the original Star Wars: Battlefront games. At the time, the only thing I loved more than Star Wars was The Lord of the Rings, so naturally I thought that The Lord of the Rings: Battlefront would be an awesome idea. Lo and behold, a couple years later they announced that this idea was actually going to happen, and that the original developers of Battlefront, Pandemic Studios, were going to be the ones to make it. This was incredible news, as Pandemic were renowned for making good games, so there was pretty much no way this could get screwed up. At this point in time, I was usually reading reviews before buying new games, but this game was such a slam-dunk that I ignored the nagging doubts and paid sixty dollars up-front for it.

So… turns out that I overlooked a key difference between Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings in video games: Star Wars: Battlefront is pretty easy to pull off as a large-scale shooter. Conquest, on the other hand, is mostly melee-based, with archers and mages there to provide some ranged attacks, while being annoying as fuck. Melee combat was not implemented well, making the entire core gameplay a slog. The game was also far buggier and unpolished than Battlefront, making it feel very last-gen. Not even the alternate history campaign, where you play as Sauron clubbing hobbits to death, was interesting enough to warrant a look. This game absolutely broke my faith in the games industry, and I am extremely judicious about buying games after doing some research about them now.

8. Godzilla (1990, GB)

If you buy a Godzilla video game, you have some pretty basic expectations for what that is going to entail: either something like Rampage where you smash a city, or a fighting game where you beat the shit out of other kaiju, like Primal Rage. What you do not expect is a cartoony puzzle game where you climb vines, push a bunch of rocks around a maze so that you can smash all of them against another solid object, while occasionally swatting away other cartoony kaiju that wander too close. Oh, and if you take too long, King Ghidorah shows up and will instantly kill you. This is a baffling game on so many levels, I am not sure what the hell they were thinking. Surely the Godzilla license was just slapped onto some random video game to make it sell more? This was such a weird game, it was one of the first games I had for our Gameboy (which my brothers and I traded some other kid at school for), and I distinctly remember playing it and getting to a point where I had to question what I was doing with my life.

7. Bible Adventures (1991, NES)

Oh look, another Wisdom Tree game! Growing up in an evangelical household which was pretty strict about the sorts of games were were allowed to play, I actually had a copy of this game back in the day. The game plays a lot like Super Mario Bros. 2, acting as a 2D side-scroller where you pickup objects and avoid enemies. The game consists of three parts, the first of which is Noah’s Ark, which tasks you with grabbing animals and bringing them back to the ark. This game is full of frustration due to the shit controls and how easy it is to get damaged, causing all the animals to get scattered and run off, forcing you to chase them back down. It’s mired in frustration, and that’s the best game in the collection. Baby Moses tasks you with babysitting the titular Moses, with controls which are just as bad and gameplay just as frustrating as in Noah’s Ark. While you will accidentally cause Moses to get killed over and over, you can choose to chuck him in the river if you want to, inadvertently making it one of the few games where you can straight-up murder a baby (Grant Theft Auto would never). Then there’s David and Goliath, which just fucking sucks.

6. Revolution X (1994, Arcade)

Revolution X has to be the cringiest game ever made. It’s an arcade light gun shooter, and in that regard it’s pretty bog-standard. What makes the game so bad though is that it takes place in a world where the New World Order has taken over and hate youth culture, so they ban music, movies, and games. The only way to fight back is through the power or rock ‘n roll! And, to make things even more cynical, it features the likenesses and music of Aerosmith. Yeah, this game is basically wearing the corpse of revolution in order to advertise for a rock band which sold-out decades earlier. While the game itself plays… fine, I guess, the entire premise is so lame that it ruins anything it might have been going for. The sort of game you only play for a joke or if there’s literally nothing else available.

5. Dead or Alive Xtreme: Venus Vacation (2017, PC)

Writing the Love/Hate entry for this game literally made me angry. This game represents everything that I hate about the modern gaming industry (games designed to be addictive and predatory rather than fun), but it is so much worse due to how this game has supplanted the mainline Dead or Alive fighting games in Tecmo-Koei’s eyes. Worst of all? The predatory shit works. I hate the game and I have not picked it up since I finished the article, but goddamn if I do not see it in my Steam library and get that compulsion: “Oh, I am missing out on using some of my limited energy points for the day, it will only take a few minutes to use them all…” And, for what? To unlock some more worthless swimsuits in hopes of getting a low drop-rate swimsuit that doesn’t even look good? Nah, fuck this shitty fucking game.

4. The Simpsons Wrestling (2001, PS1)

The Simpsons Wrestling was a game I rented for a laugh back in the day. I was aware of its reputation, but I was a dumb kid and didn’t think it would be that bad. Hoo boy, was I wrong. For one thing, the game is wildly unbalanced, making the main Simpsons family get outshone in their own game by fucking Bumblebee Man of all characters. On top of that, Ned Flanders is apparently considered to be one of the most broken fighting game characters of all-time (although at least in his case I can understand it, stupid, sexy Flanders…). The controls feel like ass; you’re flailing around for the entire fight. The graphics and camera are awful, even by PS1 standards (the fact that this released late in the PS1 lifecycle makes this even more egregious, but it would have no better in 1995). The only nice thing I can say is that at least I didn’t buy the damn game myself, which is more than I can say for most of the games on this list.

3. NPPL Championship Paintball 2009 (2009, PS3)

Around the time I played this game, my brothers and I were really into paintball. We would take part in large-scale mil-sim events with hundreds of people on each side blasting away at each other. One of my brothers was also on a speedball team, so I was also fairly familiar with the more competitive side of the sport. NPPL Championship Paintball 2009 is based around the competitive speedball side of things, but it ultimately just seems kind of pointless. Paintball is cool, because it lets you simulate video game-like combat scenarios in real life (without having to worry about serious injury, death, or police response). However, when you turn this back around and translate paintball into a video game, it just doesn’t make a lot of sense, especially when the translation is incredibly janky, cheap, and broken. Much like Cabela’s Big Game Hunter 6, the enemy AI is only programmed to deal with you playing the “right” way: if you just charge straight down the middle and shoot everyone you come across, you’ll end every match consistently in less than ten seconds, breaking the entire experience. I promise you, if you tried this in real-life paintball, you would be downed immediately, but here the enemy AI is so bad that they do not know how to deal with it. At that point, just play a competitive shooter, you’ll have a way better time.

2. Resident Evil Survivor 2 – CODE: Veronica (2001, PS2)

Resident Evil Survivor 2 left me shocked at how bad it was. I wasn’t expecting much after slogging through its predecessor, but Survivor 2 makes that game look like a masterpiece. It’s the cheapest, laziest game imaginable, made up of 99.9% reused assets. I mentioned this in my Love/Hate entry, but I really need to reiterate that this is a shooter whose maps and assets are literally ripped right from a survival-horror game. They’re completely different genres, so these maps make no sense for a run ‘n gun experience, and the graphics look really bad, because they weren’t supposed to be seen up close. Hell, even the “new” stuff in this game is just assets ripped from the Dreamcast ports of Resident Evil 2 and 3 (and you can tell, because they look worse than the CODE: Veronica assets). Add in that somehow this game is even shorter than its predecessor, and this isn’t even a dumpster fire: it’s just a travesty.

1. Umbrella Corps (2015, PS4)

Umbrella Corps is the worst game I’ve ever played, in part because it should know better. This game came out at the end of Capcom’s half-decade of bed-shitting, with one final shart as they tried, once again, to make Resident Evil into Call of Duty. The game has aspirations of being a highly-competitive, esports shooter, but it just plays like ass. The UI is cluttered to hell, with all sorts of messages and redundant notifications telling you that you can move into cover or do a melee attack, which make it hard to actually see what’s happening on-screen. Of course, this part of the game was dead within a week or two of release, and at this point, Umbrella Corps as it has existed for most of its awful life is an over-glorified series of spec ops missions chores. These missions are tedious, dull, and infuriating – easy to cheese, but if you do, they take forever to complete, so you risk losing just to not have to play this game anymore. I bought this game on sale for six dollars, and I still feel like I got ripped off. I don’t understand how a major publisher releases a game like Umbrella Corps in 2015. We had long figured out shooters by this point, which just makes it so much more egregious than anything else on this list.

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15 Best Movie Posters of 2021

Welcome back to the mostly-annual year-end countdown of the best movie posters of the year! Obviously since we basically got no movies in 2020 I had to take the last year off, but we’re back for 2021 with a very solid selection of eye-catching posters that I had a seriously difficult time narrowing down into just a top 15. As before, I’m using impawards as the source for 2021 posters. Any poster released during the year is eligible, but special consideration is given to posters which are intended for mass distribution rather than posters which are intended to be limited-release, alternative, “artistic” posters. As usual, you can see the full-sized poster in all its glory if you click on the images. Anyway, with those considerations out of the way, let’s get onto the list!

Dishonourable Mention: Cosmic Sin

Okay, the idea of Bruce Willis and Frank Grillo as a couple of space marines sounds fucking awesome, but the cheap, obvious, awful headswap Photoshop job on this poster makes this whole movie seem cheap and laughable. Not that Cosmic Sin needs much help, this movie is apparently so bad and forgettable that no one has even fixed the numerous grammatical errors in its Wikipedia page as of October 21, 2021. Ouch.

15) The French Dispatch

This one mostly makes the list because you take one look at it and go “Oh hey, it’s a Wes Anderson movie in poster form”. It’s quirky, detailed and has tons of stuff to look at, each cell is practically a miniature character poster of its own and the Fibonacci sequence-like layout directs your eyes in an unusual and interesting way. The pulpy, 30s/40s serial art style also helps this standout amongst the other posters of 2021 and no-doubt reflects Anderson’s distinct visual style and aesthetics. All-in-all, a unique and fun poster which undoubtedly reflects the film’s aesthetic as well.

14) Spencer

This poster is very striking. Between the massive, elaborate outfit, the contrast between the dark and the light of the dress and Kristen Stewart’s flawless transformation into Princess Diana, there’s plenty to draw you in. What helps make this more than just a visually-appealing piece is that the design also belies the story’s darker elements, with Diana seemingly stifled, like she’s trapped in the opulence. It’s a true art piece in its own right and I’m curious if Spencer can live up to it.

13) Billie Eilish: The World’s a Little Blurry

I’m not really a fan of pop music (shocker), so unsurprisingly I don’t give a shit about Billie Eilish and could care even less for an Apple TV exclusive documentary about her. However, it’s hard to deny that she doesn’t have her own distinct style, best highlighted in these posters for The World’s a Little Blurry. I like the first one mostly, it has a moody tone to it, Eilish’s signature green hair gives it a strong hue and it (obviously) lives up to the “blurry” part of the title. It reminds me of the Joker poster from 2019 that I liked so much. Like most good posters, the use of colour is very intentional, bringing its own tone, mood, style and even symbology to these posters which I can’t help but appreciate.

12) Prisoners of the Ghostland

While I find this poster very visually-arresting, promising me the trippiest samurai movie you’ve ever seen, there’s one small element that really makes me love this poster. I love how this poster draws your eyeline downward – first you see a samurai badass with his back to you, then the spooky mask, then the title and then “This wildest movie I’ve ever made”. Wow, who’s saying that? Nicholas goddamn Cage and for him that is a freaking declaration. The poster itself is cool but that strategically-placed quote gets my imagination racing, just going to show that every aspect of poster design can be crucial to its success. For that, Prisoners of the Ghostland deserves special commendation!

11) A Classic Horror Story

This one succeeds for a couple reasons. First of all, it’s called A Classic Horror Story and the poster design makes this look like… a classic 70s horror story. Secondly, if I saw that horned devil lady in my doorway, I’d be legitimately unsettled. The fact that it seems to be happening in full daylight just makes the whole thing even more unsettling to me, while the red and black colours give the whole thing a sinister vibe. Like I said, colour is very important in good poster design (a trend which you will likely notice going forward) and the use of it here helps contribute to the horrifying atmosphere that A Classic Horror Story is giving off.

10) Honeydew

There are several horror posters this year that get by with their disturbing and unnerving imagery, including choices that just missed the list such as Malignant and We Need to Do Something. However, this poster for Honeydew is the most unsettling for me. I’m not entirely sure what is happening here, but it sure looks uncomfortable and you can see the fear in this guy’s eyes at whatever’s going on. It conjures images in my mind of some Saw-like trap and all the nastiness associated with that. The sickly, yellow hue over the entire poster just makes it feel even more disconcerting.

9) Old

This one is pretty simple but effective. While other posters for Old get across the idea that it takes place on a beach more, this one is far more interesting. In my opinion, it captures the concept of the inevitable, uncontrollable and even frightening passage of time and death very well, all wrapped up in a minimalist, black and white style that makes it striking to view.

8) The Sleeping Negro

Oh and speaking of minimalist styles, while the poster for Old mostly just looks cool, this poster for The Sleeping Negro uses it to get across some pretty clever racial imagery. This poster deftly gets across the theme of alienation and isolation in this film in a very simple manner that makes it even more effective than if they had gone for something more complicated or less stylized. Hell, they could honestly go even more minimalist if they wanted to, cutting out the title completely, and the message would still be conveyed just as strongly, as even the black character’s afro highlights that he’s singled out because of his race. When you can afford to strip down your poster even more then you know the designers hit on something right.

7) Bulletproof

This is another one of those posters where the imagery captures the ideas of the film in a really striking manner. Bulletproof is about the American response to school shootings and seeing children pointing finger guns at each other here is an eerie encapsulation of the topics this film will be exploring. Once again, the eyeline works perfectly – you see the finger guns, then you’re drawn down to the title and know what this movie is saying in chilling fashion.

6) The Suicide Squad

The Suicide Squad has a huge cast of extremely colourful and varied characters and this first poster captures that aspect of the film and its off-kilter tone in glorious fashion. It also doesn’t give any of the characters more prominence than the others, which makes the characters’ fates in the film even more ambiguous (which is pretty important for a movie where, like, 80% of these characters get annihilated in gory fashion). The second poster captures the feel of a pulpy, 60s-era action movie, which isn’t nearly as interesting but it it’s worth highlighting and contrasting it to the first poster. These are very different styles but they both work to capture the fun of this very enjoyable romp of a film.

5) The Green Knight

I love the use of bright red and gold and the subjects facing away from the camera across The Green Knight‘s posters, it gives them all a unifying, sombre tone. While the main theatrical poster would have made this list regardless due to its strong aesthetic, what really pushed this into the top five for me was the presence of that brilliantly huggable foxy boi. When I first saw that poster I squealed with glee. For the record, graphic designers, throw a fox on your poster and you’re pretty much guaranteed to make my top 15 if your poster is any good.

4) Godzilla vs. Kong

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the Monsterverse consistently have some of the best posters of all Hollywood blockbusters. We get posters like Spiral which are pretty and posters like Bring Your Own Brigade and The River Runner which give you massive scale, but Godzilla vs. Kong gives you pretty colours and massive scale! The fact that they have so many cool posters and so many of these were actually used in the general marketing of the film make this even more impressive to me. Even if Godzilla vs. Kong was kinda disappointing, there’s no denying that the marketing was, once again, on point.

3) Army of the Dead

I didn’t really care for Army of the Dead – I thought it was bloated, poorly written and squandered what should have been an over-the-top action romp. While the film itself fell short, the marketing department for Army of the Dead clearly understood what this movie should have been. We get gorgeous poster after gorgeous poster of colourful, macabre excess, all of which make the film look way cooler than it actually is. This is just a handful of the great posters Army of the Dead got this year, so even if the quality wasn’t there (which it is) then due to pure variety this would have ranked highly. For my own part, I especially like the neon-hued skull in a river of paint and the pile of corpses in the shape of a skull. Man, seeing these posters is making me think about how I wish the movie lived up to them all over again…

2) The Night House

We’ve had a slew of spooky and disturbing horror movie posters in 2021, but for my money The Night House has the best of them. What makes it more impressive is that there isn’t much horror imagery to speak of – there’s a blood-red moon, a scared expression from Rebecca Hall and, in one poster, a ghostly hand cutout, representing a spectral figure or perhaps someone who’s been lost? Then there’s the strong use of red and black to give everything an eerie atmosphere. In any case, it works, I really want to see this movie and figure out what sort of thrills The Night House has in store for me, which makes it more than worthy of this spot. However, there can only be one #1 pick…

1) Jackass Forever

There’s something about this poster where I looked at it and said “this is perfect” and instantly put it as a frontrunner for the year’s posters. Like, just look at it, it’s the perfect encapsulation of what Jackass is. You’ve got the rainbow hang glider and obese man to draw your attention and then the eyeline goes down to the cactus plants and then down to the film’s title. Just by looking at it, it creates a story in your head that is equal parts funny, painful and so incredibly stupid that I can’t help but applaud it. It’s so simple, but so striking that I still can’t quite believe that it’s this good, especially because the other Jackass Forever posters don’t hit me the same way at all. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise though, this right here: this is art.

POST-SCRIPT: Well, shit. I usually have a rule here – only posters for movies released in the year in question are considered and here I have completely flubbed as Jackass Forever is going to be released in 2022 instead. To be fair, when I started this list it actually would have been a 2021 film, but it was delayed and I missed that in the time it took to make selections, write and release the list. This isn’t the first time I’ve had this issue due to unexpected delays, but it should probably go without saying that I’ll not take Jackass Forever into account for 2022’s list (because it would probably win again).

Let Them Fight – The Human Characters in the Monsterverse

Godzilla vs. Kong was easily the most excited I have been for a movie since… well, since right before Covid-19 hit and delayed A Quiet Place: Part II indefinitely. Most of the Monsterverse films are little more than disposable fun (except for the 2014 Godzilla, which is a straight-up great blockbuster as far as I’m concerned), but I got hyped regardless and found myself entertained as I watched the big gorilla and the big lizard punch each other on-screen. To the surprise of no one, Godzilla vs. Kong‘s human characters feel superfluous, which led to the common refrain of “well it’s a kaiju movie, of course the human characters suck!” This feels like a total cop-out though, because not only are there several good human characters in the long history of the Godzilla and Kong franchises, but we had a solid human cast in Godzilla 2014. Think about it – we don’t get any giant monsters until about forty minutes in and Godzilla himself doesn’t show up until nearly an hour has passed. The humans have to hold up the entirety of that first hour and the film doesn’t suffer because of it – can you imagine that with one of the more recent Monsterverse movies? So what happened? How did we get from the grounded human drama of Godzilla 2014 to the melodrama and camp of the latter-Monsterverse? Let’s examine each of these movies in turn and see how the human characters were handled there.

Oh, and in case it wasn’t obvious?

Alright, with that said, let’s get into this…

Godzilla (2014)

At the time of its release, one of the big controversies with Godzilla 2014 (which I’m just going to refer to as “Godzilla” from here on for simplicity’s sake) was that Bryan Cranston’s Joe Brody shouldn’t have been killed off and that they should have killed the film’s actual main character, Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s Ford Brody, instead. The reasoning for this is because Joe was a far more compelling character than Ford, which is hard to deny – he’s a broken man driven to self-destructive obsession to try to understand the unexplained nuclear reactor meltdown which killed his wife a decade and a half ago. There’s some good family drama early on where he and Ford reluctantly reconnect and try to uncover what caused the reactor disaster. Cranston puts his everything into this role, and the writing is interesting enough to carry the film on its own long before any kaiju appears on-screen. However, as soon as the first MUTO emerges and Joe dies, Ford takes over and is characterized as a dull, lawful good soldier. I can see how this would be a big come-down from Joe’s more compelling characterization, but I feel like this was an underrated narrative decision which ultimately made Godzilla a stronger film overall.

The best and most distinctive part of Godzilla is that it frames the kaiju action at a human level. The monsters are enormous, rarely able to fit into the frame and they are so gargantuan and unstoppable that the lives and cares of humans are unworthy of their attention. Some of the most memorable scenes in this film are just random humans trying to survive the destruction going on around them, with the audience’s full understanding that it is all unintentional collateral damage. For example, the tsunami in Hawaii or Godzilla going through the Golden Gate Bridge aren’t particularly crucial moments in the plot, but they get so much focus because they show the scale of the devastation that these monsters can unintentionally cause from a human perspective. In this kind of narrative, you need someone on the ground level who would have to be in the vicinity of the monsters in order to progress the story and Ford works perfectly in this regard. Think about it – what would Joe have done to improve the plot if he didn’t die? He’s not a soldier; at most he would be working with Monarch to try to stop the MUTOs. In order to keep Joe in this film, we would either require more dull expository scenes with Monarch (which would hurt this film’s pacing), or he’d have to be awkwardly shunted to the background of the film in order to preserve the narrative direction. Ultimately, killing him off was the most efficient solution – unfortunate, but necessary to preserve the pacing of the narrative.

On the other side of the narrative, we have Ken Watanabe as Dr. Serizawa. He isn’t really a main character per se, instead acting as more of a mouthpiece to deliver exposition and, perhaps unintentionally, deliver memes straight to the audience. He’s in the movie just enough to let us know what’s going on and who we should be rooting for, but he doesn’t make a huge impression. He’s functional and unobtrusive.

That said, Godzilla‘s biggest sin would be how badly it wastes Elizabeth Olsen’s Elle Brody. Like… seriously? You got Elizabeth Olsen (who had just received critical acclaim for Martha Marcy May Marlene and was poised for superstardom in the MCU) and then trapped her in a forgettable role as Ford’s wife. She barely even appears in the movie, but there’s no good reason for this to be the case. She’s a freaking nurse caught in the big showdown in San Francisco, you’re telling me you can’t find something for her to do? Especially in the early hours of the attack in San Francisco, before Ford is even on-site, she should be treating victims, avoiding falling buildings, etc.

Godzilla‘s human characters aren’t the most compelling out there, but you can see that they’re interesting enough to carry a good chunk of the film by themselves and provide a strong narrative grounding which only serves to make the overall film stronger. The monsters are still the main draw, but the humans don’t feel like they’re actively robbing us of anything interesting. It strikes by far the best balance in the entire Monsterverse and looking back it really is shocking how bad the human characters have become in comparison.

Kong: Skull Island

Kong: Skull Island starts out promisingly enough, introducing us to a large and colourful cast of human characters. They’re all clear archetypes (Tom Hiddleston’s your action hero, Brie Larson’s your tough leading lady, Samuel L. Jackson’s your Vietnam squad leader, John Goodman’s your shady, desperate scientist), but they’re interesting enough to give us people to care about and get the plot moving forward. The problem with Skull Island is that these characters don’t really go anywhere beyond these basic archetypes. Once the characters end up on Skull Island, they have little to no development to speak of, with the only real exception being that Samuel L. Jackson’s Preston Packard goes kill-crazy (which is particularly notable because it is implied to be due to PTSD from the Vietnam War which leads to this breakdown, providing some well-trodden political commentary on the film’s 70s backdrop). The lack of development is particularly disappointing with Tom Hiddleston’s Conrad and Brie Larson’s Weaver – you’d think they’d at least give their leading duo something to do other than just look cool, but nope.

Luckily, Kong manages to get away with having such a disposable human cast by treating them as, well, disposable. The cast gets quickly whittled down one-by-one in fun ways at a quick pace. Like Godzilla, Kong: Skull Island wastes several of its talented actors, but I’m less annoyed about it here because Kong seems to understand the how high-profile its cast is and revels in killing them off unexpectedly. If anyone feels truly wasted it would be John Goodman, but he gets a funny and memorable death which helps make up for it. That’s not even mentioning Shea Whigham who, as a recent viral tweet stated, has one of the funniest death scenes ever. It almost feels like a disrespectful way to off one of the most colourful characters in the film, but it’s so funny that it is hard to hold it against the movie.

Kong also has one ace up its sleeve in the human character department and that’s John C. Reilly’s Hank Marlowe. He gets by far the most interesting characterization as a World War II fighter pilot who gets stranded on the island with a Japanese soldier and is instantly endearing to us with his fun personality, capability and desperation to get home to his wife and son who has hasn’t seen in almost thirty years. Seeing him reuniting with his family at the end is surprisingly poignant for a film that is almost entirely breakneck-paced action up to that point.

Kong: Skull Island represents the best and worst of human characters in a kaiju film. On the one hand, the cast is undeveloped and exist mainly to be killed off in fun ways, but on the other hand they’re just interesting enough to carry the plot forward, shuffle us along to a lot of entertaining action sequences and don’t feel like they’re detracting us from the good stuff (Kong kicking ass). While developing a couple more cast members would make the narrative resonate more, this is around the baseline of what you could consider “acceptable” for a broad-appeal adventure movie.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

The number one complaint about Godzilla was that the title monster didn’t show up nearly enough. King of the Monsters came along to try to right that, but the end result leaves me so mixed. On the one hand, this is a fundamentally flawed film, but it might be my favourite entry in the Monsterverse and is the best 5/10 movie I’ve ever seen by far. At the very center of King of the Monsters‘ flaws are those human characters, which are probably the worst in the franchise in some ways.

King of the Monsters has more of an epic, globe-trotting scale compared to Godzilla‘s grounded and human-level scope. This necessitates a larger cast of soldiers and scientists who are constantly giving exposition dumps to explain what big disaster is going on at any one time, which they make sure to constantly update us on. As if this wasn’t enough by itself, we also have family melodrama between Kyle Chandler, Vera Farmiga and Millie Bobbie Brown (I could not tell you their actual characters’ names for the life of me), who are caught up in a bio-terrorist plot to unleash monsters across the world. This family drama has the potential to be compelling – their son was killed in the attack on San Francisco and it has caused them to grow estranged from each other. Kyle Chandler blames Godzilla for his son’s death and wants to destroy all the monsters, whereas Vera Farmiga uses their loss as motivation to try to save the world. Unfortunately, the film doesn’t explore their relationship any further than that. There’s just no time for human drama with all the action going on and it ends up serving as a way to have a fractured family caught on opposite sides of the conflict.

Serizawa also returns to lead the scientists and he’s about as functional here as he was there. His heroic sacrifice resonates because we’re familiar with the character and he seems like a good person who wants to do the right thing, although he still isn’t very well-developed. As for the rest of the characters, they are a bunch of nobodies. Like, don’t get me wrong, there’s a bunch of people we see a whole lot on the Argo: the lady commander/pilot, the smart alec, O’Shea Jackson Jr.’s soldier character, and probably a couple other nobodies that I’m forgetting because they were all so pointless. Oh and Sally Hawkins reprises her role from the first movie as well, but she was so forgettable there that I didn’t even realize she wasn’t in this as a stunt-casting due to her role in The Shape of Water. Oh, and she gets unceremoniously stepped on early in the film, making her character’s entire existence feel even more hollow.

Unlike Kong: Skull Island, King of the Monsters sticks to Godzilla‘s more serious tone, making these characters all just so dull to watch and entirely forgettable. For example, there’s the scene where Rodan flies over a Mexican town, destroying it from the hurricane-force winds created by his passing. Conceptually, it’s similar to the scene in Godzilla where Godzilla comes ashore in Hawaii and unintentionally creates a tidal wave which wipes out the entire downtown sector, but far less exciting because the film doesn’t bother to make us care about anyone on the ground. Like, they throw O’Shea Jackson and a kid into the scene, but at this point I don’t even know a thing about this soldier and this kid literally just showed up out of nowhere. Not only that, but we don’t even get a proper resolution. One second we see O’Shea Jackson desperately holding onto this kid and then like five minutes later we find out that they’re all fine, not that any of us were wondering anyway. To make matters worse, King of the Monsters does a fantastic job of giving all the monsters distinct personalities. Hell, King Ghidorah’s individual heads have more interesting characterization than anyone in this movie! Worst of all? The human characters actively take up time which should be dedicated to the monsters fighting, especially in the second half of the film. The two most egregious examples are when Rodan and King Ghidorah are fighting and suddenly the film cuts away to dumb drama aboard the Argo and when we get just one shot of Ghidorah wrecking downtown Washington D.C. That’s the kind of moment where some ground-level scenes of destruction could go a long way, but King of the Monsters‘ scope is planted so firmly on its epic, globe-spanning scale that it can’t even take the time to linger on this before zipping the plot ahead to the next big event. Again, I like King of the Monsters and in some ways I think it’s the ideal Hollywood blockbuster interpretation of a kaiju movie, but the human characters are by far its greatest weakness, to the point of being actively detrimental to the whole experience.

Godzilla vs. Kong

I was nervous going into Godzilla vs. Kong, but after seeing the first trailer I was reassured that they had learned one lesson – even if the human characters inevitably sucked, they had pulled off a masterstroke by making Kong the film’s true leading character and emotional core. That said, some studio head out there decided that there still have to be human characters in this movie, and these are a tale of two halves…

For the Kong half of the film, we get Alexander Skarsgård as Nathan Lind, Rebecca Hall as Ilene Andrews and Kaylee Hottle as Jia. They’re all functional at best and serve little more purpose than to drive the plot forward (Lind has researched the hollow earth, and they need Kong to guide them there) or provide a connection to Kong (Andrews is the top researcher on Kong and Jia has bonded with Kong to the point of being able to communicate with him). This half of the film also features Eiza González in an obviously-villainous corporate underling role as she funds their expedition to the hollow earth, but she similarly has little in the way of development or interesting motivation, you just sit there waiting for her sudden but inevitable betrayal. Like most people in the Monsterverse, the humans in this half of the film are purely functional – not actively detrimental or disruptive, but about as uninteresting as you’d expect from a film like this… so better than King of the Monsters, at least.

Speaking of which, that brings us to the Godzilla half of the film, which is centered around Millie Bobby Brown’s returning character, Madison, along with her friend and a bumbling conspiracy theorist who unearth a sinister conspiracy afoot at Apex Cybernetics… and good God, this is by far the worst set of characters we’ve gotten in the entire Monsterverse. Godzilla vs. Kong makes the interesting decision of dialing back on the po-faced seriousness of Godzilla and King of the Monsters and instead goes for a campier tone. This is an sensible idea for a monster movie, since they are intended to be a breezy fun time, but the camp is cranked to the max whenever this trio is on-screen to the point of being grating. It’s to the point of being cartoonish, as these three clowns bumble their way into Apex Cybernetics, somehow avoiding detection the entire way, until they come face-to-face with the moustache-twirling corporate villain. This half of the film also suffers from two egregious sins (actually let’s make that three – Jessica Henwick was cast but cut from the final film, what the fuck movie!?). The first is that poor Kyle Chandler is completely wasted, relegated to little more than a cameo role. A familiar face would have done wonders and I struggle to see how you couldn’t have worked him into the plot in a more substantial manner. The second sin is that the bad guy’s main henchman is freaking Ren Serizawa, the son of Ken Watanabe’s Dr. Serizawa, and the film doesn’t play this fact up at all. Hell, he even dies unceremoniously, making the entire existence of this character pointless. Like, at that point why not just make him a nameless goon? Or just fold his role into that of the main bad guy? I don’t understand this decision and all I can think is that there was significant chunks of story cut out in the final film which may have expanded on his role.

So Godzilla vs. Kong has one set of characters who are functional at best and another set that I actively wish would die. This might have been a crippling flaw for the film but, like I said at the outset, Godzilla vs. Kong downplays this issue by making Kong the true main character. This provides what should be a blueprint for future Monsterverse films where they won’t feel like they have to saddle us with boring or annoying humans and instead focus on the monsters directly. That said, I would like to see a return to what made the first Godzilla film so successful, where the action is shown from ground level with humans scrambling just to survive. King of the Monsters already put the stakes about as high as they can realistically get, so I feel like trying to maintain that kind of scope just isn’t sustainable and instead the right course of action is to lean into the human stakes instead. I really enjoy the Monsterverse and it would be great to see this franchise continue and improve as time goes on

15 Best Movie Posters of 2019

Welcome back to the annual, year-end countdown of the best movie posters of the year! And just like that, this is now officially an annual thing! I’ve been browsing impawards throughout the year, keeping an eye out for eye-catching, interesting posters and saving them for later. Suffice to say, I had a bunch of posters to sift through and narrowing this down to a top 15 was difficult (not least of all because new posters are released all the time so I couldn’t even begin to narrow the list down until the start of September). Also, starting this year I’m going to be giving extra consideration towards posters which are actually intended for mass distribution rather than posters which are intended to be artistic but very limited in their reach. I mean, this Dark Phoenix poster is really cool, but it’s also clearly a poster you’re never going to see if you go to a theatre. I’m still going to consider these kinds of posters if they’re really good, but I find it more impressive when a poster which is meant to sell general audiences on the film does something particularly artistic or interesting.

Anyway, with those considerations out of the way, let’s get onto the list! As usual, you can see the full-sized poster in all its glory if you click on the images.

Honourable Mentions

While Disney absolutely destroyed the competition at the box office this year, their posters were, by and large, very mediocre and lifeless. This poster for Frozen II was one of the few exceptions, with its interesting use of colour and reflections hinting at the plot and feel of the film. It ultimately just missed the list, but it was definitely worth mentioning.

This is another entry which could have easily made the list if the competition wasn’t quite so fierce. It’s got such a creepy design already and then as your eye gets drawn upwards you realize that the trees have been arranged in such a way that they spell “FEED”. I like this poster a lot, it looks way better than a gritty, Grimms fairy tale adaptation should.

Having seen Us, I like this poster quite a bit with its minimalist design resembling a Rorschach blot, but with the right side missing bits which hint at the film’s psycho doppelganger premise. It gets across the idea of the film very well, but I feel like it’s just a bit too subtle to really be appreciated unless you’ve actually seen the film first.

15) The Death of Dick Long

This is one of those posters where I have no idea what the film is actually supposed to be about, but it kind of makes me want to see the movie regardless. As I’ve said in previous best posters of the year countdowns, that’s ultimately the goal of a movie poster, so it’s worth some points in my book. On top of that, this poster is just eye-catching with its use of harsh, contrasting lighting and muted colours… and then you notice that the fireworks are coming from the guy’s freaking crotch. And then you notice the title is called The Death of Dick Long, and that it’s from one of the directors of Swiss Army Man. Yeah, it’s going to be weird as all hell, but intriguingly so. That said, I could have very easily skipped over this one if the poster wasn’t so eye-catching so I’d say that this is well-deserving of a spot in the Top 15.

14) Low Tide

Every best movie posters countdown needs a poster which is just a beautiful, “artistic” shot and Low Tide takes that spot for me this year. It really isn’t much more than an extremely well-composed photo and a cleverly integrated title using a reversed gradient, but that’s all it really needs to be. Low Tide‘s poster is so beautiful it makes your eyes water, suggesting that you’re in for a gorgeous treat if you watch it. In addition, its use of colour and gradients also implies a dangerous tone for the movie without really having to overtly spell it out. A great poster all-round, and that fact that it is only in at #14 just shows how impressive posters have been in 2019.

13) Hail Satan?

This poster is just so clever. It’s appropriately interesting, informative and inflammatory in equal measure. Most Americans (especially evangelicals) are uninformed about the Satanic temple and have a knee-jerk opposition to them, but that is exactly how they get awareness to their admittedly worthy causes. Usually, if you hear about Satanists in the news, it’s because they’re fighting for religious equality – after all, if an evangelical is okay to do something, a Satanist should be able to do an equivalent action, right? That idea gets across perfectly in this poster, with the image of the Statue of Liberty as Baphomet as a striking visual that is guaranteed to trigger evangelicals. Oh and it also has one of the best taglines of the year, which just manages to put this over Low Tide as far as I’m concerned. I love it.

12) Bliss

This is definitely the poster I’ve mulled over the most on this list. At first glance, the colour choices make it very ugly to look at and unappealing. However, the longer you look at it, the more intriguing it is. For one thing, the ugliness is clearly intentional and is meant to be at odds with the title, Bliss, which is usually associated with bright, cheerful colours. If you look closer you can pick out all sorts of unsettling details – screaming, disembodied mouths, blood dripping off the woman’s face, and piles of reaching, naked bodies scrambling over each other. The longer you look at it, the more unsettling things you begin to notice and the more intriguing Bliss becomes to me. Also, it’s worth mentioning that the hand-painted art help make this stand out a bit more compared to all the photoshopped posters of its contemporaries. All-in-all, when I was narrowing down this list to just a top 15, I had considered dropping Bliss on a number of occasions because of its surface-level ugliness, but I’m now confident that it really deserves a spot here due to its bold and evocative design.

11) The Ghost Who Walks

Again we have another poster which is, by itself, super intriguing. We’ve got what appears to be a very zoomed out, birds-eye shot of Santa Claus in an alleyway being escorted or robbed by a pair of men – whatever the scenario is, they don’t seem to be doing him a favour anyway. The story the poster tells is enough to make you go “WTF?”, but what really puts it over the top is the very clever composition and framing of the image and the way that the title has been integrated into the shot. It doesn’t really give you any information about the film’s story beyond a tone, but it’s fascinating enough that I can see it selling someone on the film by itself.

10) Pet Sematary

There’s no movie in 2019 that I wanted to love more than Pet Samatary, but good God the film was so mediocre that I can’t even be charitable to it. Oh well, at least we have this awesome poster that’s forever going to get my imagination going for a movie better than what we got. I love the way colour has been mostly drained from the poster. The use of black and white tones makes for great contrast and allow the bits of gold in Church’s eyes and the red in the title to stand out all the more. It’s all put together in such a creepy manner, from the great, shadowy shots of the main cast (especially the look of dread on Amy Seimetz’s face and the nearly skeletal-looking Jason Clarke), to the scary, masked children, to Church’s glower hanging over everyone. It uses the Drew Struzan style in an interesting way, is just striking and original in its own right, and ultimately does a better job of selling the film’s premise than the actual movie did. Sigh, sometimes print is better.

9) Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood

Tarantino’s latest kind of had to make this list. Sure, it’s not exactly the flashiest poster of the year, but it captures the aesthetic of 1960s film posters perfectly. The hand-drawn style, the vignettes of moments from the film, the way that the cast is shown off, even down to the way that the credits are listed – it’s perfect. Considering that that’s clearly the intent here, it would feel wrong for me not to recognize it on this list.

8) Child’s Play

Speaking of posters that, on their own, aren’t all that flashy… holy crap, Childs Play just goes bonkers. If you’re not aware, the Child’s Play remake/reboot went head-to-head with freaking Toy Story 4, and the marketing department were eager to make the most of this with this bonkers poster that takes the aesthetic from Toy Story 4‘s own marketing and uses it to make a freaking statement. There were a few posters in this Chucky murders Toy Story series, but the one with Woody’s arm and hat was the most striking, in my opinion. It reminds me of those posters for You’re Next a few years ago which had a killer hiding in the “reflection”. I just love how cheeky, bold and clever this poster design is and can only imagine how hard Bob Iger must have shit himself when he saw it for the first time.

7) Joker

Hoo boy, if there’s one movie we didn’t need in 2019, it’s probably a sympathetic, mass killer origin story for Joker for all the incels to admire… That said, this poster does a great job of conveying the idea without making him into someone we’re meant to feel sorry for. There’s such a creepy vibe here with the idea of a psychotic person who can’t smile without physically forcing himself. The awfulness of this is further reinforced by the paint-drop tear, the sickly colour palette and the disturbing extreme close-up which shows off all the strained emotion on Joker’s face. It’s a very well-composed image that gets across the idea of the film perfectly… arguably better than the actual film does, in some ways.

6) The Unborn

What. The. FUCK. IS THAT!?!?!! Okay, I’m sold on this movie already – I don’t know what the hell it’s about, but this poster is straight-up disturbing shit. It has such a disgustingly creepy vibe to it with little more than a shadowy mutant baby in a jar backlit by what looks like a hundred year old light bulb. It’s horrifying and, while I’m certain the movie can’t hope to live up to the sick shit running through my head when I look at this poster, it makes me want to find out what the hell this movie is all about. Sign me the hell up.

5) Detective Pikachu

Okay, obviously I’m a Pokemaniac, so I’m kind of biased on this one. That said, this is a dense poster packed with all sorts of subtle Easter eggs and plot hints that are enough to make a Pokemaniac like me jizz their pants. Seriously, whoever designed this poster clearly loves Pokemon and packed nearly every inch of it with obscure references to the games’ universe. Even if you don’t get the nerdy references, the Easter eggs still do the job of making the world of Ryme City appear lived-in and bustling, inviting you to pour over all the details that have been hidden in it. As a result, I’ve probably sunk more time into this one poster than I have on all the other posters on this list, combined. That by itself is an accomplishment worthy of some appreciation, which is why Detective Pikachu ranks so high on this list.

4) Aladdin

Perhaps mirroring their creative bankruptcy for most of the year, Disney’s poster output in 2019 has been unfortunately mediocre. Even Endgame didn’t have any particularly interesting posters, so imagine my surprise when I finally found a visually arresting poster for a Disney movie: the live-action AladdinAladdin was a mostly-mediocre and over-stuffed film, but it did have its charms thanks largely to the performances from the three main leads, especially Will Smith. Thankfully, they’re all on display in this gorgeous poster which uses the white background and expert use of a red and blue to draw your eye and tell a particular story. Your eye is naturally going to be drawn to Will Smith’s genie first, then down to Jafar and Jasmine, then down to Aladdin, then down to Abu jumping into the lamp before you reach the title. It’s such a cool and clearly-intentional trick, using the space of the poster itself to great effect to direct the viewer in an unnatural upper-right to lower-left line. That’s impressive on its own, but the fact that the poster itself is just gorgeous-looking easily cemented this as one of my absolute favourite posters of 2019.

3) Glass

Glass was, in a lot of ways, a colossal disappointment which threw the nascent Shyamalan resurgence back into disarray. There are a number of reasons for this, but probably the most pertinent is that Glass represents so much wasted potential. We can see some of that potential here in this poster, which captures the essence of a climactic superhero story in such a beautiful way. Each broken piece of glass shows off characters painted in a comic-book art style, interspersed with actual comic art created for the films itself. It’s enthralling to look at, packed with strong emotions for each of the characters and can’t help but feel evocative to for anyone who appreciates comic book storytelling.

Also worth mentioning is this other poster which creates a portrait of Mr. Glass out of literal shards of broken glass. It’s not nearly as striking as the above poster of course, but it is quite interesting in its own right, especially for a “character poster”, which usually just comes across as a boring, requisite marketing piece.

2) John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum

There were ultimately only two films on this list which were duking it out for the top spot, and I have to say that John Wick: Chapter 3 only just barely lost out on it. I mean, just look at this poster, it is exquisite! I would hang this on my wall in a heartbeat. The neon-soaked colour palette is simultaneously arresting to look at and a perfect representation of the aesthetic of John Wick, while the harsh metals and skull imagery convey the feel of the series. There really isn’t much more to it than that – it’s just a poster so cool that it just plows its way to the runner-up position of this year’s posters.

Oh, also worth mentioning is the poster on the right, featuring John Wick versus hundreds of assassins. This gets across the tone and sort of odds that ol’ John is in for in the film in such a striking and frankly funny fashion. It isn’t quite as visually-arresting as the above poster, but it is definitely worth mentioning in its own right.

Which brings us to our #1 spot for 2019…

1) Godzilla: King of the Monsters

 If there’s one film whose marketing department absolutely killed it this year, it’s definitely Godzilla: King of the Monsters‘. To put it simply, every single poster for this film is simultaneously visually beautiful and totally kick-ass (as if this were an action movie starring Emily Blunt and Charlize Theron). Unlike a lot of blockbusters, even the regular theatrical posters have a level of creative artistic merit to them which is usually reserved for more specialized posters (presumably for fear of alienating the mass audience with a poster that’s not aimed at the lowest common demoninator). When you consider that the beautiful shots in these posters are also just being indicative of the cinematography of the film itself, it just makes the marketing for this film even more impressive. Godzilla: King of the Monsters may have been a bit bloated and underwhelming on its own merits, but holy crap if the film’s marketing department didn’t go all-out this year. Here’s hoping that next year’s Godzilla vs. Kong continues this trend, because if it does then we are in for an absolute treat.

The “Other” Cinematic Universes

When it comes to cinematic universes, we all know the story: Marvel’s only getting better as they go, DC has struggled to get any sort of consistent quality going, etc. However, with as much attention as these franchises get, it’s easy to forget that they’re not the only ones making their mark on the cinematic universe trend. There are actually quite a few current cinematic universes out there now, some several films deep, that have continued to grow without the attention and scrutiny that Marvel and DC seem to inspire. There are also many more on the way (keep an eye out for Hasbro, they seem to be pushing the hardest), but even after 10 years of Marvel dominance, most have failed to actually get underway. With that in mind, let’s look at the less-appreciated landscape of cinematic universes.

Note: I’m only going to be looking at franchises which are still ongoing. To determine if it constitutes a cinematic universe, I’m only looking at major releases (for all I know, The Asylum has a Mega Shark cinematic universe, but I’m sure as hell not going to go digging for turds like that). I’m also looking for franchises which aren’t just following a normal, linear progression from film to film. Spin-offs don’t necessarily constitute a cinematic universe either, although if there are multiple spin-off films in a franchise then it could apply. Oh, and goofy cameos and tongue-in-cheek jokes don’t count either (so no, Transformers and Friday the 13th aren’t in the same universe). Ultimately, it’s all down to my discretion. Got it? Great, let’s buckle in.

Honourable Mentions:

Star Wars (image source): Again, this is down to my discretion, but I don’t feel like Star Wars is quite at “cinematic universe” level yet, at least in the way that that label gets applied anyway. For the most part, Star Wars in the cinematic landscape consists of films which follow on from one another (whether as prequels or sequels). Even the spin-offs we’ve had in Rogue One and Solo were just prequels to the events of the main stories and given less prominence, so I’m struggling to really count these on the same level as, say, your average Marvel or DC solo film in their respective universes. Now, with the groundwork laid by The Last Jedi and Disney’s desire to milk this franchise forever (…those are mutually exclusive ideas, I swear), we might actually be getting to a point in the next couple of years when Star Wars is an interconnected universe of various divergent characters and storylines, but until then I have a hard time viewing it as more than a very epic saga.

Alien vs Predator (…vs Blade Runner???) – I’m only not counting this one because there has been basically no official word on whether these franchises still are, or ever were, truly linked in the first place. Basically every Alien and Predator film since has ignored the continuity established by the AVP movies, although they have never completely separated. To make matters even more confusing, the Alien prequels went and made it official that Blade Runner takes place in this universe as well. Considering that all of these separate franchises take place nearly 100 years apart from one another, it makes the continuity pliable, but it would be awesome if we could give AVP another shot at greatness.

The Tarantinoverse(s) – Yes, these films all technically take place in the same universe (click the image on the side to see the entire, complicated breakdown as to how), whether as actual events (Inglourious Basterds, Pulp Fiction, Django Unchained, etc) or as films within that universe (Kill Bill, From Dusk Till Dawn, Death Proof, etc). There are also a number of characters who are related (most notably, Vic Vega aka Mr. Blonde in Reservoir Dogs and Vincent Vega in Pulp Fiction). Here’s the thing though: none of these connections really matter. I mean, is Vincent affected in Pulp Fiction by Vic’s death? No, it’s just an easter egg for fans, and that’s what everything in the Tarantinoverse is – there’s no actual crossover or overarching plot (especially when you can just say “eh, it’s a movie in that universe!”), so I’m not counting it. Like I said, my discretion.

And so, let’s move onto the actual cinematic universes, shall we?

5) The Dark Universe – Is there any surprise that this is the worst of the current crop of cinematic universes? I mean, let’s look at the situation: Universal had the first successful cinematic universe back when they were releasing their classic monster films. For almost 20 years now they have been trying to recapture that success with failure after failure. The Mummy laid a decent groundwork for this, but then Van Helsing failed and scuppered that idea. Then they tried once again to set up this universe with The Wolfman, but it was a commercial and critical failure (although I love it personally and feel like its reception will improve over time).

After so many false starts, suddenly Marvel’s cinematic universe model began getting successful and Universal decided that they wanted a piece of that pie. As a result, Dracula: Untold was produced with the explicit intention of aping Marvel’s formula to finally get the Universal monsters on screen again. The resulting film was just plain dull – the source material didn’t fit a PG-13 summer action tentpole treatment and the resulting universe it was selling (PG-13 grimdark anti-heroes facing some nebulous ancient evil) was unappealing, so once again Universal was left in a lurch with a stillborn franchise.

With yet another failure under their belts, Universal almost immediately jettisoned Dracula: Untold from memory and then got to work on what was arguably the most seriously committed effort to reboot their monsters properties: The Dark Universe. Universal clearly went all-in this time, snatching up some major star power with Russell Crowe as Dr. Jeckell and Mr. Hyde, Javier Bardem as Frankenstien’s Monster, Johnny Depp as The Invisible Man and Tom Cruise as (ultimately) this universe’s version of The Mummy. Since The Mummy was the only reboot Universal had any success with, perhaps it is natural that they’d try to launch their universe with it, along with the consistent quality that comes along with Tom Cruise. Unfortunately, despite the huge marketing push and the big talk about how this was going to be Universal’s big shared universe, The Mummy proved to be a rare Tom Cruise misfire which single-handedly put the future of the entire franchise into question. Things have been quiet on The Dark Universe front, with many assuming it is dead since its two main producers have departed the project, but there have been some occasional rumblings to suggest we haven’t seen the last of it.

I feel like the issues with The Dark Universe were twofold. First of all, I don’t think that aping Marvel’s formula and attempting to reboot the Universal monsters as quasi-superheroes is ever going to work, nor is attempting to shoehorn all of these movies into the PG-13 summer action blockbuster template a good idea. I understand that a smaller, more traditional horror series would not make as much money if The Dark Universe had met its ambitions, but at least it would not be competing with the juggernauts, would be carving its own niche in the cinematic landscape and would be a considerably safer investment. Dracula: Untold had already failed in part because of this. It doesn’t matter how much money and star-power you throw at a project, if the concept is rotten at its core, then it is going to have a very hard time gaining traction.

Secondly, I feel like The Dark Universe was hamstrung from the start by its two main producers, Alex Kurtzman (also director of The Mummy) and Chris Morgan. Both are blockbuster scriptwriters and producers, with Kurtzman being known for the modern Star Trek films, the first two Transformers, Cowboys & Aliens and the Now You See Me franchise, and Chris Morgan being known for the Fast & Furious franchise, Wanted and 47 Ronin. They’re both involved in big, successful action franchises, but none of those franchises are really known for their great scripts. To make matters even worse, Guillermo del Toro was originally asked to helm The Dark Universe, which could have been incredible if Universal would allow him to lean into these characters’ horror origins. There is some hope for The Dark Universe still: it’s being rumoured that renowned horror-producer Jason Blum is being given the reins of the franchise. However, as it stands currently, The Dark Universe is little more than a cautionary tale in franchise building.

4) The Monsterverse – This is the universe that inspired this list, because while Legendary hasn’t been subtle about the fact that they want to bring Godzilla and King Kong together once again, they haven’t been hammering audiences with their world-building (unlike, say, The Mummy or Batman vs Superman). In fact, you could easily be forgiven for not realizing that Kong: Skull Island was a part of the same universe as Godzilla, outside of the subtle references to Monarch and the post-credits scene. I feel like this will probably be emphasized more by the end of the upcoming Godzilla: King of the Monsters, but at least it’s refreshing that Legendary isn’t counting their chickens before they’ve hatched.

Perhaps the most interesting thing about the Monsterverse is that, like the Universal monsters, it’s building on a foundation that originated the shared universe concept in film in the first place. The Toho Godzilla films had their own colourful cast of monsters that would feature in each others’ films and the original Godzilla vs King Kong was one of the earliest and most notable major franchise crossover films (also, while I may not prefer the direction of this incarnation of Kong, I can’t deny that it’s a part of the character’s roots). Unlike the Universal Monsters, Legendary is succeeding by keeping the Monsterverse true to the roots which made them successful in the first place. Also, Legendary has been killing it in terms of direction and cinematography thus far – Kong: Skull Island is downright beautiful at times and Godzilla has some of my favourite direction of all time (seriously).

The Monsterverse has also had some pretty decent quality thus far, with both entries being quite fun, if disposable, entertainment. Granted, giant monsters are much easier to fit into a dumb action blockbuster mould, and neither Godzilla or Kong: Skull Island had much ambition to be anything other than that. Considering that they’re giant monster movies, they don’t really need to do much more, but some more interesting human characters would go a long way. Godzilla: King of the Monsters could theoretically improve this one aspect, but we’ll see. If Legendary can keep the quality up, the Monsterverse could easily move up a slot in this list.

3) Cloverfield Universe – This universe could have easily topped the list if not for the release of the absolutely putrid The Coverfield Paradox, which has soured the franchise’s name overnight and turned it into a punchline. That said, the quality of Cloverfield and 10 Cloverfield Lane can’t be denied, and the chance for more cool genre films with genuine surprise to them is too much of an allure to pass up after one misfire (even one as disastrous as Paradox).

Cloverfield was a very intriguing Hollywood experiment, forgoing a huge budget and star power in favour of an ingenious and mysterious alternate reality game (ARG) marketing campaign. I got caught up in the Cloverfield hype leading up to its release and had a lot of fun with the ARG, looking for clues and speculating on what the monster was going to be. Cloverfield was also one of the earliest modern found footage films and, I would argue, one of the best utilizations of the concept. Oh, and lest we forget, Cloverfield was also the film which brought us Matt Reeves (far and away one of the most ambitious and consistently good blockbuster directors in Hollywood). The film left plenty of unanswered questions and for years there were rumblings of a sequel, but nothing materialized (even though it looked like Super 8 was going to fulfil that promise).

Then, suddenly, franchise producer J.J. Abrams had an idea to use the Cloverfield name to promote smaller, quality genre films and loosely tie them together. The first film they tried this on was 10 Cloverfield Lane, which was originally a stand-alone film that underwent reshoots to make it fit into the concept of a “Cloverfield movie”. The film was announced quietly and with minimal marketing, relying on word of mouth, a couple teasers and a release date 3 months away to build hype. There was some talk about whether this strategy would work, but work it did – 10 Cloverfield Lane was another success for the franchise, in part because the film was so damn good that the cynical nature of its creation didn’t really matter. It didn’t really connect to the previous film in the franchise, but it didn’t need to: if Cloverfield was a signifier for a type of quality genre film that you could expect, then bring on more Cloverfield we all said.

Of course, it’s important to understand that this is the sort of goodwill which was paramount to the firestorm of hype that exploded upon announcement that the third Cloverfield film had secretly dropped on Netflix during the Super Bowl… and the resulting disappointment when it turned out that that film was utter shit. Like I said, when your shared universe is only loosely connected between films, Cloverfield becomes a mark of quality. Releasing a bad film taints that reputation. Worse, releasing an awful film throws all confidence in that franchise into the wind. Who knows, another Cloverfield film could be good, but it might take years of good films to get the bad taste of Paradox out of our mouths.

2) The Conjuring – The Conjuring universe is remarkable for a few reasons. One, it’s based primarily on the stories of one real-life family (although the veracity of those stories is suspect, naturally). Two, these are all full-on R-rated horror films, whose considerable success should put Universal’s attempts to reboot their monsters to shame. Three, this franchise’s shared universe it at a point where it’s becoming comparable to the MCU. Seriously, The Conjuring is the beating heart of this franchise, but Annabelle is almost on par in terms of box office success, and The Nun has just released with the franchise’s biggest opening yet, purely off the success of the character in The Conjuring 2.

In terms of quality, the films are generally solid. The Conjuring and The Conjuring 2 are both classic horror films in the vein of The Exorcist (I personally preferred The Conjuring 2), which do a good job of making the supernatural seem plausible and which are buoyed tremendously by solid direction from James Wan and the performances of Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga. The spin-offs have been more of a mixed bag, with Annabelle: Creation being generally considered quite good, while Annabelle and The Nun have been met with a negative reception. That said, as spin-offs in an explicitly niche shared universe, they seem to still have an audience who are interested in them. With smaller budgets and this built-in audience, The Conjuring universe manages to find success by marketing to its own niche, rather than going for the mass audience and viewing $800 million as a failure, such as Justice League. If more studios would realize this and try to find other genre niches, we might have more successful shared universes out there.

1) X-Men – And finally we have the other, other superhero shared universe, the long-running X-Men universe. In fact, thanks to the Disney-20th Century Fox acquisition, this universe is almost certainly reaching its death-knell with upcoming release of X-Men: Dark Phoenix, after 19 years of ups and downs.

Back before the MCU took the world by storm, X-Men was the superhero franchise of most consistent quality (next to Spider-man, anyway), and for a long time it was just that – a franchise, not a shared universe. But then the Wolverine spin-offs happened, which turned into a trilogy of its own with Origins, The Wolverine and Logan. And then Deadpool and Deadpool 2 were released, and suddenly X-Men had become the full-on cinematic universe it was so well-suited to become. Hell, you could even argue that the franchise’s main timeline fits in the shared universe idea, with two different eras of X-Men interacting in Days of Future Past (the best X-Men movie, in my opinion).

X-Men has had some major lows (The Last Stand and Origins), but it has also had considerable heights (X2DoFP, Logan, Deadpool) which have allowed it to succeed for so long, and it was always good to have a serious competitor to the MCU. Lest we forget that this shared universe has also gifted us with one of the best superhero castings of all time in Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine, not to mention the Ryan Renold’s Deadpool or Michael Fassbender’s Magneto. I don’t have high hopes for Dark Phoenix, but I can only hope that it does this franchise justice and allows it to go out on a high note.