Welcome back to the Ninja Gaiden Love/Hate series! In this entry, we’ll be looking at Ninja Gaiden for the Sega Game Gear! Despite what its title would suggest, this is not a port of the NES Ninja Gaiden, nor is it a port of the arcade game, but an entirely new game that just happens to have the same name as the others (get used to this, this isn’t even the last game called Ninja Gaiden that we’re going to be covering in this series). To make matters even more confusing, it’s unclear if this game is even considered canon, having an entirely self-contained narrative that sees Ryu Hayabusa having to save the world once again. How would this portable entry on superior hardware hold up in comparison to Ninja Gaiden Shadow? Read on to find out…

Love

…nothing. For the second time in Love/Hate history, there’s nothing particular about this game that I liked, let alone would consider worth mentioning. If I had to say anything even tangentially positive: it’s got Ryu Hayabusa in it, it’s portable, and it’s on the Game Gear, I guess?

Mixed

• The Graphics – The graphics in this game look like ass. Yes, they are technically more detailed than they were on the NES, but the art style looks so much worse in comparison. That said, I’d be kind of an asshole if I did not put this into perspective: this was a handheld game released in 1991 on the Game Gear. In that context, Ninja Gaiden would have looked pretty damn impressive for its time (especially compared to the Game Boy, whose significantly more limited hardware was still being used into the 2000s). Still… in a modern context where the totality of gaming history is available to us, Ninja Gaiden on the Game Gear looks very unappealing.

Hate

• Game Feel – The moment you start playing Ninja Gaiden, you get the sense that something is off. Gone is the quick, precise action of the NES trilogy, replaced with a jump which goes very high and is unbelievably floaty. As a result, you’re going to overshoot nearly anything you try to jump to, and then have to wait for Ryu to float down to the enemy or orb to slash it. The pickup orbs, by the way, are tiny in this game, so you’d better hope you don’t miss your slash, or you’ll have to waste a couple more seconds trying again. It sounds really nitpicky when I describe it, but my God does this game feel terrible to play, and it largely stems from the way they’ve designed the jumping/falling mechanics.
• Enemy Placements are BULLSHIT – Ninja Gaiden on Game Gear is not a particularly difficult game, especially compared to its NES counterparts. However, in an effort to make the game “difficult”, the developers have made most enemy encounters utter fucking bullshit. You will have enemies spawn in, immediately attack you, and you have a fraction of a second to register this new information and respond or you will take unavoidable damage. This happens the moment the game starts and goes on throughout the entire playthrough, it’s utter dogshit design. To get through a level unscathed, you end up needing to have the reaction time of an athlete, or you memorize the entire level and trivialize the entire thing (or, y’know, enjoy the benefits of modern emulation and get through the game stupid-easily).
• The Skyscraper Level – Whoever designed the skyscraper level needs to be tried in the Hauge for crimes against humanity. What a fucking bullshit level: you’re climbing up the side of a skyscraper while it auto-scrolls upward and have to jump between two buildings to avoid falling objects and kamikaze martial artists. Not only does this mean that you have to react instantly to every incoming object, but if you get hit, you also have to immediately grab back onto the building, or you will fall to an instant death. It’s a cool concept for a level, but the execution here makes for one of the most unenjoyable sequences in the entire franchise.

Ninja Gaiden on Game Gear isn’t the worst game I’ve ever played, but it’s certainly not enjoyable either. I really was not expecting Ninja Gaiden Shadow to be the superior 8-bit handheld experience, but at least I got some fun out of that game in spite of its shortcomings. Perhaps it’s a mercy then that Ninja Gaiden is so short, clocking in at barely over thirty minutes of runtime (hence why this list is also short… there’s only so much you can say about a game that I beat in less time than it took me to write this article).